A psychological principle that works like magic: Act as I would feel.
I’m doing pretty well with the week of Extreme Nice. Yesterday, I hardly saw the Big Man, but I did do good deeds on his behalf. My main goal for today is to mail a big box for him. What a pain.
Now, although it might seem that the Big Man is the sole beneficiary of the week of Extreme Nice, I get a huge benefit as well.
One of the most helpful things I’ve learned in my happiness research is that although we think that we act because of the way we feel, in fact, we often feel because of the way we act.
As a result, one of my Twelve Commandments is “Act as I would feel.” And as improbable as it may sound, it really works. Try it. If you don’t like the way you’re feeling, act as you’d like to feel—and your feelings will change. Like magic.
William James sums up the phenomenon nicely: “Action seems to follow feeling, but really action and feeling go together; and by regulating the action, which is under the more direct control of the will, we can indirectly regulate the feeling, which is not.”
So while you might expect that lavishing Extreme Niceness on the Big Man might make me feel resentful or smug, in fact, by being extremely nice, by acting very loving, I boost my feelings of love and tenderness.
For example, today, on my way to a meeting near Grand Central, I happened to walk by the Big Man’s office building. So, as I’d done once before, I called him and told him to look out his window at the steps of St. Bartholomew’s Church. I stood on the steps and waved up to him on the 18th floor. I felt quite self-conscious, waving up at a skyscraper as pedestrians gave me curious looks—but of course in New York City, I’d have to do something far quirkier than that to make anyone stare.
I’m sure the Big Man thought it was nice of me to wave to him, but he probably didn’t think about it for more than a minute or so. But taking the time to make that silly, affectionate gesture filled me with good feelings that have persisted for hours.
*
Using StumbleUpon, I just stumbled upon a very fun site. I'm not going to reveal anything more, but for a little happiness boost, check out Jackson Pollock.
I've actually tried this before and yes it works.
BTW - this is the first time I make a comment here. I really enjoy your blog.
Posted by: Patricia | September 08, 2006 at 03:05 PM
i love the concept of waving up at a skyscraper! i'll have to do it someday :)
Posted by: shuchetana | September 09, 2006 at 12:45 AM
I have stumbled upon StumbleUpon myself. It's been fun so far. As for the acting as if I'd feel, I agree with you! Sometimes the mind follows the body and sometimes vice versa. But they both work! ~Monica
Posted by: Monica Ricci | September 10, 2006 at 01:15 AM
Enjoyed this post. Very uplifting. Being aware of your affect on other people is a hard concept for anyone to grasp.
I think you have great insight and you use ordinary day-to-day situations to create extraordinary lessons. Thanks!
Jamie Varon
www.witandinsight.com
Posted by: Jamie Varon | September 11, 2006 at 02:46 AM
hello,discover your personal web accidentally when i am searching the information for my assignment.
" DEscribe a good deed you have done"
That is my assignment Question..>
It sounds interestiing.
Nice to meet your article anyway..!
Have a good day.^SMILE^
Posted by: kklim | September 18, 2006 at 08:27 AM
thank you so much for all your happiness you have given me since I joined your site. This link is absolutely fantastic. The churches are phenomenal, the cloud site, just made me uplifted as I was being blogged down with all the negative e-mails recieved on the candidates . Thank you again and Many Years ( an Orthodox Christian greeting)
Posted by: jean fedak | October 30, 2008 at 10:08 AM