The Happiness Project: this Wednesday: Tips for what you don't have to do--and what you do.

My Twelve Commandments

1. Be Gretchen.
2. Let it go.
3. Act as I would feel.
4. Do it now.
5. Be polite and be fair.
6. Enjoy the process.
7. Spend out.
8. Identify the problem.
9. Lighten up.
10. Do what ought to be done.
11. No calculation.
12. There is only love.

Secrets of Adulthood.

By doing a little bit each day, you can get a lot accomplished.
People don’t notice your mistakes and flaws as much as you think.
It's nice to have plenty of money.
Most decisions don't require extensive research.
Try not to let yourself get too hungry.
Even if you think they are fake holidays, it's nice to celebrate Mother's Day and Father's Day.
If you can't find something, clean up.
The days are long, but the years are short.
Someplace, keep an empty shelf.
Turning the computer on and off a few times often fixes a glitch.
It's okay to ask for help.
You can choose what you do; you can't choose what you LIKE to do.
Happiness doesn't always make you feel happy.
What you do EVERY DAY matters more than what you do ONCE IN A WHILE.
You don't have to be good at everything.
Soap and water removes most stains.
It's important to be nice to EVERYONE.
You know as much as most people.
Over-the-counter medicines are very effective.
Eat better, eat less, exercise more.
What's fun for other people may not be fun for you--and vice versa.
People actually prefer that you buy wedding gifts off their registry.
Houseplants and photo albums are a lot of trouble.
If you're not failing, you're not trying hard enough.
No deposit, no return.

Month-by-month goals for the Happiness Project.

December: The way of perfection.
November: Take the extra step.
October: Try hypnosis.
September: Write a novel.
August: Contemplate the heavens.
July: Buy a white t-shirt; throw away a white t-shirt.
June: Eat a peach.
May: Laugh out loud.
April: Remember birthdays.
March: Start a blog.
February: Sing in the morning.
January: Clear my closets.

Happiness theories I reject.

Vauvenargues: “There are men who are happy without knowing it.”
Eric Hoffer: “The search for happiness is one of the chief sources of unhappiness.”
Sartre: "Hell is other people."
Willa Cather: “One cannot divine nor forecast the conditions that will make happiness; one only stumbles upon them…”
Alexander Smith: “We are never happy; we can only remember that we were so once.”
John Stuart Mill: “Ask yourself whether you are happy, and you cease to be so.”
G.K. Chesterton: “Happiness is a mystery, like religion, and should never be rationalised.”
Solon: “Let no man be called happy before his death. Till then, he is not happy, only lucky.”

StatCounter2

Every Wednesday is Tip Day.
This Wednesday: Tips for what you DON’T have to do and what you DO have to do.

Don’t confuse what you must do with what you choose to do. For example:

You don’t have to carry around a bottle of water.
You don’t have to finish a magazine before you throw it away.
You don’t have to dress to express your individuality.
You don’t have to drink wine with dinner.
You don’t have to carry a wallet.
You don’t have to watch reality TV.
You don’t have to take a shower every day.
You don’t have to check your email every minute.
You don’t have to get a manicure.
You don’t have to answer your phone.
You don’t have to use hair conditioner.
You don’t have to send out holiday cards.
You don’t have to read or watch crime reports.
You don’t have to keep up with sports news or celebrity gossip.
You don’t have to have house plants.
You don’t have to wear uncomfortable shoes.

You do have to keep some cash around at all times.
You do have to call when you’re going to be late.
You do have to remember the birthdays of your immediate family.
You do have to back up your computer files.
You do have to exercise regularly.
You do have to keep a cache of toilet paper in the house.
You do have to keep your phone charged.
You do have to keep a spare key.

What started me thinking.

"Whoever is happy will make others happy, too." Mark Twain.
“There is no duty we so much underrate as the duty of being happy.” Robert Louis Stevenson
"Martha, Martha, thou art careful and troubled about many things: But one thing is needful: and Mary hath chosen that good part, which shall not be taken away from her." Luke 10:41-42
“Imaginary evil is romantic and varied; real evil is gloomy, monotonous, barren, boring. Imaginary good is boring; real good is always new, marvelous, intoxicating.” Simone Weil
“What a wonderful life I’ve had! I only wish I’d realized it sooner.” Colette
“It is easy to be heavy: hard to be light.” G. K. Chesterton
“A man’s first care should be to avoid the reproaches of his own heart.” Joseph Addison
“For the love of God and my Sisters (so charitable toward me) I take care to appear happy and especially to be so.” St. Therese
“Best is good. Better is best.” Lisa Grunwald
“All severity that does not tend to increase good, or prevent evil, is idle.” Samuel Johnson
“I must do the work that I am best suited for…” Edward Weston daybook
“Order is Heaven’s first law.” Alexander Pope
“How slight and insignificant is the thing which casts down or restores a mind greedy for praise.” Horace

Comments

These tips show how variable needs and wants can be, depending on where you live. For example, I never need to keep cash around. Since 2/3rds of my doors don't lock, I don't need to carry a spare key. I live in the west, where it is advisable to always have water, if not on my person, at least in my vehicle (and definitely with me on a walk of any duration). The rest I pretty much avoid, although I have to keep up somewhat with celebrity gossip so I can discuss it with my IM colleague who always asks me how I feel about such and such--most recently, about Michael Richards' comments. I value the relationship I have with this colleague, so I quickly research the latest gossip so I can discuss it with him. Another thing you never have to do in the west--carry an umbrella.

Posted by: Jude | November 22, 2006 at 07:51 PM

I regularly recycle magazines, but I would never throw away a magazine.

Posted by: Jude | November 22, 2006 at 07:56 PM

excellent post.

Posted by: emilie | November 23, 2006 at 07:51 AM

I would add:

-- you don't have to watch television at all
-- you don't have to accept a plastic bag at the grocery store when you are just buying a carton of milk
-- and you don't have to create little moral tests for yourself all day long like whether you are watching TV or using too many plastic bags or recycling magazines

Posted by: Michael | November 23, 2006 at 08:27 AM

I love this. I'm going to link you, and also steal this idea. It's funny how sometimes we don't know the simplest things, until we someone else says it outloud.

Posted by: Jules | November 23, 2006 at 12:51 PM

Hmmm. A little too easy. What about the things that you don't have to do or, at different times at least, you have convinced yourself that you don't have to do? I don't have to make my bed in the morning and it is much easier not to do so. But how wonderful it is to slip into a made bed at night. Some things I don't know I should choose to do until I reap the rewards of doing them.

Posted by: Helen | November 23, 2006 at 07:41 PM

You don't HAVE to do anything.
We only have to do certain things in order for other certain things to happen.
What people call true needs, are things normally needed for survival, but even survival is a choice.
Choosing to live, instead of living because nature demands us to, to me, makes for a hightened sense of freedom.

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