The Happiness Project: This Wednesday: Tips...to make a good first impression.

The Happiness Project

THE HAPPINESS PROJECT is the memoir of the year I spent test-driving the wisdom of the ages, current scientific studies, and lessons from popular culture about how to be happier – happily, it was a #1 New York Times bestseller. As one of the hundreds of experiments I've conducted, I started this blog. Here, I recount my daily adventures in pursuit of happiness. –

Gretchen Rubin

What Started Me Thinking

"The best way to cheer yourself is to try to cheer somebody else up." Mark Twain
“There is no duty we so much underrate as the duty of being happy.” Robert Louis Stevenson
"Martha, Martha, thou art careful and troubled about many things: But one thing is needful: and Mary hath chosen that good part, which shall not be taken away from her." Luke 10:41-42
“Imaginary evil is romantic and varied; real evil is gloomy, monotonous, barren, boring. Imaginary good is boring; real good is always new, marvelous, intoxicating.” Simone Weil
“What a wonderful life I’ve had! I only wish I’d realized it sooner.” Colette
“It is easy to be heavy: hard to be light.” G. K. Chesterton
“A man’s first care should be to avoid the reproaches of his own heart.” Joseph Addison
“Best is good. Better is best.” Lisa Grunwald
“Order is Heaven’s first law.” Alexander Pope

Happiness Theories I Reject

Flaubert: "To be stupid, and selfish, and to have good health are the three requirements for happiness; though if stupidity is lacking, the others are useless."
Vauvenargues: “There are men who are happy without knowing it.”
Eric Hoffer: “The search for happiness is one of the chief sources of unhappiness.”
Sartre: "Hell is other people."
Willa Cather: “One cannot divine nor forecast the conditions that will make happiness; one only stumbles upon them…”
Alexander Smith: “We are never happy; we can only remember that we were so once.”
John Stuart Mill: “Ask yourself whether you are happy, and you cease to be so.”

Every Wednesday is Tip Day.

This Wednesday: Tips...to make a good first impression.

n smile and lean toward others as they talk

n if standing, keep your body fully facing the people you’re speaking with

n ask questions and follow up on people’s remarks; and in doing so, focus on opinions and feelings, not just facts

n don’t interrupt

n compliment others

n try to find common experiences or interests

n mention some vulnerabilities and laugh at yourself

n draw others out and encourage people to join the conversation

n put energy in your voice

n at least at the start, focus on positive comments, not criticisms or complaints

n offer a variety of topics

n share observations about everyday life

n share your passions and interests

n don’t dwell on the minutiae of your life, especially annoyances

n remember: people give more weight to their early information (were you engaged, warm, distracted, pompous?) than to later information, so be your most charming at the beginning of the conversation

n remember: most people are more eager to be found interesting, funny, or insightful than to be interested, amused, or informed by you

For a fascinating, highly practical book on this topic, read Ann Demarais and Valerie White's First Impressions.

Comments

This is a really cool site :)

Posted by: Blah | January 29, 2007 at 07:06 PM

I wish you well on your journey :) You look really pretty in the picture :)

Posted by: Blah | January 29, 2007 at 07:11 PM

great blog and great tips too.
Will be back tomorrow

Posted by: gina | February 02, 2007 at 11:16 AM

This definitely does not seem to have been intended for anybody but submissive girls, because it won't work for anybody else.

Posted by: Richard | August 02, 2007 at 08:11 AM

I believe that the most important thing is to be yourself. This allows you to seem less clumsy or nervous and more relaxed and confident. It is also advised to mirror the other person's mode.. but again within the scope of your own personality.

Posted by: some dude | June 04, 2008 at 03:58 PM

Actually Gina - if more men employed these techniques, imagine how much more pleasant meeting men would be!

Posted by: nicole | August 03, 2008 at 07:40 AM

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