Happiness, patience, and sidewalk rage.

I’ve been working hard to conquer my sidewalk rage—an anger-management challenge that’s mostly faced by people living in crowded cities like New York.

I feel such intense irritation at the old people who plod along, the parents with double strollers who window-shop, the teenagers who block corners as they chatter in large groups, the business types who weave from side to side as they read their Blackberries.

Of course, I can be just as bad myself: strolling too slowly while talking to a friend or halting unexpectedly as I realize I’ve forgotten something.

But when people are in my way, I find myself muttering pointedly or crowding people’s space as I brush past them.

Every time I do this, I feel awful—rude, pushy, inconsiderate. As well I should. My new vow is no more sidewalk rage. After all, I tell myself, how much time am I losing? Fifteen minutes a year, tops.

Comments

[David]

YOur white knuckled resolve is to be commended, but can you really wish away sidewalk rage (or road rage / anxiety for that matter) without getting at the root causes both inside you and in the traffic you are navigating?

[Maria Palma]

I'm probably one of the most patient people in the world, but when it comes to driving, I turn into this raging person...weaving in and out of traffic, only to get to a light so the others could catch up with me! ;)

[Rebecca Lemov]

I was interested in what David said in response to Sidewalk Rage and the "white-knuckle approach" to quelling it (for example, by reassuring oneself that not much time is lost if you calculate the total minutes per year required to slow down; or using other devices to put in proportion the perceived offense).

He said, this approach doesn't get at the root causes of the rage or anxiety, and I have found this to be true myself. I used to suffer from road rage (which I believe is very common) and also just a generalized misanthropic rage at the annoyances visited on me all the time by unthinking people out there. I once had a road-rage incident on my way to a yoga class (trying to get a parking spot in a tight area) and that was both annoying and embarrassing.

To make a long story short, I think all these incidents are actually opportunities to observe your own reactions: why, for example, am I mad at that dillydallying cellphone talker? If I take a moment to observe the irritation, it becomes informative. There's actually something inside myself (a bodily sensation, or a feeling, or a fleeting bothersome almost-feeling) that's the real trouble. Once that is recognized, the outer situation no longer bothers me and the picnicking family or offending elbower on the bus seems, possibly, nearly charming.

p.s. Hi Gretchen--I'm enjoying your blog. --B.Lemov