Twelve Personal Commandments

Four Splendid Truths

30-Second
TV Commercial

What Started Me Thinking

  • "The best way to cheer yourself is to try to cheer somebody else up." Mark Twain
  • “There is no duty we so much underrate as the duty of being happy.” Robert Louis Stevenson
  • "Martha, Martha, thou art careful and troubled about many things: But one thing is needful: and Mary hath chosen that good part, which shall not be taken away from her." Luke 10:41-42
  • “Imaginary evil is romantic and varied; real evil is gloomy, monotonous, barren, boring. Imaginary good is boring; real good is always new, marvelous, intoxicating.” Simone Weil
  • “What a wonderful life I’ve had! I only wish I’d realized it sooner.” Colette
  • “It is easy to be heavy: hard to be light.” G. K. Chesterton
  • “A man’s first care should be to avoid the reproaches of his own heart.” Joseph Addison
  • “Best is good. Better is best.” Lisa Grunwald
  • “Order is Heaven’s first law.” Alexander Pope

Happiness Theories I Reject

  • Flaubert: "To be stupid, and selfish, and to have good health are the three requirements for happiness; though if stupidity is lacking, the others are useless."
  • Vauvenargues: “There are men who are happy without knowing it.”
  • Eric Hoffer: “The search for happiness is one of the chief sources of unhappiness.”
  • Sartre: "Hell is other people."
  • Willa Cather: “One cannot divine nor forecast the conditions that will make happiness; one only stumbles upon them…”
  • Alexander Smith: “We are never happy; we can only remember that we were so once.”
  • John Stuart Mill: “Ask yourself whether you are happy, and you cease to be so.”

The happiness of going to a Barry Manilow concert.

BarryLast night, I went to a surprise birthday party for one of my best friends. Her husband arranged for everyone to meet for dinner, then to go to Madison Square Garden to see Barry Manilow. (My friend loves Barry Manilow.)

I had a terrific time at the concert, and the night’s experience led me to do a lot of thinking about happiness.

First of all, it struck me that my friend shows considerable strength of character in being such an avowed Barry Manilow fan. After all, Barry Manilow is…Barry Manilow. It’s so much safer to criticize or to mock than to embrace; enthusiasm is a form of social courage.

And her enthusiasm made me very happy. Being at the concert, and seeing how much she loved the music, made it possible for me to tap into that feeling. One of my personal limitations (which I’ve come to accept, in keeping with my resolution to “Be Gretchen”) is that I don’t have much affinity for music. And I have no particular feeling for Barry Manilow. But this context allowed me to enjoy his music wholeheartedly.

It also occurred to me that the evening’s novelty was part of the fun. I’d never been to a concert at Madison Square Garden before. I didn’t know there’d be a light show, dancers, video screens, and even free souvenir light sticks. Studies show that people who take the time to do new things (who make even minor changes to their routines) have a greater sense of well-being than those who don’t. I certainly experienced that.

And when the evening began, I was very distracted and troubled. I couldn’t stop thinking about something that was bothering me. But eventually the music, the show, the novelty, and most of all, the company of other people, worked to boost my mood.

As I began to cheer up, my self-absorption lifted (a good example of why there’s a duty to be happy). The words in the songs led me to a meditation on happiness, and I began to ask myself:
Like Mandy, do I give without taking?
Is there tenderness any more in my fingertips?
Yes, I have the magic at last—am I living up to it?

And so Barry Manilow, with his greatest hits and his favorite songs from the 40’s, 50s, 60’s, and 70’s, worked on me as a call to greater love. I left vowing to live up to my Twelve Commandments, my Four Pillars of Happiness, and all my sub-resolutions. I comforted myself with the words of Samuel Johnson: “I have now spent fifty-five years in resolving; having, from the earliest time almost that I can remember, been forming schemes of a better life. I have done nothing. The need of doing, therefore, is pressing, since the time of doing is short. O GOD, grant me to resolve aright, and to keep my resolutions.”

I just wish I’d bought a souvenir “Music and Passion” t-shirt.

*
How exciting -- I just found out that the Times (London) blog, Alpha Mummy, included The Happiness Project in a list of "Ten blogs every working mum should read."

"Mum." Fabulous. That sounds so much more glamorous than "mom."


Posted January 18, 2007

Comments

What a great post. We all need a little more Barry in our lives.

Also, congratulations. I noticed that your blog just reached the 100 subscriber mark on Bloglines -- no small feat! :)

Posted by: Suburban CEO | January 18, 2007 at 05:55 PM

I have to tell you that your blog consistently adds to my happiness. Trying to get my bloglines subscriptions down to a manageable number, I spent the last week tracking which blogs I read and learned from. The Happiness Blog: four posts in the last week hit home. Only one other blog made a bigger impact on me.

Thanks!

Kent

Posted by: Kent Blumberg | January 18, 2007 at 06:46 PM

Wow, great post Gretchen and so beautifully written. Regardless of his particular style and sort of bad rap I've always thought Barry Manilow was deeply talented. I think we are attracted to extreme talent. I also think some of my most "natural highs" have come from music. For me the most memorable was a Tina Turner concert held in a small venue in Cottage Grove Oregon as she was making her big comeback many years ago. My endomorphins were at an all time high that night and I've conjured up that amazing eve. many times since.

Posted by: kstyle | January 19, 2007 at 12:07 AM

I particularly love this quote:
"Enthusiasm is a form of social courage."

Posted by: Beth | January 19, 2007 at 07:53 AM

Gretchen, great post as usual. You're right, sometimes it's hard to see past our own "Wah wah wah I don't really want to be here", and just APPRECIATE what's in front of us, even though it may not be exactly our cup of tea or what we'd most like to be doing. I struggle with this a fair amount, and am making progress, I'm pleased to say.
~Monica

Posted by: Monica Ricci | January 19, 2007 at 08:40 AM

"And so Barry Manilow, with his greatest hits and his favorite songs from the 40’s, 50s, 60’s, and 70’s, worked on me as a call to greater love."

IMO, answering that call is certainly risky--it leads to rejection, to sacrifices and compromises and a requirement put others above yourself. But, while sometimes, the results can be heartbreak and sorrow, ultimately it does lead to happiness and growth, both for yourself and for the other person.

Posted by: Inihtar | January 19, 2007 at 12:44 PM

Thanks so much to everyone for the kind words and the thoughtful posts. It makes me so happy to see everyone's responses, so fascinating and also encouraging.

Posted by: Gretchen Rubin | January 19, 2007 at 01:17 PM

mozteqa yurtkh gelnom hfsj akxndvrzp chnpfvzlx rxmclt

Posted by: pyoswv hertgin | September 10, 2007 at 05:52 AM

omnitg gaxwsuc vypnemr uigakylw xbjl qkslg gtfh http://www.muqe.wgczmnai.com

Posted by: ewkyg ysilrd | September 10, 2007 at 05:53 AM

omnitg gaxwsuc vypnemr uigakylw xbjl qkslg gtfh http://www.muqe.wgczmnai.com

Posted by: ewkyg ysilrd | September 10, 2007 at 05:54 AM

Very good site. Thank you.
http://antiaging.hostsy.us antiaging

Posted by: antiaging | September 14, 2007 at 05:14 PM

Very good site. Thank you!
http://complementary-medicine.hostsy.us complementary medicine

Posted by: complementary medicine | September 14, 2007 at 06:43 PM

Nice site. Thanks!!!
http://lifting.hostsy.us lifting

Posted by: lifting | September 15, 2007 at 08:38 AM

Cool site. Thank you:-)
http://ticket.hostsy.us ticket

Posted by: ticket | September 15, 2007 at 11:16 AM

Cool site. Thank you!
http://receiver.estzy.biz receiver

Posted by: receiver | September 15, 2007 at 09:58 PM

Hi boys!84d8ebc3189d84460d5f321d96a55704

Posted by: Thanks boys | February 01, 2008 at 12:37 AM

Verify your Comment

Previewing your Comment

Posted by:  | 

This is only a preview. Your comment has not yet been posted.

Working...
Your comment could not be posted. Error type:
Your comment has been posted. Post another comment

The letters and numbers you entered did not match the image. Please try again.

As a final step before posting your comment, enter the letters and numbers you see in the image below. This prevents automated programs from posting comments.

Having trouble reading this image? View an alternate.

Working...

Post a comment

« Previous Post   Next Post »

Gretchen RubinGretchen Rubin is the best-selling writer whose book, The Happiness Project, is the account of the year she spent test-driving studies and theories about how to be happier. Here, she shares her insights to help you create your own happiness project.

Now in Paperback


Buy the book
Sample Chapters Book Video
Free Audio Book Sample

Follow me

RSSHappiness Project Twitter updatesFacebook updates
Daily Email updatesMonthly Newsletter Email

Key Posts About Happiness

One Minute Movies

Wednesday Tips

more tips »

Popular quizzes