More on diabetes and happiness.

As I think about happiness, of course I think a lot about my sister and her recent diagnosis of diabetes.

My sister’s diagnosis came at an absolutely crazy time: in the space of ONE DAY (really, in the space of five hours), she got engaged, made an offer on a house with her fiancé, and was diagnosed with diabetes Type 1—and then had to go back to the set of The Shield, where they were shooting her script. In the same month, her book Bass-Ackwards and Belly Up came out, and my mother came for a visit.

Getting engaged was a tremendous source of happiness, of course—she’s marrying a terrific guy, who gets huge credit for being the one who pushed her to get to a doctor when she wasn’t feeling well, and who has been a tremendous source of support during this whole process.

But happy as it is, getting engaged is stressful. Immediately, the questions start: Where will the wedding be held? What’s the date? What kind of wedding do you want? My sister isn’t the type who’s been planning her wedding for her whole life, so she had a lot of decisions to make.

And making a bid on a house—the negotiations, the arguments about who will fix what, and of course, the enormous amount of money involved, make it very stressful. And then, they got the house! That means deciding on paint colors, options for wood floors, and all the rest.

I can’t tell whether getting the diabetes diagnosis in the midst of these happy (if stressful) distractions has made it harder or easier for my sister. It’s nice that she has happy things to think about. But I worry that the anxiety about the diabetes has clouded a joyous time.

So what can I do for her? I can’t help her with the diabetes, and I can’t help her fix up her new house, but I can help with her upcoming move. I think it’s fair to say that I got her share, as well as my share, of the clearing-clutter genes. She is…shall we say…a bit challenged in that area. So my plan now is to help her by going out to L.A. to help her get organized before she moves into the new house.

The last time she moved, I came out to help her pack, and in the process, we tossed or gave away about 30% of her possessions. (One example: I discovered a laundry bag in a closet that contained mostly unopened mail that she’d shipped from New York when she’d moved to L.A. six years before.) She’s likely due for another clearance.

I remember our conversation just before I left for the airport at the end of that visit. She was slumped on the couch, exhausted, a bottle of Diet Coke held limply in her hand.

“You’re glad to see me go!” I said.

“But I’m so glad you came,” she said sincerely.

Clearing clutter, I can do. So that’s what I’ll do.

Comments

[Liz Craft]

I'm fascinted by the topic of diabetes (fill in your problem here) and happiness, especially since I'm the subject of today's blog. I've thought a lot about the question of whether or not the diagnosis affected the happiness of getting engaged, buying a house, having a book come out, etc. The thing about these events is that everyone around you expects you to be ECSTATIC. In a weird way, I was relieved that because of my diagnosis, I wasn't under as much pressure to walk around in a state of utter bliss (I'm not that type) for some period of time. So if I'm in a bad mood, I can say to myself, "Well, that's natural. No one in my situtation is going to be totally without low moments." And, if I feel down about the diabeties, I can think, "But, hey, look at all these wonderful things happening. This is truly the best time of my life." In that sense, the diabetes has heightened elements of my happiness that may have otherwise been tampered by guilty feelings of not being happy enough.

But perhaps this point of view stems from yesterday's topic about finding happiness in inherently unhappy things.

[lea]

. . . and i am fascinated by the topic of engagements. did you see the oprah (guilty) episode where she had lance armstrong's first wife on, the one who has written the book in which she calls marriage "the biggest conspiracy" ever visited on american women (bigger than jfk, she points out as i recall). love, i love. yet the rigor with which society has perpetuated the myth of all the bullshit that's meant to accompany the lead up to the walk down the aisle?

i have three sisters. one was married in front of 500 people and one was eloped. i think the best thing you can do for your sister is listen, and when she says, "is it ok if i do it this way" the answer is always yes. i am not engaged but i hope if and when i get there this is how my own sisters will react. calmly, with love.

[Kass]

Happiness, I suppose then, is making other people's lives a little bit more comfortable.

[Leila]

I'm so grateful for this post and these comments today. I've been ugly to my children this week (did they start it? Maybe, I don't know, does it matter?) and I'm comforted to see your honest report of your morning.

There's a war on in my hometown, and my father, who has plane tickets to go there for a wedding, has to have a biopsy of his lung instead. Which is worse, bombings or lung cancer? Or how about both?

We're coming up on the two-year anniversary of my cancer diagnosis. My father drove me to chemo sessions in San Francisco so my husband could go to his job. But when I ask Dad today what I can do to help, he says nothing. He and mom have it under control. It's a biopsy. All I can do is wait.

THanks again for this blog, you're an inspiration.