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My Twelve Commandments

  • 1. Be Gretchen.
  • 2. Let it go.
  • 3. Act as I would feel.
  • 4. Do it now.
  • 5. Be polite and be fair.
  • 6. Enjoy the process.
  • 7. Spend out.
  • 8. Identify the problem.
  • 9. Lighten up.
  • 10. Do what ought to be done.
  • 11. No calculation.
  • 12. There is only love.

If you'd like a copy of my resolutions chart

  • Just drop me an email. The first part is grubin (then that familiar symbol). The second part is gretchenrubin (then a period, then a com). Sorry to be convoluted--because of spam.

Every Wednesday is Tip Day.

Secrets of Adulthood.

  • By doing a little bit each day, you can get a lot accomplished.
  • People don’t notice your mistakes and flaws as much as you think.
  • It's nice to have plenty of money.
  • Most decisions don't require extensive research.
  • Try not to let yourself get too hungry.
  • Even if you think they are fake holidays, it's nice to celebrate Mother's Day and Father's Day.
  • If you can't find something, clean up.
  • The days are long, but the years are short.
  • Someplace, keep an empty shelf.
  • Turning the computer on and off a few times often fixes a glitch.
  • It's okay to ask for help.
  • You can choose what you do; you can't choose what you LIKE to do.
  • Happiness doesn't always make you feel happy.
  • What you do EVERY DAY matters more than what you do ONCE IN A WHILE.
  • You don't have to be good at everything.
  • Soap and water removes most stains.
  • It's important to be nice to EVERYONE.
  • You know as much as most people.
  • Over-the-counter medicines are very effective.
  • Eat better, eat less, exercise more.
  • What's fun for other people may not be fun for you--and vice versa.
  • People actually prefer that you buy wedding gifts off their registry.
  • Houseplants and photo albums are a lot of trouble.
  • If you're not failing, you're not trying hard enough.
  • No deposit, no return.

Month-by-month goals for the Happiness Project.

  • December: The way of perfection.
  • November: Take the extra step.
  • October: Try hypnosis.
  • September: Write a novel.
  • August: Contemplate the heavens.
  • July: Buy a white t-shirt; throw away a white t-shirt.
  • June: Eat a peach.
  • May: Laugh out loud.
  • April: Remember birthdays.
  • March: Start a blog.
  • February: Sing in the morning.
  • January: Clear my closets.

My areas of focus for the Happiness Project

  • 1. Order
  • 2. Marriage and Family
  • 3. Work and Leisure
  • 4. Friends
  • 5. Conduct of Life--Exterior
    (loving-kindness, the duty to be happy, etc.)
  • 6. Conduct of Life--Interior
    (accept myself, live in the moment, etc.)

Happiness theories I reject.

  • Vauvenargues: “There are men who are happy without knowing it.”
  • Eric Hoffer: “The search for happiness is one of the chief sources of unhappiness.”
  • Sartre: "Hell is other people."
  • Willa Cather: “One cannot divine nor forecast the conditions that will make happiness; one only stumbles upon them…”
  • Alexander Smith: “We are never happy; we can only remember that we were so once.”
  • John Stuart Mill: “Ask yourself whether you are happy, and you cease to be so.”
  • G.K. Chesterton: “Happiness is a mystery, like religion, and should never be rationalised.”
  • Solon: “Let no man be called happy before his death. Till then, he is not happy, only lucky.”

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This Wednesday: Tips for passing time with kids.

TictactoeEvery Wednesday is Tip Day.
This Wednesday: Tips for passing the time with kids.

You’re with your kids, and you’re stuck in a long line at the drug store. Or waiting for a plane to take off. Or trapped in a car for two more hours. What to do?

Here are some ways to pass the time. Maybe they don’t all sound incredibly compelling to an adult, but I’ve successfully relied on them all many times:

This or That: would you rather eat a hotdog or a hamburger? would you rather be able to fly or breathe underwater?

Imaginary Bedroom: ask your child to imagine the perfect bedroom, complete with magical features.

Who Am I?: one person describes himself or herself as a familiar character—Wilbur, Hermione, Shrek—and the other person guesses the identity.

Name That Store (my invention): I feel like I’m indoctrinating the Big Girl in capitalist culture, but hey, it works. I ask her to come up with names for a pet store, a toy store. Strangely fascinating.

Twenty Questions: never fails to amuse.

Name Game: one person picks a person’s name, the next person has to think of a name that begins with the last letter of that name. Henry, Yolanda, Amanda…

Rock, Paper, Scissors: try the two-handed version for more challenge.

Hangman (if you have paper and pen): it’s more fun for kids if you pick a sentence instead of a word, because they get more hits that way.

Tic Tac Toe (if you have paper and pen): little kids love it, but it can be painful for adults, just too easy.

Comments

I'll have to remember This or That. We do a lot of I Spy and Tic Tac Toe.

I love these! The most important tip though is to remember to switch gears from being crazed mother trying to occupy kids, keep everyone quiet and happy, and move to being fully present in the moment. Kids magically switch from being energy drains to being delightful fun people I love being around! My life also changed when I made the family rule that saying "I'm bored" was no longer allowed. Our family now thinks that "stupid", "bored" and "hate" are swear words..... the only person who occasionally resorts to using them is me. Sad but true.

I LOVE THIS LIST! Brilliant! I will have to remember these for our next road trip, or grocery store wait.

http://nymag.com/news/features/24757/

Here is a nother interesting article that talks about happiness. Interesting that a counselor tells people "Happiness equals reality divided by expectations." Interesting.

The article is the cover feature on Burnout.

our favorite game is the Alphabet Game where you have to find signs with the first letter of the alphabet -- and you can't find another until you pass the first one (which is brutal when you see a sign for a X-Rays and the Zoo).

THANK. YOU. It is difficult sometimes, and this is very very good advice to have some games like this in your arsenal to deal with those times when you are tense and the kid is bored. This keeps everyone from losing it... or at least delays it for a while. :)

Try this link for some great ideas for car journey games. All them have pdf's for printing off. Leave a set of them in the car so you are always prepared. It's a UK based site so some ideas might need 'translating' for use elsewhere.

http://www.rac.co.uk/web/knowhow/going_on_a_journey/games/

Try this link for some great ideas for car journey games. All them have pdf's for printing off. Leave a set of them in the car so you are always prepared. It's a UK based site so some ideas might need 'translating' for use elsewhere.

Awesome post. If we are somewhere where we can write or draw, my Hipster frequently comes to the rescue. I find that my 2-year old is easily bored by the coloring stuff that they hand out at restaurants, but if I hand him a stack of blank 3x5 cards from my hipster and my collapsible Zebra pen, he is much more entertained. I also keep a few photos of my kids (printed on 3x5 cards) in my hipster. He loves coloring his own face :).

--s

These are great ideas! I love useful tips like these. Simple, but great!

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Like your ideas - But the fist message should be: TAKE YOUR EYES OFF THE SALES PERSON, THE PEOPLE IN LINE IN FRONT OF YOU, STOP WORRYING IF YOU ARE IN THE RIGHT LANE OR WONDERING IF THAT OTHER PERSON WILL EVER GET THEIR CREDIT CARD OUT OF THEIR WALLET.....and just turn to your kids.

Helen's comment about "bored" being a swear word in her house reminds me of a strategy my mom tried one summer when she got sick of hearing "I'm bored!" all the time. She had my brother and I write down a long list of all the things we sometimes liked to do to amuse ourselves. Then she cut up the list, folded them up, and put them in a bowl (one bowl for each of us). That summer, any time we said "I'm bored," we had to pull a slip of paper from the bowl - and we had to do whatever it said, whether we felt like it or not. The catch? Mom also got to put a list of chores in there. Most of the time I avoided saying I'm bored because I didn't want to risk pulling out "wash the kitchen floor"! But even when I did say "I'm bored" (Sometimes I said it just for the fun of seeing what I would pull out of the bowl), my mom only had to hear it once before I was occupied for the afternoon. We only did it one summer when I was about 10, but after that, I was very conscious not to go around whining about how bored I was:)

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My earth-shattering happiness formula.

  • To be happier, you need to think about FEELING GOOD, FEELING BAD, and FEELING RIGHT, in an atmosphere of growth. Clunky, but it works.

My second ground-breaking insight into happiness.

  • One of the best ways to make yourself happy is to make other people happy. One of the best ways to make other people happy is to be happy yourself.

LifeRemix

  • LifeRemix

What started me thinking.

  • "Whoever is happy will make others happy, too." Mark Twain.
  • “There is no duty we so much underrate as the duty of being happy.” Robert Louis Stevenson
  • "Martha, Martha, thou art careful and troubled about many things: But one thing is needful: and Mary hath chosen that good part, which shall not be taken away from her." Luke 10:41-42
  • “Imaginary evil is romantic and varied; real evil is gloomy, monotonous, barren, boring. Imaginary good is boring; real good is always new, marvelous, intoxicating.” Simone Weil
  • “What a wonderful life I’ve had! I only wish I’d realized it sooner.” Colette
  • “It is easy to be heavy: hard to be light.” G. K. Chesterton
  • “A man’s first care should be to avoid the reproaches of his own heart.” Joseph Addison
  • “For the love of God and my Sisters (so charitable toward me) I take care to appear happy and especially to be so.” St. Therese
  • “Best is good. Better is best.” Lisa Grunwald
  • “All severity that does not tend to increase good, or prevent evil, is idle.” Samuel Johnson
  • “I must do the work that I am best suited for…” Edward Weston daybook
  • “Order is Heaven’s first law.” Alexander Pope
  • “How slight and insignificant is the thing which casts down or restores a mind greedy for praise.” Horace

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