The Happiness Project

I'm going to start saying "hello" to absolutely everyone I know.

Each month of the Happiness Project has a special focus, and the focus for April is friends.

So one of my resolutions is to say hello every time I see a person I know. Often I’ll see someone on the street, but slip away before the person sees me. It’s not that I feel unfriendly, just that I don’t feel like stopping to have a conversation.

But from now on, I’m going to seize the opportunity to engage with someone. After all, it always makes me happier when I do stop to talk. Studies show that acting in an extroverted way—being more bold or more talkative—make people, even introverts, feel happier.

In college, I made a big effort always to say hello to everyone I knew. And I was struck by how often people would comment on the rudeness of people who refused to say hello. Now I understand that impulse better: the desire to walk around without having to make conversation. But it's less polite, and less fun.

This Wednesday: Tips…to improve the morning

Every Wednesday is Tip Day.  This Wednesday: Tips for improving the morning.

1. Last thing before going to bed, tidy up the house. This doesn't sound like a big deal, but if you do it every night, this one habit can dramatically improve your environment.
2. Always keep keys, wallet, phone, etc. in your bag, and what's more, in the same place in your bag; don’t put them down on a counter or anywhere else.
3. Keep plenty of cash in the house.
4. Put envelopes to be mailed, library books to be returned, or videos to be returned by the front door.
5. Don’t leave the bathroom, bedroom, or kitchen without making sure that all drawers and cabinet doors are closed.
6. Sing—even for just a minute—when you wake up.
7. Take a few minutes to stretch.
8. Always, always, always make the bed.

On wearing a pedometer.

I kept reading that, as a minimum of activity for good health, people should aim to take 10,000 steps each day. Also 10,000 daily steps reportedly keeps most people from gaining weight.

Living in New York, I felt like I walked miles every day. But did I? Should I be walking more?

I decided to try wearing a pedometer. I read that the Yamax Digi-Walker SW-200 and SW-701 were very reliable, so in January I ordered one on-line and have been wearing it for a while now.

I discovered that on days when I did a fair amount of walking—walked the Big Girl to school and walked to the gym, for example—I hit 10,000 easily. On days when I ran around the apartment, I barely cleared 3,000. (One odd thing: I keep reading that 10,000 steps is about five miles. For me, it looks like it’s more like four miles. Not sure what to make of that.)

Now, is wearing a pedometer making me walk more? Absolutely. One of my worst qualities is my insatiable need for credit; I always want the gold star, the recognition. This negative quality has a benefit in this circumstance; because the pedometer gives me credit for making an extra effort, I’m more likely to do it. This morning I’d planned to take the subway to my dentist’s appointment in mid-town, but as I walked out the door, it occurred to me to walk, to get credit for the steps.

Walking is also great for thinking. All truly great thoughts are conceived while walking. Nietzsche. Nietzche’s observation is backed up by science; studies show that exercise-induced brain chemicals help people think clearly. Also, just being outside helps with thinking. Even five minutes of daylight stimulates production of serotonin and dopamine.

A paradox of happiness: we seek to control our lives but novelty makes us happy

I just finished Gregory Berns's book Satisfaction: The Science of Finding True Fulfillment. He argues that novelty and challenge are key components of satisfaction. Other studies confirm that people who do new things—travel to new place, learn a new game—have a greater sense of well-being than people who stick to the familiar.

            

I need to remember this, because no one loves the familiar and the routine more than I do. But it’s true, when I do do something new—whether voluntarily or involuntarily—I find it enjoyable.

My recent experience of serving on a jury is a good example. I didn’t want to be picked for any jury, because I didn’t want my productive routine disrupted; once I was chosen, hearing the case was difficult, because it took so much concentration and because the facts were so tremendously sad (criminally negligent homicide); reaching a verdict was tough, because we had to work through our disagreements to reach a unanimous decision. The whole experience was upsetting, draining, and depressing. I went to bed at 8:30 p.m. for several nights while the trial was going on.

But at the same time, I found serving on the jury fascinating, even exhilarating, and I could tell that the other jurors felt the same way. I was puzzled by how something so distressing could also be so gratifying.

Of course, part of the satisfaction came from accepting an important duty and handling it conscientiously.

But having read the Berns book, I think part of the satisfaction came just from doing something so new. I spent my days with new people, thought about new situations, faced new routines and new responsibilities.

So this is one of the many paradoxes of happiness: we seek to control our lives, but the novel and the unexpected are important sources of happiness.

It’s one of Life’s True Rules: there is great joy in routine, but an occasional disruption makes the routine all the sweeter.

This Saturday: a quote from W. H. Auden

Between the ages of twenty and forty we are engaged in the process of discovering who we are, which involves learning the difference between accidental limitations which it is our duty to outgrow and the necessary limitations of our nature beyond which we cannot trespass with impunity. 

--W. H. Auden