Want to have meaningful conversation with a stranger?

I’ve discovered that a benefit of the Happiness Project is that the subject of happiness is great food for conversation with a stranger.

Whenever I’m talking to someone I’ve never met before, I can explain the subject of my book and say, “I ask everyone I meet – do you have any tips, rules to live by, thoughts, or great resources about happiness?”

Everyone has tremendously interesting things to say about happiness. Some have a long list of thoughtful principles. Some deny that happiness is real. Some say they don’t follow any rules – but then realize that they do, once we talk for a bit. Each answer is interesting for its own reasons.

It’s a great help to hear so many viewpoints, of course. And people also seem to enjoy being cast in the role of expert.

It’s also very nice to have a strategy – without resorting to a gimmick or seeming nosy – to ask a question that goes right to the core; because even with someone sympathetic and engaging, it can be difficult to identify common ground for a meaningful conversation.

How do you break through the superficialities: what do you do, where do you live, how did you spend the summer, etc.? E. M. Forster wrote, “Only connect.” But how to connect?

Most people can’t use the I’m-writing-a-book-about-happiness strategy for connecting with a new acquaintance, obviously. But I imagine you could achieve get the same outcome by explaining you’re taking an informal poll on a particular question: “Are people today better or worse parents than the generation who were our parents?” “What’s more important to a satisfying life, passion or balance?” “Are the qualities of conformity and conventionality actually very laudable?” “What would your life be like if you still lived in your home town?” or whatever.

Posing such a question to many different people allows you to connect on a deeper level with others, to gain insight into an interesting question, and to make social interactions easier and more fun.

Surely that makes for more happiness.

Comments

[shuchetana]

Hi Gretchen, I love your posts. I'm thinking of saying, "I write a blog about doing better in personal and business life, and I wonder if you have any tips about..." I really like this idea of yours :)
I was also wondering if you, or any of your readers, could answer a slightly unrelated question of mine: where do you get your pictures from?
I'm a new blogger, and till now, I'm having a hard time using pictures: so far I've either mentioned the source, or used my own. But is it ok to use images that I found on a google search? I'm lost about this one.

[Gretchen Rubin]

I'm so glad you like the blog! I just visited your blog, life PBS, and am looking forward to spending some time poking through it -- thanks for letting us know about it. zoikes, I have to admit, I've never worried about using the photos. Usually I get them from Google Images. I hope there are no rights issues.

[shuchetana]

hi, thanx for letting me know about where you get your images. I think most people do the same thing; I was a bit worried about rights issues, but I can't see any other way of getting pictures. I'm glad you liked my blog :)

[Jude]

I never have a problem striking up a conversation with strangers. In fact, I find it fun. One of the best places to do this is at Wal-Mart or the post office while you're waiting in line. Often people don't want to talk, but I can usually get some sort of conversation going. One technique is to intrude in a conversation which is already going. This can annoy people, but if you contribute a jocular comment or two, you can become part of the group. Superificial conversation with strangers is my specialty--it's meaningful conversations with people I know that I find difficult.

[Bob M]

Great tip. Thanks.

[Your future husband]

Your insight is beyond words. But first I must say that I did not read your article. I just read the title and I can tell the article was well thought out. Secondly by looking at your splendid red hair and stunning figure I imagine you could grab a husband and thus start having a family. I think you getting a good husband to serve would truly lead to your full happiness.

By the way, no need to thank me I am just a wandering internet traveler.