Thoughts on someone else's happiness project--a bike-based project.

A friend who works for Mayor Bloomberg told me they have a “countdown clock” in the office. It counts down the days, hours, minutes, and seconds until Bloomberg’s term is over. The clock is meant to remind folks to “Make every day count” as they rush to push forward the Mayor’s policies.

I love this motto, “Make every day count.” After all, we all have our own countdown clock; we just don’t know how many days are left.

The Big Man and I listen to the radio after we turn out the lights at night (I know, many people think that’s a bad idea, but that’s what we do). The announcers frequently repeat the date, “It’s 11:40 p.m. on Monday, January 22.” And I’m always reminded, not necessarily in a bad way, of the days marching on.

Did I make the day count? Did I do something I wanted to do, act the way I wanted to act?

A reader sent me a link to a fascinating article written by the editor-in-chief of Bicycling magazine, The Year I Did Everything Right by Steve Madden.

Madden decided to do his own sort of “happiness project”—he spent a year doing everything right with his bicycling (which goes to show that each person's happiness project will look different). He kept his bike in top repair, he got it fitted for his specifications, he trained hard and regularly, he ate right and lost weight, and all the rest.

Two points particularly caught my interest.

First, Madden decided to make big changes, even though his life sounds like it was perfectly fine, as it was. I’ve noticed that many people’s “happiness projects” involve huge upheavals, like moving to Tibet or Walden Pond, or giving up shopping, or taking a sabbatical from their family, or the like. But I firmly believe that you can do a “happiness project” within your ordinary life—and that it’s really worth the effort to do so.

Second, Madden notes how hard it was for him to maintain his “do everything right” ambition. I, too, have been struck by how much work it is to be happy—it takes a huge amount of time, focus, and energy to do all the things I know I ought to do. These efforts make me happy, sure, but nevertheless they also take a lot of discipline.

He concludes with the observation that it’s easier to stick to small changes than to big changes, and that even if he’s not able to do everything right, all the time, he’s a lot better off than he was a year ago.

My thoughts exactly. Even though I never manage to stick to all my happiness-project resolutions, I'm doing a better job of making every day count, now that I'm making a more mindful effort.

Comments

[Alex Fayle]

And being someone who hates details, paying attention to them does not make me happy. So as long as I'm happy with the big things in my life (the grand changes), then the little things take care of themselves for me.

I think it's great as you said that everyone's project is different.

[EvenHappier]

....Second, Madden notes how hard it was for him to maintain his “do everything right” ambition. I, too, have been struck by how much work it is to be happy—it takes a huge amount of time, focus, and energy to do all the things I know I ought to do...

Change is not always easy. In Transactional Analysis Counselling we have a saying “Get the Child on your side”. Let me explain that with an example. Let’s say I want to stop smoking. If I think “I ought to do that and perfectly stop as of tomorrow”, I am on the side of the Parent, giving orders, asking for a perfection which cannot be met. So how do I “Get the Child on my side”? Playfully, lightly, maybe deciding that “when I feel like smoking a cigarette, I’ll have a sexual fantasy instead!” or “with the money I save from cigarettes, I’ll buy myself a little present everyday!”. Be kind with yourself Gretchen, you are a great source of inspiration to us, regardless of how happy you actually feel today.

Marco :)
www.EvenHappier.com

[Kelsey]

You hit on the word that I'm focusing on this year: Discipline.

I have type 1 diabetes and I'm planning for a pregnancy this year, which demands a lot of attention to food, exercise, insulin dosing, etc. Also, I work full time and am finishing up my MA in History this semester... I've got a full plate. I realized the only way to keep healthy and productive is to stay disciplined.

I like Julie Andrews' view of discipline:
"Some people regard discipline as a chore. For me, it is a kind of order that sets me free to fly."

Thanks for your blog Gretchen, I love it!

[teejay]

Is happiness really so much work? It makes sense supposing someone's the type of person that enjoys discipline, training, and hard work. But otherwise, why? Is there any reason I can't be happy and lazy? Seems like Steve's Year of Getting Everything Right was motivated by competition from Fat Mike and the desire to avoid the hypocrisy of someone who gives out more advice than he can follow. Oh yeah, and buying the sort of bike one can have a sexual attraction to. And hey, why not? We can all agree, fat bad, hypocrisy bad, sexy bike good. But even if I'd like to be happier, I am loathe to join a happiness competition. In fact, I'm not sure setting happiness goals is such a great idea either. What if I fail? Will that make me sad? With so much hardcore being happy going on around, I'm not sure a slacker like me can keep up.

[Sharyn]

RE: comment above
Of course you can be lazy and happy. Competition and goals don't have to have anything to do with it. Happiness is what makes YOU happy. If that's swinging in a hammock and reading a book, do more of that. Anything that makes you happy that isn't self-destructive of puts your relationships, finances, etc. "out of balance" is great. Sometimes the difficulty can be finding what makes you truly happy, and maybe feeling you deserve to be happy.
At the end of this "Happiness Project" all Gretchen can know is what works for her. It all makes for a great blog, though, and a great dialog.

[Dr. barbara Becker Holstein]

Dear Gretchen and readers, What a fascninating project! I am a Positive Psychologist who has spent the last 15 years working on the concepts of happiness and how to help people, particulary women actualize 'positive states of being' unique to them, i.e. Happiness! I started with my first book, THE ENCHANTED SELF, A Positive Therapy and outlined several factors that I see as universal, yet ultimately unique to each woman. Some of these factors are: Self-esteem. If we don't value ourselves we won't build in the time or energy for happiness, as it takes work and practice, just like anything else. Learning to meet our needs. If we don't know how to negotiate in life and make clear what we need and work to get it, we can't maintain a state of happiness. We will be overrun by other factors such as other's demands. And thirdly: Learning how to use our Memories to recognize what is right about ourselves rather than what is wrong and what we uniquely respond to in positive ways. And here is where I completely agree with Sharyn. What ulitmately creates a state of happiness. or what I refer to as An Enchanted Self capacity, is so dependent on one's history, her likes, her talents, her preferences, even one's lost potential. It is all there inside of ourselves and if we can learn how to map our inner positive history then we can regenerate ourselves throughout life and be happy! I've gone on to write other books about the subject and I've come up with the Seven Gateways to Happiness. I would love to send a free copy of that paper, via e-mail to anyone interested. And I have a blog on typepad. Come and talk to me at The Enchanted Self blog. I'll keep following this blog also. Great Idea. All my best, Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein, www.enchantedself.com

[Alex Fayle]

I like the thought of the inner positive history. I spoke about that recently, how I had been focusing on being bitter about a certain time in my life instead of on the good things from that era.

Once I realized that I literally felt taller - my posture improved significantly, which went a long way to making me feel generally happier too.