So I’ve been working on my Happiness Project for a year now. I know that when I behave better, I’m happier. And yet when I look back at some of my recent misdeeds, I see how far I have to go.
I haven’t done an “evening tidy-up” in three days, and it shows. A pair of little red shoes on the window sill, no toilet paper in our bathroom, magazines that need to go to recycling, plastic play food in every corner…and where is my camera? I need that tidy-up. The disorder is making me crabby.
Despite having allegedly sworn off “fake food,” I went to Tasti-D-Lite on Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday this week. Tasti-D-Lite, a kind of mysteriously delicious frozen “yoghurt,” was my favorite fake food until I discovered the Nutritious Creations cookie. I can’t just re-substitute one fake food for another! That’s not healthy.
I saw an acquaintance on the street from afar, but didn’t go over to say hello (I wasn’t sure I remembered his name correctly). I felt unfriendly.
I made a gratuitous critical comment about a dinner I attended—to the host! Who was my father-in-law! Sheesh. I felt remorseful and ungrateful.
Last night, I was mad at the Big Man. “You want to know one of my pet peeves?” I snapped at him as we left the dinner. (As if I think he really wants to know.) “Being hustled to leave, then being kept waiting.” I felt like a harridan.
And not only did I snipe at the Big Man last night about this pet peeve, this morning, as I was walking to the gym, I fell into a pit of “overthinking.” Studies show that overthinking—i.e., brooding on petty slights, replaying aggravating encounters, dwelling on sad emotions—contributes to unhappiness. I can attest to that. As I walked, I thought about how annoyed I was last night, and how he’d often done hustled me and then made me wait, and then I imagined berating him about it…until finally I had a flash of mindfulness and realized how ridiculous I was being. I’d whipped myself into a rage.
If I behave better, I’ll feel better. I repeat to myself some of the relevant Twelve Commandments:
–Let it go.
–Be polite and be fair.
–Do what ought to be done.
–Lighten up.
–There is only love.
The advantage of the Happiness Project is that at least I have the comfort of knowing that I did sing in the morning to my girls, I did kiss the Big Man good-bye, I did go to weight-training, I did remember a friend’s birthday, I did eat fruit salad instead of a dessert, I did tackle some things on my to-do list, I did take a moment to appreciate how happy I am to be back in our usual routine after vacation.
