My Experiments in the Practice of Everyday Life

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July 14, 2006
4 Comment

A thoughtful gesture for a traveling spouse.

The Big Man travels a lot for work, sometimes for a week at a time. I’ve hit on an incredibly obvious, yet very effective, thoughtful gesture: constant reports from home.

I always emailed him when he was out of town, but I usually kept it to one or two emails a day. But I’ve realized that he loves hearing any bit of gossip from home, no matter how insignificant.

So now when the Big Man is away, I send emails whenever I can scrounge up any news at all to report.

The Little Girl is usually good for an adorable story or two; the Big Girl generally has some anecdote from her day at camp, if I can drag it out of her; and then there’s the “Your mother stopped by for a visit,” or “we’re having dinner with friends next Wednesday,” or what makes him happiest, “your Sports Illustrated is waiting for you.”

He loves getting the emails; what has surprised me is how much I love sending them.

This reminds me of one of my personal commandments: act as I want to feel. Making frequent, little loving gestures makes me feel more loving.

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  1. Sending a happy-birthday email is a small gesture, but it’s satisfying.
  • mark

    I like the idea of act as I want to feel and that’s great that you do that for your husband. I agree those little things mean the most. I feel I do those little things for people. But, I don’t feel I ever get them in return. Does that happen to you? How do you counter that?

  • http://www.sayitbetter.com Kare Anderson

    G
    Motion is an emotional two-edged sword, for good and for bad. Whenever we physically move we deepen the memory of what we are doing and our belief in it. That’s one of the reasons that I, too, have returned to sending notes by mail and email.
    Recounting some incident I’ve had or sending specific thanks….it feels like I am sending sending little offerings to those I love and like.
    Growing up in a family that was once poor, then not, a vital thread was the tradition of home-made gift-giving.
    Your story re Father’s Day resonated.
    I did not realize how precious and rare those giftss from my parents would become, how much they taught me, and how happy (there’s that word again) I feel when making gifts for others.
    Moving to act in loving waays is exercising the heart muscle to keep it strong.
    What a joy to discover and read about your unfolding project.

  • http://www.happiness-project.com Gretchen Rubin

    About the issue of not getting any return with these little gestures–this is tough. I know exactly what you mean.
    One of my Twelve Commandments is “no calculation,” because I’m trying hard to give out and not to expect praise, appreciation–or even for anyone to notice what I’m doing. For example, I bet the Big Man would be surprised to hear that I make a point to send him those emails. He just doesn’t even think about it.
    My sister and I have a phrase, “I want to get a present in the mail.” That means, we feel like we need a little gift of unexpected thoughtfulness, some affirmation we weren’t expecting.
    The (perhaps counterintuitive)fact is that by being the source of those actions, you give yourself that sense of uplift.

  • http://www.happiness-project.com Gretchen Rubin

    Kare-I love hearing that, in retrospect, you appreciate fully the homemade gifts from your parents. Sometimes appreciation builds slowly–but loving actions are never wasted. Thanks too for your kind words about the project.

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