The Happiness Project: Five tips for performing easy good deeds.

The Happiness Project

THE HAPPINESS PROJECT is the memoir of the year I spent test-driving the wisdom of the ages, current scientific studies, and lessons from popular culture about how to be happier – happily, it was a #1 New York Times bestseller. As one of the hundreds of experiments I've conducted, I started this blog. Here, I recount my daily adventures in pursuit of happiness. –

Gretchen Rubin

What Started Me Thinking

"The best way to cheer yourself is to try to cheer somebody else up." Mark Twain
“There is no duty we so much underrate as the duty of being happy.” Robert Louis Stevenson
"Martha, Martha, thou art careful and troubled about many things: But one thing is needful: and Mary hath chosen that good part, which shall not be taken away from her." Luke 10:41-42
“Imaginary evil is romantic and varied; real evil is gloomy, monotonous, barren, boring. Imaginary good is boring; real good is always new, marvelous, intoxicating.” Simone Weil
“What a wonderful life I’ve had! I only wish I’d realized it sooner.” Colette
“It is easy to be heavy: hard to be light.” G. K. Chesterton
“A man’s first care should be to avoid the reproaches of his own heart.” Joseph Addison
“Best is good. Better is best.” Lisa Grunwald
“Order is Heaven’s first law.” Alexander Pope

Happiness Theories I Reject

Flaubert: "To be stupid, and selfish, and to have good health are the three requirements for happiness; though if stupidity is lacking, the others are useless."
Vauvenargues: “There are men who are happy without knowing it.”
Eric Hoffer: “The search for happiness is one of the chief sources of unhappiness.”
Sartre: "Hell is other people."
Willa Cather: “One cannot divine nor forecast the conditions that will make happiness; one only stumbles upon them…”
Alexander Smith: “We are never happy; we can only remember that we were so once.”
John Stuart Mill: “Ask yourself whether you are happy, and you cease to be so.”

Every Wednesday is Tip Day.
This Wednesday: Five tips for performing easy good deeds.

Today is Valentine’s Day, a day when many people exchange little gifts.

Often, the nicest gift isn’t something that can be purchased. We don’t always have time to perform a heroic act of thoughtfulness, but even quick good deeds can make a difference. Appling the tips below, I’ve been astonished by the huge benefits that have sometimes flowed from pretty minimal efforts on my part.

Key concepts to bear in mind as you do an easy good deed: imagination and follow-through:

1. Birthdays. This is so easy. Gather the dates of important birthdays, enter them into one of the internet reminder sites (I use Happybirthday.com), and send happy-birthday emails throughout the year. Super-bonus: two friends sent me emails yesterday for the Little Girl’s birthday—I was so touched.

2. Thinking of you. I’m working hard to send an email every time I think, “I wonder if So-and-So saw this article about broccoli” or “This reminds me of the time in college when So-and-So and I went shopping during a hurricane,” etc. It’s so nice to know that people are thinking of you.

3. Help people think big. Nothing is more encouraging than a friend throwing out some huge goal and saying, “You should do that!” “You should write a book, you should start your own firm, you should run for office, you should join the Council on Foreign Relations.” You never know, sometimes one encouraging comment can have extraordinary effect on someone’s life.

4. Recommendations. If you know of a terrific ____, tell your friends. Mention that you have a great source for some service or product, and remember to follow up with the referral information if asked. This seems too easy to qualify as a good deed, but a recommendation can be a huge help.

5. Introductions. For doing business, for blind dates, for people moving to a new city—making introductions can make someone’s life a lot easier. Connecting people is an extremely helpful good deed, so it’s worth a bit of thinking and prodding to make it happen.

Doing these quick good deeds doesn’t just benefit others. Over and over, I marvel that the one who benefits most—in boosted spirits—is me. Do good, feel good. It really works.

*
If you're interested in the science of happiness, and larger issues of neurosicence and psychology, check out Mind Hacks. It highlights some of the most interesting research out there, with helpful summaries and links.

Comments

Hey Gretchen, great post! I've put it up my happy action of the day page as recommended reading!

And happy birthday for your Little Girl (wish you'd posts these tips before her birthday as I wouldn't be late then ;))

regards,
Thijs
Partners @ www.partners-inc.nl

Posted by: Thijs | February 15, 2007 at 04:24 AM

:)
I am recommending www.cardiocoach.com for you. I have written about it before, but I am doing it again as per your post.

Happy heart day!
Nice post. I did not grow up with Valentine's day tradition in my country, but I have embraced it in my own way now. Like you wrote, just thinking about a friend and letting them know is BIG!

Posted by: thodarumm | February 17, 2007 at 11:17 AM

Hi Gretchen! Just wanted to say hello and let you know that I am still following your blog. Thanks so much for linking to my post back on August 30th.. Also...congrats on being featured on Lifehacker! :) :)
Best Wishes,
stacy

Posted by: stacy | February 18, 2007 at 03:39 PM

Yes, especially #2. At least it would work for me ;)

Posted by: Markus | February 18, 2007 at 03:57 PM

Hi Gretchen,

Just wanted to drop a note to say great post! I particularly like Tip #3 (Help people think big).

Like you, I believe in the importance of making others happy. The way I do that is by being encouraging.

That is, be part of their lives, listen to their goals and desires, show genuine interest, say thank you etc.

I wrote a brief article about this on my blog. Just thought your readers would appreciate the additional tips -

http://www.davecheong.com/2006/07/12/8-simple-things-you-can-do-to-encourage-others/

Great work and keep it up.

dave

Posted by: Dave Cheong | February 18, 2007 at 04:27 PM

Thanks for this lovely article. Now I'll get into Heaven for sure!

Posted by: Donny | February 18, 2007 at 04:31 PM

I take happiness very seriously, mine and that of the people around me. Your five tips are excellent. To them I would add "slow down and listen." Look at every person you come into contact as an individual and see that he or she most likely would really just like someone to look her gently in the eye and give reassurance that he or she matters. It doesn't take much, just a smile, a hello, just let them know they matter. Thanks for the post.

Posted by: KatieK | February 18, 2007 at 05:33 PM

fuck you...

Posted by: Idiot | February 18, 2007 at 05:41 PM

U posts did surely make me happy :))

Posted by: satish | February 19, 2007 at 06:54 AM

Posted by: satish | February 19, 2007 at 06:55 AM

The best tip I like is the "Help people think big". Good luck with your book :-)
-healthylivingmadeeasy

Posted by: healthylivingmadeeasy | February 19, 2007 at 10:19 AM

I especially like the part about helping people think big and offering recommendations. I've received both in the best and boy did they make me happy. :)

Posted by: Dosh Dosh | February 19, 2007 at 01:35 PM

Thanks,Gretchen, great tips. "You should write a book". ^_< Zechary's Five Ways to Buff up Your Love Ones(http://zecharyw.com/blog/18) is very similar with this article. It's also worth reading.

Posted by: Wayne | February 19, 2007 at 09:21 PM

Gretchen I love you! You are so beautifull!

Posted by: Me | February 20, 2007 at 04:36 AM

Gretchen-

Great post. I agree with your points and will strive to put them into action in my life. Nice blog, will be added to my RSS reader.

Regards,
Mark

Posted by: Mark | February 20, 2007 at 11:09 AM

It's nice to find places on the internet that make a positive impact on the planet. I liked your comment about the one who benefits the most. I recently donated some firewood to friends; I think I got as much out of it as they did.

I wish you well,
Marty

Posted by: Marty | March 09, 2007 at 12:57 PM

Hello Happy Ones

I am delighted to have your site as a link on mine - I too have been conducting a survey of What Makes Us Happy?

There have been some terrific responses to my query on our site. http://www.celticgardens.com.au/index.htm

Keep up the great inspiration and fantasic tips.

They're working!

Warmest Wishes

To Life!
and Unlimited Joy!

Cedar

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Posted by: DDT-RUS-4 | November 02, 2007 at 11:54 PM

I am coming very late to this party but happened across this web page in the course of preparing a sermon and really enjoyed the post. I wasn't particularly excited about #1. E-cards have become an easy way to dispense with a duty rather than do something special but birthday wishes done thoughtfully do generate a lot of happiness.

I like the rest because they are not over worked, can express a lot of thought and are very proactive. I'm not a good listener but I am very interested in affirming others. Your list includes some very good alternative ways to do that. Thanks

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