Routines, rituals, and traditions -- important to happiness.

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about routines, rituals, and traditions.

Studies show that routines, rituals, and traditions are good for people’s physical and mental well-being. They help make life seem predictable, under control, and meaningful, and they provide family cohesiveness and predictability, which people—especially children—crave. In families with strong rituals, couples reported having happier marriages, and kids had more contact with grandparents. Children in families with predictable routines did better in school and were healthier.

I see the importance of dependable routine. At bedtime, the Big Girl knows that her father will read to her for thirty minutes, and then I’ll lie down with her for ten minutes after her light is out. Because she knows what to expect, she can look forward to it. And this routine means that the Big Man and I each have a special time with her each night.

We need more family traditions. Cinnamon toast for Sunday brunch? Breakfast in bed for Father’s Day? We need a good Fourth of July tradition – that’s a terrific holiday, and we don't do anything special. July 4 is my mother's birthday, so we always had a great celebration when I was growing up, but for the last several years, for one reason or another, she hasn't been with us on her birthday. I want to come up with a plan -- one involving lots of sparklers.

I still cringe when I remember that two years ago, I forgot to buy a Halloween pumpkin. We had decorations, costumes, and trick-or-treating—but no pumpkin! That’s Mommy Malpractice. Never again.

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My friend Marci Alboher has a great new book that has just hit the bookstores -- One Person/Multiple Careers. It's about how people manage multiple careers -- lots of fascinating examples, plus great advice about how to manage a dual existence. She talks about "the slash model" -- I'm a lawyer/writer, for example -- which of course is becoming more and more common these days. She also has a blog Hey Marci where she talks about these issues plus much more.

Comments

[Tim Taylor]

I understand where you are coming from on traditions. At the same time traditions are what keeps us in a derivative of our past instead of in the originality of the present moment.

Perhaps there is something to the idea that since we are growing and changing that we experience these traditions differently.

The tricky part of traditions is trying to keep them inclusive.

[Michelle Potter]

I love traditions and routine. I thrive on doing things the same way all the time (with fun exceptions).

BTW, my mom's birthday is July 4, too!

[Scott Davis]

Great article.

I especially love simple and elegant little "public" rituals such as when they raise the flags each morning at government buildings.

There is something very comforting in knowing that the same ritual has been followed for decades, if not centuries, and will continue to be followed for centuries after we are gone.

[Nika]

In my family we have few traditions connected with christmas and easter. F.ex. I always do a cheese cake, whereas my sister a poppy cake; during family meetings we always sit at the table at the same places.
I also have my Saturday rituals. As I don't work on that day, I always start it with a cup of coffee with my best radio programme on, then I buy weekly newspaper and lay on the couch reading. It feels strange when sometimes sth comes up I have no time to "practice" my routine.
But whatever it is for any of You, it's good to have Your own rituals. They make you stop and indulge in peace in that hasty world of ours.

[marci alboher]

Gretchen, thanks so much for the book mention. I've been off my "happiness" for a day, and look what I missed! Now about avoiding all those foods -- I have to agree with you that you what works for some won't work for all. I'm not sure I'd be too happy giving up so many foods. But it's great that you have learned what kinds of eating makes you happy.

[Casdok]

Yes i agree, routines are very important!