Do you hoard your new underwear?

The most idiosyncratic and cryptic of “My Twelve Commandments” (see left column) is “Spend out.” What does that mean?

I have a miserly nature; by spending out, I mean to stop hoarding, to trust in abundance.

I find myself saving things, even when it makes no sense. Right now I’m forcing myself to spend out by wearing my new underwear.

Last week, as part of my July “buy a white t-shirt” campaign, I went to buy new underwear. When I got home, I forced myself to toss out my sorry old pairs, because I could feel myself tempted to “save” the new underwear. And indeed, even though the old underwear is gone, I find myself re-wearing the same laundered new pairs, so that I can “save” the new ones that are still neatly folded, with their tags on.

Why buy new clothes and then “save” them for months? Not wearing clothes is just as wasteful as throwing them away.

I have a great set of bookmarker pens—flat pens that can be stuck in a book, so that you can take notes as well as mark your place. I love them so much that I leave them in the case. That’s crazy—spend out, use them!

I once went to a bridal shower where every guest was given a black umbrella with a handle made from an old piece of silver, with the guest’s initial on it (zoikes). I loved my umbrella so much that I didn’t open it for three years. Finally I started to use it, and about 18 months later, the umbrella broke. But it was far better to use the umbrella, and enjoy it, than to have it sit in the closet.

I need to spend out by throwing things away. I re-use razor blades too many times, I keep my toothbrushes for too long. There is a virtue and a joy to frugality, and there is a preppy wabi-sabi to soft, faded khakis and frayed cotton shirts, but it’s not nice to be surrounded by things that are truly worn out or stained or used up.

And spend out applies to creativity as well as to possessions. I find myself thinking, “I should save that story…” or “I don’t want to use all my best examples now…” But pouring out ideas is better for creativity than doling them out by the teaspoon.

My post on Wednesday was a perfect example. I had a lot of fun working on the organization quiz. But when I considered posting it, I had to fight the urge to hold it back. What am I waiting for? I'm reminded of tagline for the Broadway show Rent—which gave me a shock every time it blasted out at me from the ubiquitous taxi ads—No day but today.

*

I’m leaving tomorrow for vacation, so this will be my last post for a week. Last night, in a happiness-project inspired act, I went ahead and packed for me, the Little Girl, and the Big Girl, so I have today to worry about hunting down the odds and ends.

Because I’ve been reading so much non-fiction about happiness, I haven’t been reading many novels lately. So for vacation I’m taking Marilynne Robinson’s Housekeeping (I loved Gilead); Benjamin Disraeli’s Coningsby (ever since I wrote Forty Ways to Look at Winston Churchill, I’ve been meaning to read Disraeli); Mrs. Gaskell’s Wives and Daughters (about time I read something by her); Philip Roth’s American Pastoral (I’m not a big Roth fan, but several people have told me they think it’s the best novel of the 20th century); and as a special treat, Vikram Chandra’s Sacred Games (not yet published, supposed to be superb, I got a copy of the galley).

Looking at this list, I realize—am I crazy? We're only going away for a week, and chasing around after a seventeen-month-old is hardly compatible with doing a lot of serious reading. Oh well, I’ll try. But I think the Big Man will have to carry that duffel bag.

Comments

[annmarie]

Gretchen, just a note to let you know how much I'm enjoying your blog and looking forward to your book. You're helping me notice what it is that really matters to me, things I thought too trival to try to secure for myself before. Each of your posts resonates on some level.

So keep up the good work, and have a great vacation! Your reading agenda makes me cast a wary eye at my nightstand, which is about to buckle under the weight of books I'm "reading right now."

[Monica Ricci]

Gretchen,
Your post reminds me of the one I wrote on June 18th called Don't Pack Your Life Away...it was about these pretty linen napkins that I found in my mother's house after she died. I lived in that house for a LONG time and never even SAW those napkins. She was apparently "saving" them. For what, I have no idea. But she never did get to use them. Now they're mine and I'm sure as heck gonna use them the next time I have someone over for dinner, which come to think of it, is tomorrow night!

So Bravo (or is it Brava?) to you for "spending out"!! Life is too short to save your good china or your good lingerie or your good ANYTHING for later because truly, later may never come. Awesome post today and a great reminder for us all.
~Monica

[Larry P]

I came upon your blog via a post by Monica Ricci. Thank you Ms. Ricci.

I'm not sure the appropriate place to suggest a quote about happiness for you, so I will try here.

"Believe in yourself. After that, everything is easier" ~ Larry P ~

Enjoy the vacation

[Gretchen Rubin]

Thanks so much for those nice posts--and Monica, thanks for posting on YOUR blog about MINE! Monica's memory of her mother's napkins reminds me of the never-opened bottle of perfume, "My Sin," thirty years old, that I found on my grandmother's nightstand. I keep it, still unopened, in my bathroom cabinet as a reminder. Having a place for people to post their favorite happiness quotes is a great idea...hmmm...I will have to see if I can rig that up. I appreciate your taking the time to write. Now I'm off for vacation --

[Ali]

I am a hoarder as well! I am spending this Saturday morning bagging up lots of clothes, undies, socks that are all worn out or never used. I haven't made quite as much progress as I'd like (I still have a lot of clothes I can't part with yet) but I did manage to get 4 big bags out of the house. :o)

The more I think about it, I realize I would much rather have high quality clothes (and shoes, etc) that I LOVE and will use a lot, then tons and tons of cheap stuff that I got because it was a 'good deal'. It isn't a good deal if it hinders me from organizing my house and is laying in piles in my bedroom because I've run out of space! :)

PS- I added you to my site, under the category 'domestic perfection'. ;o)

[Monica Ricci]

Ali that's so great to hear! What a powerful mindset shift for you! :) ~Monica

[Ali]

Thanks Monica :o)

[Susan]

That's so funny...I can relate too...I have to clear out the clutter so I can think and then I sometimes have to force myself to buy a few nice little things..just for me. I tend to be overly frugal so I really do have to force myself but it really helps create a calm clean environment. Thanks for a great website. It's awesome.

[Zsuzsa]

Gretchen, Thank you soooo much for this post! Not spending out is such an issue for me (broken/old elastic in a bra I wore 3 times in a 6 year period....sadly true). To think it's just as wasteful to buy clothes and not wear them as thtowing them away really hit home. Thanks, again!!

[Penny Hammack]

I used to work for a lady who had a great seamstress. The seamstress would make my boss a dress then my boss would hang it in the closet for two or three years. When she finally wore it we would all compliment it and she would say in effect "This old thing, I've had it for years". Drove us up the wall.

[Char]

Have a great (break? -- books, baby AND partner?!) Gretchen;-)

I am getting accustomed to following the link on some item in your incoming emails-it's always a new angle that you express on an otherwise cliche!

These comments on hoarding are the clearest I've noted on the subject. I too am (I'm learning...) extremely frugal, an admirable characteristic within my resource management learning context that I as much attribute to my partially Germanic enculturation as to a personal trait.

I feel clearer about how frugality can derail into hoarding, having read your shared inclination and thanks so much for just the perspective that can support my breaking this deficit-orientation trend!

[Jyoti]

As I was reading, I wanted to respond - Gretchen, pending further exploration, this may be the one thing that we have in common. Then I read the comments - seems like and very reassuringly so, that I am not the only one. I do buy new/nice things and recently have gone overboard doing so but have a hard time parting with the old/unused/bought-cos-it-was-a-good-deal stuff. I have made progress though - I inspect one tiny hole in my sons' clothing, it goes in a dustbin. But I still don't agree with the joy of having used a nice umbrella only to have it broken. I still mourn the loss of a nice red umbrella with peacock head handle that my mother-in-law (the opposite of me) insisted on using, wasn't careful enough and ended up breaking it! Yes, I am a hoarder - things that I love, I wish they never fade away or wear out and last forever and ever.

[Trina]

Oh, Gretchen... I can't believe that there is someone else out there that does this, too! I have struggled with this for years. I realized it WAS contributing to my mental dismalness! I thought I should be keeping some of my new, better stuff just in case of (so pessimistic, here!) "bad days ahead". Sadly, I found that I have even pushed it over on my own daughter (i.e. don't use up all the battery power in your toys!) I think that's when I realized it. Now, I am on the track to using it all up today...'cause who knows about tomorrow! I just have to keep reminding myself EVERYDAY!

[Ruth Galindo]

Wow, same day post as last one 5 hours ago, but it really resonates with me, the one who never played with her best dolls and saved them and one day found she was grown up! Yikes, still do that with clothes, then they become out-dated and donated, yet never worn or once worn. Looking at a closet full of new clothes rarely worn that I'm tired of looking at. My young adult daughter has the answer - only buy what you really love and wear the heck out of them - which keeps her closet uncluttered and she has the same concept about her room, very uncluttered. It's very soothing, calming and gives me instant HAPPINESS when I walk in. :o)

[mike]

Can't wait for your new book, Happiness at home... even men might like reading this? I know i enjoy and laugh out loud since it's so freaking TRUE!

starting a hangout on google + if anybody is interested?

[sean koon]

"And spend out applies to creativity..." This is the phrase that grabbed me in this article and made me think. Am I tempted to save some of "my best stuff" for some uncertain future opportunity? But maybe hoarding puts a lid on what "my best stuff" really is. If I'm saving "my best work" in a mental file for the future, aren't I telling myself that I can't do better than that? I have to get that stuff out there before my next (even better) "best stuff" can be created.

[Colleen]

Gretchen - If you lived in Atlanta, i'd suggest meeting up for coffee. Heck, I'd even spend the big bucks and treat you to Starbucks. I respect you that much. :). Be proud of what you do - it matters. If you're ever in town & killing time at a starbucks (sorry,wears short on diversity here) lemme know. I'd love to meet you.

[Mary]

Gretchen thanks to wonderful ideas given here by you and other commenters I am finally getting to understand why I have been hoarding and am trying harder than ever to stop it. I know it makes me miserable, and the best piece of advice I have heard in a long while is "buy what you love and wear the heck out of it!!" all aboard for an easier 2012 xx

[Sarah]

When i was a child, i had a favorite t-shirt. I loved it so much that i never wore it, because i didn't want it to get stained, worn out, or ruined. One day, i decided i really wanted to wear this beloved t-shirt. I pulled it out of my drawer and put it on. Or tried to put it on. It didn't fit; i had outgrown it. Some things are meant to be enjoyed now, and saving them so that you don't risk losing them robs them of what joy they have to offer. Thanks for this post.

[Cynthia Savell]

Gretchen, I had to laugh at this commandment. How about this: you give me some of your "saving" ability and I will share my "spending" ability.

[Jill]

seriously!!!!! I came across this appropriate blog at the right time SPEND OUT and don't feel guilty about it!!! Thanks Gretchen for supporting me.

[Pamela]

Thank you for this! I've been working on this very thing in a major life de-clutter. I too find myself holding on to things that are ready to be tossed and saving things I should just use and enjoy. It feels lovely to have and use nice new things and to let go of the things I don't really need.

[Renee]

LOL Great commandment, but I can't say I relate to this one. I enjoy wearing new underwear, in fact I can't wait to throw the holey ones out! haha.... Seriously though, I definitely am not a "saver." ;-) I'm the kind of person who'd LOOK for extra occasions to use the good China. (Assuming I owned some China.)