Tips for applying my top-secret happiness formula.

Every Wednesday is Tip Day.
This Wednesday: tips for applying my top-secret happiness formula.

Okay, it’s not really top secret. But I’m convinced that, if followed, this formula will indeed make you happier. Even thought it sounds simplistic, it took me a long time and a lot of research to realize that this was the way to think about happiness.

Here it is: To think about your happiness, you must think about FEELING GOOD, FEELING BAD, and FEELING RIGHT (or, in fancier language, positive affect, negative affect, and life satisfaction.)

Although you might think that feeling good and feeling bad would operate in a see-saw, in fact, research shows that they are distinct—and so is feeling right.

Studies show that absence of feeling bad doesn’t mean that you feel good, and also, you can feel very good and very bad at the same time. And just because you feel good doesn’t mean you feel right; sometimes, in fact, you might choose to feel bad in order to feel right.

So to boost your happiness, you have to think about all three elements and figure out how to increase your good feelings, decrease your bad feelings, and make sure you’re feeling right:

1. Feeling good
Think of something fun to do this weekend.

Make a plan with a friend.

Make a small purchase that will boost your happiness.
My self-inking home-address stamp had gotten so faint that it was barely legible; I was made ridiculously happy by my purchase of a bottle of ink to replenish it.

2. Feeling bad
Do you start your day on a bad note—nagging your kids, cursing on the subway? Make a change.

Does some task nag at you? Take care of it.
I finally made an appointment to get my teeth cleaned; I’m six months overdue.

Do you feel guilty about something you did or didn’t do? Make amends in some way.

3. Feeling right
Is there a skill that you feel that you should have, but you don’t? Figure out a way to learn it.
A friend of mine learned to type as an adult.

Is there a subject that you feel that you ought to know more about?
I feel that I need to understand more about the Iraq War than I do.

Ask yourself: “Is there some major element in my life that just feels wrong to me?”
Try not to panic if the answer is “yes,” and don’t worry now about doing anything about it this minute. Just consider whether you’re not feeling right because of your job, your city, your relationship, your body, etc. Understanding that something isn’t right is the first step to being able to make it right.

*
A friend was raving about a book that's about to come out--Sharon Moalem's Survival of the Sickest. Apparently it explains why, in many circumstances, disease can have beneficial effects. Plus, my friend says, it's full of the kind of interesting information that's fun to trot out at a dinner party. This is just the kind of thing I love, so I went to check out the blog. Lots of fascinating info there.

Comments

[m.j.]

Keep a green tree in your heart and perhaps a singing bird will come. --Chinese Proverb

Good News of the Day:
A positive-psychology class called the Science of Well-Being -— essentially a class in how to make yourself happier -— at George Mason University in Virginia is a challenge for positive psychologists. It is one of the 15 unhappiest campuses in America, at least per The Princeton Review. The class is taught by Todd Kashdan, a 32-year-old psychology professor whose area of research is "curiosity and well-being." Kashdan takes his students, a few of them older than he, through the various building blocks of positive psychology: optimism, gratitude, mindfulness, hope, spirituality. [ more ]

Be The Change:
Keep a green tree in your heart: come to your next challenging situation with an appreciation of the positive.

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I thought this fit with your project.

[casapinka]

How salient a post this is. Every bit of it struck a chord with me although I would never have been able to articulate it. I doubt I was even conscious of this!

[Alex Fayle]

Yes, sometimes I don't feel bad, but I'm definitely not feeling good.

I've never really thought about it, but you're right. And sometimes I've chosen to feel bad instead of feeling nothing because I was too blase to make the effort to feel good (or right).

[Sophia]

Hi Gretchen, I have been reading your blog for some time now, and I have found some real pearls that are helping me slowly make some changes in my life, starting from my attitude, leading to my actions....
So thankyou for doing all this work!

You may enjoy this (very) tongue-in-cheek article on happiness from "The Onion" http://www.theonion.com/content/node/29678

cheers, Sophia

[Gretchen Rubin]

Thanks so much for these comments -- I'm so glad my formula is ringing true for people. I love the Chinese proverb, and that Onion link is hilarious. I'm going to mention in my post today, too good to miss.

[malu]

Hi there,

I am 54 years old with 4 adult children who are mostly away from our home. From 9 in the morning till 8 in the evening, my only companion is a laptop, the TV set and myself. This has been going for several years. I have learned to live with it. Thanks to my newly discovered interest in cooking.

My days are actually spent reading blogs like yours which somehow provide me with some form of human connection.

I learned that to be happy, we must remove all feelings of regret from our consciousness.

Cheers

[daja]

Its all crap!

[Mal]

'Feeling right' is obviously the important part of this formula. But Aristotle beat you to that idea.

[Joel A]

I have written a book on happiness (The Road and the Key to Happiness) and I have tested and clinically tried hosts of theories. Here is the conclusion: Happiness is intention-bound and legally regulated, value driven and self-centered as well as spiritually influenced. All these must be acted within the context of wisdom and knowledge. I hope this helps. If you need more information,please contact me via www.supreme-word.com

[jose francisco oliva]

I want to know mor of your ideas

[The Derma Divas]

This is a great blog! I'm happy I came across it. I have my own blog as well although it has to do with skin care. However, I'm reading a book right now (on the topic of happiness) and it has everything to do with beauty. When you're happy it reflects from the inside out! Check out the post:
http://myfacialfacts.com/spf/are-you-happy/
I will be visiting often...
To your skin's health and your happiness!
Derma Diva Marcy.

[Timothy]

Wherever you are reading this, I've found that religion has been the greatest source of happiness in my life. It provides a foundation of values and faith that, in my experience, can't be found in any other place. I'm not the person with the most experience in life- I'm a sophomore in high school. Yet, I cannot deny the joy I've felt in living my religion. Advice and wisdom help you and me- I'm not trying to discourage anyone from reading self-help books or reading blogs- however, I invite you to search for true religion. Here's a site that describes what what we believe: www.mormon.org Best of hopes to you in your search for happiness.

[Erica Moore-Burton]

On Happiness..I love this guy

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5jLRdF9gGW8

[Nyomi]

This is an inspiring and thought-provoking post.

I found this bit particularly interesting: "...you can feel very good and very bad at the same time". One way could be to do something that makes us feel good at the time but knowing in our hearts it's actually quite wrong.