My Experiments in the Practice of Everyday Life

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The happiness of having an original thought.

What a great day. I had my third epiphany about the nature of happiness.

Having an original thought (or at least, original to me) is one of the most fun parts of writing—and in fact, writing is the only way that I ever manage to do much thinking.

And today I had my third major insight related to happiness.

I’ve been vexed by the problem of how to answer happiness skeptics. Very often, I encounter views like: “What does it mean to be ‘happy,’ anyway?” “I don’t even think about ‘happiness’—that term means nothing to me.” “I’m concerned with other goals, happiness isn’t one of them.” “You talk about being ‘happy,’ I talk about being ‘happy,’ who knows if we’re talking about the same thing?”

And so forth.

I’ve struggled with these lines of argument, because they either require a long struggle with definitions of “happiness” (and I got more than my fill of that sort of thing in law school) or a long philosophical argument about the nature of the good life, etc. etc.

I kept struggling to come up with some satisfactory responses. I couldn’t just dismiss this important set of objections to the very notion of a Happiness Project, and I wanted to reach these folks with my arguments. (I have to confess that I’ve become a bit of a happiness zealot.) But I didn’t want to get bogged down in a set of questions that didn’t particularly interest me.

But today I saw my way clear.

Even the people who can’t accept the idea that a person can be “happy” can accept the idea that a person can be “happier.” And that’s as far as they need to go to engage with the ideas in the Happiness Project.

And this formulation is more suited to my notion of happiness, too. “Happier” contains the promise of advancement which is so crucial to happiness, and it also suggests that happiness isn’t a final resting place, a state that we achieve and then relax and rest, but rather a never-ending process of effortful steps toward a goal.

Maybe this epiphany can also help another vexing question: what should be the subtitle of my book?

The Happiness Project: My Year of Becoming Happier
The Happiness Project: A Year of Learning to be Happier
The Happiness Project: Is There an Atkins Diet for the Soul? (I’m kidding about this one.)

Zoikes, I love having an original thought.

  • http://www.mpwilson.com/uccu/ Mad William Flint

    ah. well said! well said indeed.
    The trouble I have in communicating is that people have a hard time not equating happiness with euphoria or some kind of careless flippancy.
    Happiness is a serious matter.
    You know, like peak freans.

  • http://vaindesires.blogspot.com Matthew

    The move to talk about “happier” is a good move, dialectically. (When my ethics students starting going relativist on me, I ask them whether some things are better than others (e.g. aren’t we, morally speaking, better off without slaves?).)
    But even by speaking comparatively, I still think the same problems that you’re trying to avoid arise: by “happier” do you mean more satisfied, or experiencing more “happy” (upbeat) feelings, or better off in terms of material needs (externally satisfied), etc. Of course, maybe all of these are somehow relevant…and THAT might be the problem: that there are different things that are “somehow” relevant to happiness, but we can’t pin them down into “necessary and sufficient conditions” for happiness.
    Again, I think its a good move to make (because it appeals to something like common sense), BUT I don’t think you want to put the point (say, in your book) the way you did above (because if you think about the same sentence referring to “hot” and “hotter” it sounds silly). The sentence makes sense if you say something like “absolutely and neverendingly happy” – yeah, sure, maybe no one can be THAT, but yes, we could all be happier.
    I’ve been thinking quite a bit about this, too. Would be happy to discuss further.

  • joyce

    I am enjoying reading about your happiness project. I consider myself to be very happy but I would be happy to be even happier. My feeling is that happiness has little to do with material things but is more about good health (try doing without that for awhile and see how happy you are) and relationships, especially family relationships. Everyone needs a few grandchildren. I think it also depends on having something creative and interesting that you love to do (I do quilting). A career that you love (mine was teaching but I have retired) also helps. THanks for your insights on an interesting subject.

  • Anne

    Hi Gretchen,
    I don’t exactly remember how I stumbled upon your blog, but it was one of my “happier” moments of the past few days. Your character description rang a bell….
    What do I know about the subject?
    Little except that my abilty to be “happy” seems to be inversely correlated to my time thinking about it. I have no reason not to be happier so why am I not happier?
    I remember myself happiest as a university student, or do I just assume that because I seem to have a knack for forgetting the bad times?
    And what do I remember as being so “happy” about it?
    Definitely the “emotional connectedness” with the people I became friends with. The talks, the new ideas, the challenge, being “in the same boat”.
    Being from Belgium and having lived in the USA for 14 years, now back in Europe since 10 years, I can only say that the only things I REALLY miss from the States are my friends and the sunshine ( yes it is raining here today!).
    I believe being happier can be simple: learn to be content with what you have. But is there anything more difficult in this world?

  • Helen

    I’m sorry but I don’t like any of the subtitles you’ve proposed. I think the listed subtitles reflect more of what the project is/was for you and I tend to select/buy based on what is in it for me.

  • http://adorita.spaces.live.com/ adora

    I was very unhappy few years ago. Then on new year day 2004, I resolved to be happy. Being “happier” definitely is part of “happiness”.
    However, have you thought about the Buddhist idea of happiness? Instead of constant advancements, the focus is on contentments.
    I saw a documentary on CBC called “Passion & Fury: The Emotional Brain”. On the episode of Happiness, a Buddhist monk was able to activate those happy senors in his brain just by meditation!
    http://www.cbc.ca/natureofthings/show_emotions

  • http://www.pinkmohair.typepad.com pinkmohair

    In regard to comments by Anne, Joyce and Matthew, and for your own interest, Gretchen, The Economist has a neatly packaged article on Happiness this week. In fact, Happiness is actually their cover model (how trendy!) Amusing (economists trying to pin down an emotion) and thought provoking (we often recall painful situations as less than such if they ended well), it is worth reading.

  • bebek

    What a miserable thing life is. You’re living in clover, only the clover isn’t good enough.
    - Bertolt Brecht

  • http://ben.casnocha.com Ben Casnocha

    “The Happiness Project: A Year of Learning to be Happier”
    Although this is longer, I actually like: “The Happiness Project: What I Learned in My Year-Long Quest to Be Happier”

  • http://www.tri5h.typepad.com Trish

    I just bought a copy of Stephanie Dowrick’s “Choosing Happiness – life and soul essentials” (www.stephaniedowrick.com). On the back of the book it says “the message of this book is very simple. Right now you can be happier.” This is followed by a quote from Paul Wilson, author of the ‘Calm’ books: “Stephanie Dowrick makes the hard questions simple, she makes the impossible real and possible. Her wisdom is contagious. If anyone can cause a happiness revolution, she can.”
    It was a very enticing, engaging, inspiring introduction to the book. I know Stephanie Dowrick’s work from her regular column in the Sydney Morning Herald but this is the first book of hers that I have bought.
    Her book is practical help for people wanting a happier life, and that was the appeal for me – an instuctional manual. I am very interested in what you have learned in your journey, particularly in your assessment of different philosophies, and I think those assessments will be very useful to someone like me who doesn’t know what will work for them. But then I would be looking for very specific techniques or ideas or exercises or whatever, to incorporate the philosophy into my everyday life in order to ‘get happy.’
    My two or three cents.

  • courtney

    I think I prefer the first one. But what about (stealing somewhat from the first comment):
    The Happiness Project: Zoikes! Happiness is a serious matter!
    Or is that too upbeat?

  • http://vaindesires.blogspot.com Matthew

    Instructions…recipes…ugh.
    To address your question about titles, “The Happiness Project: My Year of Becoming Happier” says: “self-absorbed memoir for sale” (comparatively speaking).
    “The Happiness Project: A Year of Learning to be Happier” doesn’t sound too self-helpy, alludes to the personal journey content, and because of the emphasis on *learning* rather than (capital) “My year of becoming”, the title doesn’t advertise self-absorption (because learning requires interaction with others and receptiveness to their ideas).

  • Raquel

    How about The Happiness Project: the evolution of my happines.

  • Garvis

    The Happiness Project
    can you teach yourself to be happy?
    or The Happiness Project
    Can Happiness Be acquired??

  • http://www.myspace.com/doctorolove Hank Oviatt

    Gretchen,
    I think that those who dwell on the concept of happiness in itself and argue whether or not one can ever be happy by definition are probably truly miserable and tortured souls, wandering the dark spaces of life avoiding the light. You have taken a nice approach to open up yourself and others minds to finding how to incrementally be better off in many ways.
    For subtitles – I’m sure you and others can choose many. I personally wouldn’t be intrigued by either you suggested, However, many people want drugs to fix their problems. In that light, my suggestion;
    THP: The Antidote to Misery
    Happy New Year
    Dr. O

  • http://www.happiness-project.com Gretchen Rubin

    Thanks SO MUCH for everyone’s thoughts about a subtitle. Many interesting points and suggestions–I’m putting all that in my notes and will return to the question later. Maybe a lightbulb will go off in my head as I’m writing.
    The Buddhist emphasis on acceptance and detachment is compelling, and I’ve learned a bit about it, but I don’t think that’s the right approach for me. I am in the tradition of wanting to feel deeply, to cling tightly. It may be true that this is the path to greater unhappiness, but for me, it also seems to be a path to greater happiness. Very complicated issue…
    And Joyce, what a great line — “Everyone needs a few grandchildren.” After having spent a week with my parents, watching them be grandparents with my two girls, I think I’d love a few grandchildren of my own.

  • http://www.CoolTechU.com Mark Freedman

    The Happiness Project: The First Year of a Life-Long Journey
    I don’t know, but to me, happiness = peace of mind. That’s my true goal, but I think it’s more of an ongoing journey rather than a truly obtainable goal.

  • http://sarabrumfield.blogspot.com Sara in Austin

    How about this one?
    The Happiness Project: Happier Day by Day

  • Paul Tailor

    If I can be thrown into a deep spiral of depression when I obsess about some (perceived) fault (and I do), I try to just STOP the negative thinking and START thinking happy thoughts. And, gosh darn, it works! Because, as someone as wise a Bertholt Brecht said, “I’m good enough, I’m smart enough and gosh darn it, people like me!” Make it your daily affirmation! And just be happy, darn it!

  • http://www.321books.co.uk Mal

    How can clinging tightly lead to happiness? When what you cling to is torn from your grasp (as everything is eventually) then you will be unhappy. It’s not only Buddhism that condemns clinging, so does stoicism and all the other wisdom traditions. Of course Nietzsche recommended feeling deeply and clinging onto one’s own will to power, which you seem to be recommending. This is likely to lead to ‘feeling deeply’ as you seem to want. But along with feeling high, it will surely lead to feeling low — remember Nietzsche ended up hugging a horse and mental collapse. Buddha or Nietzsche? Take your choice. How can you have both? “Everyone needs a few grandchildren.” is surely wrong. Are you saying everyone without grandchildren is unhappy? Seligman’s surveys certainly don’t show that. If you cling to that idea what happens if your children turn out gay, barren, or have an early death?