About Pollyanna week, and also spontaneous trait transference.

I’ve been noticing lately how critical people are. The restaurant was a disappointment, or the party was dreary, or the speakers were dull, or the kids were badly behaved, or the dinner companions were pompous, or the movie was stupid, or the book was overrated. Why must everyone do so much whining, carping, and complaining?

And, oh yeah, I think I might be getting a little over-critical, myself.

So I’ve declared this week Pollyanna Week. For one week, I’ve vowed, I won’t utter one word of criticism or complaint. If I can’t say something nice, I won’t say anything at all.

One reason I decided to do this is because of the tremendous efficacy of my commandment to “Act as I would feel.” I want to feel enthusiastic, warm, and accepting, and I’m not going to get there by constantly making snarky comments.

The other reason is that I realized the truth of Samuel Johnson’s observation: “To hear complaints is wearisome alike to the wretched and the happy.”

So I set off down the sidewalk this morning, deep in thought about Pollyanna week, and by 9:35 a.m. I’d already broken my resolution.

During my weight-training, my instructor and I were talking about mercury levels in fish. And I criticized an article I'd read recently.

“The headline was deceptive,” I said, in a disparaging tone. “It seemed to say that eating fish had been shown to be great for your health, but then the body of the article made all sorts of exceptions -- like children and women of childbearing age. It was misleading."

Then five minutes later – aaack. I realized I’d broken my resolution.

Now, it’s true, I made what I consider to be a valid criticism of the article. And it's true that drawing distinctions and making critical judgments are crucial to sophisticated discernment.

But most of the criticism I indulge in isn’t of that sort; it’s not thoughtful critique, or constructive analysis, but instead kneejerk bad-mouthing. And so to get myself out of fault-finding mode, I’m just going to quit cold turkey instead of trying to make nice distinctions between types of criticism.

Last night I was reading a fascinating book, David Myers's Intuition: Its Powers and Perils. And it gave me another reason to stop being so critical.

In “spontaneous trait transference,” people spontaneously and unintentionally associate what you say about the qualities of other people with the qualities of you yourself. So if I tell Jean that Pat is arrogant or stupid, unconsciously Jean will associate that quality with me. On the other hand, if I say that Pat is brilliant or hilarious, I’ll be linked to those qualities. Ever wondered why people want to kill the messenger who brings bad news? Trait transference. So by being more generous and enthusiastic, I'll be helping my own reputation as well as other people's.

**
At 11:45, I broke my vow again. Pollyanna Week is going to be tougher than I thought.

Comments

[gr8face]

Just . . . be glad there's only 6 more days till Sunday :)

[Kent Blumberg]

I love this post! I think I'll try Pollyanna week myself. There - I've done it for five seconds already.

Seriously, this is a great idea. I'm going to try it for a day first, and see how it goes.

[MillionDollarCountDown]

Great blog. It goes in my blog roll. On a related note I have been struggling with a question that you may have an answer.

Why do people who have enough money work? Is this for achieving greater happiness? I have my doubts.

And something to ponder...I read somewhere that there are 3 key elements to happiness...healthy mind, healthy body and true friends.

[Cara]

Fabulous post! I'll join you in this challenge.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Good luck everyone! Report on how you do with Pollyanna Week. I for one am finding it much tougher than I expected. I suppose that's the point.

Ah, the relationship between money and happiness. So complicated, so fascinating. But the short answer, I think, is that money is so much more than money. It's also a grade; a tool for relating to other people; a fantasy; a security blanket; an attempt to control the future; a purpose. So there are many reasons to keep piling it up.

[Matt Langdon]

It's a great idea. I've tried to do this many times before, but I've never had a name for it. Maybe with a name, it will have more power over me. If not, I'll get a clunky orange bracelet.

[MillionDollarCountDown]

Follow up on money question...Is there a subsitute for money at least partially. especially when you hhave sufficient amount to meet your needs in a decent manner.

I am not referring to Yogi's or priests. That is an extreme. For regular normal folks can they create a substitute once their basic needs are met. All in the hope of a better happier life.

[Sharyn]

Re: the above comment
How about love?

[TasterSpoon]

RE: money substitute.

I'd suggest "time." It's the only thing we REALLY have in absolutely limited quantities. I think money's great to the extent it can buy freedom - to do what you want with the time you have (even if it's work at a job you enjoy).

Here's a link to a study illustrating how people's measure of happiness is inversely correllated to (among other things) their commute time. More discretionary time => more happiness. http://www.false-profit.com/strategy/buyinghappiness

[Michael]

The guy who wrote "Stumbling on Happiness" talks a lot about how money actually does not make people much happier. We find this hard to believe because our entire system is based on the idea of acquiring more.

Separately, one reason why people continue working even when they have lots of money is that it's only through engagement, which usually comes in the form of work, that people experience "flow", or "peak experience." Many people are actually depressed when they have a lot of leisure. See "Finding Flow," by Csikszentmihalyi