What Started Me Thinking

  • "The best way to cheer yourself is to try to cheer somebody else up." Mark Twain
  • “There is no duty we so much underrate as the duty of being happy.” Robert Louis Stevenson
  • "Martha, Martha, thou art careful and troubled about many things: But one thing is needful: and Mary hath chosen that good part, which shall not be taken away from her." Luke 10:41-42
  • “Imaginary evil is romantic and varied; real evil is gloomy, monotonous, barren, boring. Imaginary good is boring; real good is always new, marvelous, intoxicating.” Simone Weil
  • “What a wonderful life I’ve had! I only wish I’d realized it sooner.” Colette
  • “It is easy to be heavy: hard to be light.” G. K. Chesterton
  • “A man’s first care should be to avoid the reproaches of his own heart.” Joseph Addison
  • “Best is good. Better is best.” Lisa Grunwald
  • “Order is Heaven’s first law.” Alexander Pope

Happiness Theories I Reject

  • Flaubert: "To be stupid, and selfish, and to have good health are the three requirements for happiness; though if stupidity is lacking, the others are useless."
  • Vauvenargues: “There are men who are happy without knowing it.”
  • Eric Hoffer: “The search for happiness is one of the chief sources of unhappiness.”
  • Sartre: "Hell is other people."
  • Willa Cather: “One cannot divine nor forecast the conditions that will make happiness; one only stumbles upon them…”
  • Alexander Smith: “We are never happy; we can only remember that we were so once.”
  • John Stuart Mill: “Ask yourself whether you are happy, and you cease to be so.”

The hedonic treadmill, gratitude, and the New York Society Library

One of the most significant factors in happiness is the hedonic treadmill, or hedonic adaptation.

People are adaptable. We quickly adjust to a new life circumstance—for better or worse—and consider it normal. Although this helps us when our situation worsens, it means that when circumstances improve, we soon become hardened to new comforts or privileges. Scoring air-conditioning, a bigger house, or a fancy title gives us only a brief boost in happiness before we start to take it for granted. As Aldous Huxley wrote, “Habit converts luxurious enjoyments into dull and daily necessities.” That’s the hedonic treadmill.

But we can offset this effect by reminding ourselves how much we enjoy something, or how lucky we are. So for the past few days I’ve been reminding myself of the happiness I get from the New York Society Library.

This small subscription library, the oldest in the city, was founded in 1754 by the New York Society. I’ve been working in its top-floor study room ever since the Big Girl was born seven years ago.

The Library gives me an “office,” complete with clean bathrooms, water cooler, periodicals, internet access, and no phone use (far preferable to being able to use a phone). It has a surprisingly deep collection of books, with open stacks for browsing, and I probably check out more than a hundred books a year.

I’ve always loved working in libraries, with their air of quiet purposefulness and possibility. How much I would pay to use this library? A lot. But it costs only $200 a year. And—get ready—it’s two blocks from my apartment.

I’m not exaggerating when I say that when my mother-in-law took me on my first visit, I was shaking with excitement at the discovery of such a treasure. For years, though, I’ve taken it for granted.

But now I remind myself, every time I walk through the doors, how happy this library makes me.


Comments

Recently, I rediscovered my love of libraries. I hadn't been to one in years. I moved to a new city less than a year ago and the biggest library in town is right down the street. It's fantastic. It's close enough to walk to, but seems like another world so I can leave my baby at home with her father and get a little me time.

Also, I just wanted to say that I'm quite enjoying your blog and am working my way through the archives. I saw an interesting post on happiness and whether it is reasonable to desire happiness for your children at another blog recently. If you're interested, I could try to find it again and send it on to you. I found it just when I found your blog. It's funny how the universe sends you messages through several sources at once about the same thing, no? Or is it just me that that happens to? In any case, it's something that makes me happy.

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Gretchen RubinGretchen Rubin is the best-selling writer whose book, The Happiness Project, is the account of the year she spent test-driving studies and theories about how to be happier. Here, she shares her insights to help you create your own happiness project.

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