Need a reason to smile as you walk down the street or drive alone in your car?

As part of my resolution to “Lighten up,” I’ve been trying to remember to smile in odd moments.

At first I felt a bit silly as I walked along with a smile on my face, but I quickly realized that no one minds if you’re looking happy. I also try to smile whenever I interact with someone—buying a cup of coffee, checking in at the gym, going through security before going up to an office (is it only in New York City that you have to show your driver’s license in order to go into an office building?).

Facial expressions don’t merely reflect emotions, they also affect emotions. In “facial feedback,” studies show, the mere act of smiling makes people happier—even when they smile mechanically, as I’m doing, or when they’re asked not to “smile” but rather to contract specific facial muscles.

Random smiling is an example of my resolution to “Act as I want to feel”: while people suppose that feelings inspire actions, in fact, actions also inspire feelings. So by acting happier, I should feel happier. And you know, I think I do. “Sometimes your joy is the source of your smile,” Thich Nhat Hanh wrote, “but sometimes your smile can be the source of your joy.”

Also, because of emotional contagion, people often mimic the faces of people they see. I’ve definitely noticed that people are much more likely to smile at me when I’m smiling.

The biggest challenge is to remember to do it. I’m reminded of my various efforts to improve my posture. I’m good for a little while, then get distracted and don’t think about it for the rest of the day. So I’ve been trying to use the sight of a traffic light as a prompt.

Comments

[Tony D. Clark]

You're right about how a smile can affect us. I did an experiment with a group a few years back. They put their pencils in their mouth, sort of forcing a smile-like expression. I'd seen this dome a few months before at a personal development seminar.

Even though the smile wasn't "real" those doing the experiment noticed a marked improvement in their moods. It could just be a coincidence, but it did seem to work.

Smiling is a great habit to get into to. It's amazing how just smiling at someone seems to immediately change their day. Infectious good moods are a cool concept.

[Mad William Flint]

I'm squarely in the "it makes people wonder what you're up to" camp. Especially working in midtown manhattan. I've found it very easy to get into a little game with myself of having a joke or favorite stand-up bit playing around in my head (if not on my iPod.)

Reading Mark Twain on the subway helps too.

But when all else fails, looking at a group of strangers and saying to myself "heh heh. I know something you don't know." brings a smile to my face pretty quickly.

And subsequently, to others' as well.

Turns out that it doesn't really take much practice to get into such a delightful habit.

[Antique Mommy]

It's true that wearning a smile will actually help you feel more like feeling happy. The hard thing for me to do is to continue to smile at someone who is glaring at me like I'm an idiot -- my own insecurity I guess.

Love your blog, BTW.

[Miladysa]

I popped over from Blogasmic...

A smile really does brighten your day and is often the only thing you need to start a conversation with a stranger if you have very little confidence.

It is rare to smile at someone and not receive one in return :]

[Jennifer]

I was running errands the other day and while doing the drive I usually detest, I realized I was thinking of something that was making me smile. I then realized that as I drove, I let more people in, got less uptight if I was cut off, the entire trip/chore was nicer. I vowed to remember that and to leave the house with a nice thought in my head and smile on my face.

I love the term, *random smiling*!

[mature lesbians]

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[Kim Banks]

Dear Gretchen,

I just love your blog...so smart and helpful. I wish you all the best for a peaceful and prosperous 2009.

Kim

[Carr Hagerman]

I love the idea of lightening up, of claiming an attitude that reflects ones joy. Joy matters, and it seems to me that we need to be cautious not to turn smiling into a kind of "fake it til you make" practice. I've never been able to paste a smile on my face without first having a sense of balance and joy within me.

Perhaps your smile appeared as an organic reaction to putting yourself into places where there was life, like a coffee shop, or walking down the street. I find when things are tough, if I can put myself where there is energy and life, my smile seems to find me.

Sometimes all we need to do is turn our heads 10 degrees, and the world is different.

[MAB]

I feel happier already. Thank you.

[Tory Hughes]

Your use of a traffic light to remember to smile reminds me of Thich Nhat Hanh's use of the red brake lights ahead in traffic: paraphrasing>" Imagine all those pairs of lights are the smiling eyes of Buddha, beaming at you, being loving and patient. Fill your heart with gladness for all the smiling eyes around you when you are stuck in traffic..."

[cm]

In one day I got two of the best compliments and that was because I made a conscious effort to smile while I was walking down the street. Someone cried out from a passing car, "Hi pretty Lady". Half hour later I walked into a store and the man behind the counter said, "I love your smile." Needless to say I sitll remember those times and try to stay smiling. It changes your outlook and your mood, obviously it changes other peoples also.

[Jomama]

Boy, smiling to get compliments and better service sure sounds easier than my other strategy of wearing more skirts and dressing more like a girl.

Does smiling still work if you're walking around in grungy jeans and a T-shirt? How does it compare in reaction to wearing a dress, but being distracted by the 100 things I have to do today?

I know which one will likely make me happier! ;-)

[Mike Gruidl]

Just a thought from something that came out of my workplace program to encourage everyone to do better. As an adult, I am in charge of how I feel. I can choose. I choose to be happy. When someone asks 'how are you doing'? My reply is usually fantastic or exceptionally well. This usually shocks people, but then they also start to smile more when they see me and I then I feel even better. A wonderfull cycle.

[Sandi]

I enjoy smiling but I don't find many people in the Midwest who do like to smile. I smile anyway, and I have started singing at water exercise, not loud, but to keep myself in a good mood.
I enjoy smiling and am just trying to ignore those that don't.

[olga]

So true....one never knows when that perfect stranger may be on their last leg, when someone just got some horrible news, a tragic diagnosis, or lost a loved one. Our smiles can be the beginning of something better for them...a reminder that there are people out there that care, who notice them.

Smiling is contagious...really, it is. I challenge you to do an experiment and see if when you smile at someone who doesn't, how they react.

Of course, there will be times when people do not respond....on those occasions, I usually make a comment like: "tough day, eh?" That usually gives way to a genuine response...in which case, I listen.

So, smile....it really does work wonders!

[tanya van dyck]

Smile and the world will smile with you, an old saying, but so true!!!!!!

[James Reide]

This is such an amazing blog, there is so much wonderful information here.