The Happiness Project

How to spark your creativity by reading magazines.

I read in Daniel Pink's A Whole New Mind--a fascinating book about creativity, happiness, imagination, and the future of work--that a good way to spark creative energy is to pick up magazines that I wouldn’t ordinarily read.

Because I was hoping to find a copy of Art on Paper magazine (see November 24), I wandered into a magazine shop near my gym, and discovered a magazine gold mine—racks lined the room from floor to ceiling, and more piles fanned out across the floor.

Usually I wouldn’t spend money on magazines for a lark, but I reminded myself of my July resolutions to “indulge in a modest splurge” and to “make purchases that will further my goals” (spurring creativity is definitely one of my goals).

So after I located Art on Paper, I walked myself to three different subject sections to pull out a magazine at random. After making sure that I hadn’t accidentally picked up a soft porn magazine—I didn’t know whether the store carried them or not, but I certainly didn’t want to come home with that—I headed for the cash register.

I ended up buying Paper Crafts Gourmet magazine (“easy ideas for food, cards & more!”), Fresh Outlook magazine (“the premier Christian magazine: spirit, body, life, home, business”), and Equus magazine (a special issue on “the Healthy Horse”).

Last night, I looked at each of them from cover to cover. What result?

I have to admit, it was a very interesting exercise. Definitely worth the $13 I spent.

Part of what was interesting was the glimpse provided into other people’s lives and concerns. I’d never thought about the challenges of bringing a horse to the horse hospital or about hoof care.

I loved looking at the homemade cards, invitations, and tags in the craft magazine, and I was also intrigued by the text of a sample invitation for the “Mocktail Party” – “Join us for dinner and mocktails with a Caribbean flair as we celebrate our 13th anniversary.” I understand, of course, that some people don’t drink alcohol. Is it the case that people in social sets where most people don’t drink—people who are observant Mormons, say—have “mocktails”? That was a new thought for me. I guess it shows how strong the tradition of drinking is, and how connected to the idea of celebration.

In Fresh Outlook magazine, a Bible quotation grabbed my attention. All day long, I’d been brooding about how annoyed I was about something someone had done. I really, really, really wanted to complain about it and criticize that person. I knew I shouldn’t. I knew I’d feel remorseful afterwards. Nevertheless, I was itching to pour out my irritation to some sympathetic friend. Then I came to a magazine page that had almost no text on it, so the words stood out in sharp relief: “Where there is no wood, the fire goes out; and where there is no talebearer, strife ceases.” Proverbs 26:20.

Point taken.

So do I conclude that my magazine purchases sparked my creativity? Yes, I think so. I got some new and unexpected ideas into my brain. And it was a lot of fun—even reading about the life cycle of horse parasites was strangely absorbing.

This Wednesday: Tips for passing time with kids.

Every Wednesday is Tip Day.
This Wednesday: Tips for passing the time with kids.

You’re with your kids, and you’re stuck in a long line at the drug store. Or waiting for a plane to take off. Or trapped in a car for two more hours. What to do?

Here are some ways to pass the time. Maybe they don’t all sound incredibly compelling to an adult, but I’ve successfully relied on them all many times:

This or That: would you rather eat a hotdog or a hamburger? would you rather be able to fly or breathe underwater?

Imaginary Bedroom: ask your child to imagine the perfect bedroom, complete with magical features.

Who Am I?: one person describes himself or herself as a familiar character—Wilbur, Hermione, Shrek—and the other person guesses the identity.

Name That Store (my invention): I feel like I’m indoctrinating the Big Girl in capitalist culture, but hey, it works. I ask her to come up with names for a pet store, a toy store. Strangely fascinating.

Twenty Questions: never fails to amuse.

Name Game: one person picks a person’s name, the next person has to think of a name that begins with the last letter of that name. Henry, Yolanda, Amanda…

Rock, Paper, Scissors: try the two-handed version for more challenge.

Hangman (if you have paper and pen): it’s more fun for kids if you pick a sentence instead of a word, because they get more hits that way.

Tic Tac Toe (if you have paper and pen): little kids love it, but it can be painful for adults, just too easy.

Do you ever find it hard to do something you KNOW you should do?

I can tell I’ve been working on the Happiness Project for a while now, because I have a resolution or a commandment that covers just about every situation.

This morning, for example, I finally followed my commandment, “Do what ought to be done.” In this case, that meant going to the eye doctor.

I started having trouble with my right eye while I was in India. We got back on October 16—yes, that was forty-four days ago. Did the problem go away? No. Did I call the doctor? No.

I kept trying to convince myself that my eye was getting better. Still sore, still bloodshot, still light sensitive…I had a hard time making the case that I was seeing some improvement, but still I delayed. I’m not sure why. I wasn't scared to go to the eye doctor.

Yesterday I managed to get a grip on myself. I just picked up the phone to do what ought to be done. What result?

I called my eye doctor’s office yesterday afternoon at 4:00.

The secretary was able to squeeze me in this morning at 9:00.

I showed up at 8:55 a.m, to an office six blocks from my apartment.

Turns out I’m having an allergic reaction (not an infection) and, on a scale from 1-4, my right eye is 4+++ and my left eye is 4+. Apparently my eyes aren’t getting better on their own--but the doctor predicts almost immediate improvement once I start using the drops.

I paid my co-pay, got my prescription for eye drops, and was out the door at 9:16.

Now, was that so hard? Why did I suffer for six weeks rather than spend twenty minutes taking care of the problem? Do what ought to be done.

*
I got some excellent podcasting advice from Tony D. Clark, who, I quickly discovered, has gone FAR BEYOND anything I can contemplate doing myself. But although I was cowed by his podcast expertise, I was charmed by the rest of his site, Success From the Nest, which is about the challenges and fun of being a work-at-home parent. Lots of good stuff there.

Plus his site pointed me to a truly happiness-making video from YouTube, of a baby laughing in a high chair. You MUST go see this (probably everyone else in cyberspace has known about this forever, but I just saw it now). Check it out on the Escape Adulthood blog, which is also a wonderful new resource I just found, via Success From the Nest.

Still plugging away at podcasting.

One popular piece of how-to-be-happy advice is "Learn to do something new."

This is a good example of the fact that happiness doesn't always make you feel happy; i.e., it can be tough to learn something new. But I'm plugging away.

This is a test, so just ignore anything you see.

Download test5.mp3

Download i_think_this_is_actually_working.mp3

Also, I don't know much about naming conventions for podcasts. What is the most convenient way for podcasts to be titled? should they include the date? I see how to edit the ID3 tags, but am not sure what is most convenient for the listener. Any suggestions would be gratefully received!

This is only a test.

It's November, the month of "Take the extra step," and so I'm still flailing around trying to figure out how to podcast. This is a test, so if by a miracle, something podcast-like appears someplace on this site, just ignore it.

Download test2.mp3.aup

Why it's so hard to "Be Gretchen." (Even for those of us actually named "Gretchen.")

The first of my Twelve Commandments is “Be Gretchen.” Now, why is it hard just to be myself?

It sounds so simple. It’s a piece of advice that people have been doling out for thousands of years (I think the Pythian Oracle is inscribed ‘Know thyself’). And yet it’s very, very hard to do.

And I’ve realized one of the reasons why. It’s because although you can choose what you do, you can’t choose what you like to do. You can’t control your tastes.

I’m thinking about this because I’m sitting in a coffee shop, and they’re playing Kate Bush over the loudspeaker.

I have a confession to make. I love Kate Bush. I have practically no interest in music, but the first time I heard her “The Kick Inside,” I loved it. I still remember the afternoon when, during my sophomore year in college, my roommate’s friend from home (he clearly had a huge unrequited crush on her) brought it over on a Friday afternoon, and for lack of anything better to do, we listened to it as we began the elaborate process of “getting ready to go out.”

That reaction was unusual for me. Although I do love certain songs, I have only a mild appreciation for most music.

I listened to Kate Bush for a while. But gradually I decided that I didn’t like the fact that I liked it. I wished that I liked jazz, or cutting-edge music, or at least classical music. Kate Bush was too…sentimental. Sappy. Histrionic. Icky mystical. But nevertheless I loved it. So what to do? Gradually I stopped listening to it.

About a year ago, I saw on Amazon that her new CD "Aerial" got some ecstatic reviews. For the first time in a long time, I thought about Kate Bush. I briefly considered buying it, but then I thought—no, I’m not the kind of person who listens to Kate Bush.

Maybe I’m not the kind of person who listens to Kate Bush.
But whether I like it or not, I am the kind of person who likes Kate Bush.

Be Gretchen. I just ordered Aerial.

Turning complaints into pleasures, or, making a virtue of necessity.

One of my resolutions is to “turn complaints into pleasures.” This sound obnoxiously Pollyanna-ish, but I’ve been amazed by how often it can be done.

This “morning” was a great example. I was wide awake at 3:00 a.m., and for some reason, saw very clearly how to draft a certain tricky letter that I need to write, so I turned the light on low and scribbled down my idea. (I’ve learned the hard way how fleeting those night thoughts can be.)

I tried to go back to sleep, but at 4:00, I was still awake.

Instead of tossing and fuming, as I used to do, I got up, got dressed, made myself some coffee, and headed to my office.

It was a tremendous pleasure to work in those dark and quiet hours. I was extraordinarily productive, and did a bunch of things I’d been putting off.

In fact, I was once again tackling my current albatross--figuring out how to podcast--when I heard the Little Girl starting to bellow in her crib.

So instead of starting my day feeling frustrated by lying in bed for hours, or feeling groggy if I'd managed to fall asleep for an hour or so, but then had to wake up, I started my day with a feeling of tranquility and accomplishment.

Voila! A complaint turned into a pleasure.

*
Recently, I collaborated on a book, Profane Waste, with artist Dana Hoey. She went on to do a series of prints based on her photographs from the book, and I just found out that her Dewars Mother (Destroyed) was singled out by Art on Paper magazine as one of the most interesting prints of the year -- out of some 900 works. If you go to the Art on Paper link, Dewars Mother (Destroyed) is pictured on the homepage. Dana did all the work on the prints, obviously, but I feel very famous and glamorous because I'm the model she used in the photograph. Yup, that's me pregnant with the Little Girl. (I did not actually drink the Dewar's.)

This Saturday: a quote from Seneca.

“Great pleasure is to be found not only in keeping up an old and established friendship but also in beginning and building up a new one…The philosopher Attalus used to say that it was more of a pleasure to make a friend than to have one, ‘in the same way as an artist derives more pleasure from painting than from having completed a picture.’…So with our children, their growing up brings wider fruits but their infancy was sweeter.” --Seneca

*
Whoops, it's not Saturday. The holiday confused me.

Thinking about Thanksgiving and also JFK.

Today is November 23, which means that yesterday was November 22.

Until a few years ago, the date November 22 meant little to me—only that it was time to make sure I’d figured out a birthday present for my father, whose birthday is November 28.

But ever since I began working on my biography of John Kennedy, I’ve always felt a strange emotion on November 22. That was the day he died—November 22, 1963.

My feeling isn’t sorrow, exactly…Kennedy was shot before I was born, and to me that event seems so historically inevitable that I don’t really feel sorrow.

It’s more of a sense of being reminded of the awesome workings of fate—how swiftly everything can change, how the most ordinary day can turn into a life’s turning point.

And this year, with Thanksgiving falling so early, that emotion has carried over until today. I’m grateful for all my good fortune. And I’m mindful of being grateful, too, for all the bad fortune that passed me by: the doctor’s report that came back “negative,” the near miss on a bridge on an icy road, the time the Big Girl dreamily walked out into the traffic on Park Avenue before I could stop her.

“She thought again of how dangerous it was to live even for one day.” --Virginia Woolf, Mrs. Dalloway

this Wednesday: Tips for what you don't have to do--and what you do.

Every Wednesday is Tip Day.
This Wednesday: Tips for what you DON’T have to do and what you DO have to do.

Don’t confuse what you must do with what you choose to do. For example:

You don’t have to carry around a bottle of water.
You don’t have to finish a magazine before you throw it away.
You don’t have to dress to express your individuality.
You don’t have to drink wine with dinner.
You don’t have to carry a wallet.
You don’t have to watch reality TV.
You don’t have to take a shower every day.
You don’t have to check your email every minute.
You don’t have to get a manicure.
You don’t have to answer your phone.
You don’t have to use hair conditioner.
You don’t have to send out holiday cards.
You don’t have to read or watch crime reports.
You don’t have to keep up with sports news or celebrity gossip.
You don’t have to have house plants.
You don’t have to wear uncomfortable shoes.

You do have to keep some cash around at all times.
You do have to call when you’re going to be late.
You do have to remember the birthdays of your immediate family.
You do have to back up your computer files.
You do have to exercise regularly.
You do have to keep a cache of toilet paper in the house.
You do have to keep your phone charged.
You do have to keep a spare key.