For the weekly videos, I now tell a story. I’ve realized that for me, and I think for many people, a story is what holds my attention and makes a point most powerfully.

This week’s story:

 

This reminds me of something Virginia Woolf wrote in her Diary: “My mind works in idleness. To do nothing is often my most profitable way.” Agree, disagree? Does your “work” sometimes distract you from your “work”?

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If you want to read more along these lines, check out…

7 tips I use to spark my creativity.

Pouring out ideas is better for creativity than doling them out with a teaspoon.

You can also read more about this in Happier at Home, chapter five.

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I love dividing the world into categories. Abstainers and moderators. Radiators and drains. Leopards and alchemists. Marathoners and sprinters (formerly known as “tortoises and hares”–I like this terminology better, how about you?)

I’ve come up with a new distinction, but I’m still turning it over in my mind. I’m not sure it works out…I would love to hear your response.

A conversation between two friends, at my children’s literature reading group meeting, inspired me to notice this.

One friend said, “I always want to feel empty,” and a friend responded, “I always want to feel full.” (They were speaking metaphorically.)

I thought this was just about the most interesting pair of remarks that I’d ever heard. I wasn’t able to pursue this conversation at the time, but I plan to.

In the meantime, it got me thinking: is this a distinction?

Does one group–I’ll call them the simplicity lovers–prefer to have less, subtraction, emptiness, bare surfaces, few choices, spare supplies–one tube of toothpaste? Does this go with a love of stillness?

And does another group–I’ll call them abundance lovers–prefer to have more, fullness, overflow, collections, many choices, ample supplies–five tubes of toothpaste? Does this go with a love of buzz?

What do you think of these two categories–agree or disagree? If it strikes a chord with you, what group do you identify with? I put myself in the simplicity lovers category.

“Many scenes have come & gone unwritten, since it is today the 4th Sept, a cold grey blowy day, made memorable by the sight of a kingfisher, & by my sense, waking early, of being again visited by ‘the spirit of delight.’ ‘Rarely rarely comest thou, spirit of delight.’ That was I singing this time last year; & sang so poignantly that I have never forgotten it, or my vision of a fin rising on a wide blank sea. No biographer could possibly guess this important fact about my life in the late summer of 1926: yet biographers pretend they know people.”

–Virginia Woolf, Diaries, September 4, 1927

Woolf is quoting from Percy Bysshe Shelley’s poem, “Song”:

Rarely, rarely, comest thou,

Spirit of Delight!

Wherefore hast thou left me now

Many a day and night?

Many a weary night and day

‘Tis since thou art fled away.

Woolf’s observation has haunted me for years, and in fact, I used it as the epigraph to my biography of Churchill, Forty Ways to Look at Winston Churchill. It was a reminder to me, always, of the limits of biography–and how for all of us, some of the most important events are invisible from the outside. What a joy it was to write a biography of Churchill! What a subject, what an age.

My daughters and I are huge fans of the TV show, The Office (the American version). We have the DVDs, we’ve watched every episode several times, and they get funnier each time.

Now, admittedly, you may question the wisdom of allowing an eight-year-old to watch the show. But I always watch with her, and I skip through the inappropriate parts.

One thing that my happiness project has taught me is that my own frame of mind can significantly boost (or diminish) the amount of happiness I get from something.

Therefore, one of my aims has been to boost my feelings of pleasant expectancy–to make little things into real events, so that I can look forward to them and revel in them, instead of letting them pass by only half-noticed. With a little mindfulness, I can often re-frame activities to help myself anticipate them more.

So when I read that the finale of The Office would air on May 16, I first thought, “Oh, too bad, the show is over.” Then I thought–wait! This is an opportunity to make a really fun night for me and my family.

As I write about in The Happiness Project, there are four stages for enjoying a happy event, and I tried to exploit each on this occasion:

– anticipation (for weeks, we talked about the fact that the retrospective and finale were going to air soon)
– savoring (enjoying it in the moment – no multi-tasking while watching!)
– expression (sharing your pleasure with others – we all watched together)
– reflection (looking back on happy times – I took photos as mementos, also emailed them to my parents and sister, which is another form of “expression”)

Framing the event in this way turned a minor event into a real happiness opportunity for my family. It was fun, it was easy, and it made a difference.

Have you found that you’re able to dial up the happiness you get from something, by framing it differently?

P.S. Because I’m such a huge fan of The Office, one of my favorite happiness interviews is with the brilliant Mindy Kaling, a/k/a Kelly Kapoor.

One of my Secrets of Adulthood is to It’s okay to ask for help–and today I’m asking!

I’m considering adding some new features to The Happiness Project site, and it would be hugely helpful to learn more about you and your views. I’d like to know what’s working well, and what could work better.

I know it’s a pain to do these things, so out of the people who take the survey, I’ll choose ten people at random to receive a set of signed books: The Happiness Project, Happier at Home, and The One-Sentence Journal.

The survey is short and painless–and it would be extremely helpful to me, if you can spare a few minutes.

Take the survey here.

Thanks, as always, for your insights and enthusiasm.