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If you'd like a copy of my resolutions chart

  • Just drop me an email. The first part is grubin (then that familiar symbol). The second part is gretchenrubin (then a period, then a com). Sorry to be convoluted--because of spam.

Every Wednesday is Tip Day.

Secrets of Adulthood.

  • The best reading is re-reading.
  • Outer order contributes to inner calm.
  • The opposite of a great truth is also true.
  • You manage what you measure.
  • By doing a little bit each day, you can get a lot accomplished.
  • People don’t notice your mistakes and flaws as much as you think.
  • It's nice to have plenty of money.
  • Most decisions don't require extensive research.
  • Try not to let yourself get too hungry.
  • Even if you think they're fake, it's nice to celebrate Mother's Day and Father's Day.
  • If you can't find something, clean up.
  • The days are long, but the years are short.
  • Someplace, keep an empty shelf.
  • Turning the computer on and off a few times often fixes a glitch.
  • It's okay to ask for help.
  • You can choose what you do; you can't choose what you LIKE to do.
  • Happiness doesn't always make you feel happy.
  • What you do EVERY DAY matters more than what you do ONCE IN A WHILE.
  • You don't have to be good at everything.
  • Soap and water removes most stains.
  • It's important to be nice to EVERYONE.
  • You know as much as most people.
  • Over-the-counter medicines are very effective.
  • Eat better, eat less, exercise more.
  • What's fun for other people may not be fun for you--and vice versa.
  • People actually prefer that you buy wedding gifts off their registry.
  • Houseplants and photo albums are a lot of trouble.
  • If you're not failing, you're not trying hard enough.
  • No deposit, no return.

Happiness theories I reject.

  • Flaubert: "To be stupid, and selfish, and to have good health are the three requirements for happiness; though if stupidity is lacking, the others are useless."
  • Vauvenargues: “There are men who are happy without knowing it.”
  • Eric Hoffer: “The search for happiness is one of the chief sources of unhappiness.”
  • Sartre: "Hell is other people."
  • Willa Cather: “One cannot divine nor forecast the conditions that will make happiness; one only stumbles upon them…”
  • Alexander Smith: “We are never happy; we can only remember that we were so once.”
  • John Stuart Mill: “Ask yourself whether you are happy, and you cease to be so.”
  • G.K. Chesterton: “Happiness is a mystery, like religion, and should never be rationalised.”
  • Solon: “Let no man be called happy before his death. Till then, he is not happy, only lucky.”

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« The happiness of always having a good book to read. | Main | A new study explains why I can use self-control to meet one challenge, but I crumble when faced with a second challenge. »

This Saturday: a quotation from Schopenhauer, and a parable.

Schopenhauer“Whatever fate befalls you, do not give way to great rejoicings or great lamentation; partly because all things are full of change, and your fortune may turn at any moment; partly because men are so apt to be deceived in their judgment as to what is good or bad for them.” --Schopenhauer.

*
FarmThe same point is made in an Eastern parable that my mother often quotes.

One day, an old farmer discovered that his horse had run away. "Terrible!" his neighbors said sympathetically. "How do you know?" asked the farmer.

The next morning the farmer's horse returned with two wild horses. "Wonderful!" the neighbors said. "How do you know?" asked the farmer.

The next morning the farmer's son tried to ride one of the untamed horses, was thrown off, and broke his leg. "Terrible!" his neighbors said. "How do you know?" asked the farmer.

The next morning, soldiers came to the village to draft young men into the army. Seeing that the son's leg was broken, they passed him by. "Wonderful!" said the neighbors. "How do you know?" asked the farmer.

Comments

That is a Chinese proverb called "塞翁失馬,焉知非福?" Literally translated to "Mr.Tsai lost his horse. Who knew it wasn't a blessing?" The story came from the 2nd century BC philosophical classic "Huainanzi", one of the earliest Chinese textbook.

The moral of the story is that life is unexpectable. Blessing and misfortune are intertwine. We should not be frustrated at time of misfortune because luck will turn around, and we should not place too much importance on unexpected blessings because extreme pleasure is often followed by sorrow.

I think it is very similar to the english idioms "a blessing in disguise".

I thought many readers of this blog would enjoy this: http://www.ted.com/tedtalks/tedtalksplayer.cfm?key=c_honore

M

The Chinese parable also appears in a wonderful recent children's book, "Zen Shorts."

There are surface meanings and deeper meanings to events...our level of emotional maturity and spiritual awareness inform how we see, or fail to see, the deeper meanings of life's events.

When we are not conscious, we react instinctively, habitually, robotically; when we are conscious, we are aware, discerning, responding to life's events from a place of higher intelligence, and self-reflection, allowing our intuition, inner guidance, truthfulness, and wisdom to guide us.

Very true about blessings in disguise. We all (read that as *ME*)need to remember that things outside of our control are not necessarily *lost*.

I can completely identify with your post and believe I am on a personal journey to understand this better.

The Schopenhauer quote is very much like the teachings of the old Stoics. I highly recommend Seneca's "Letters to a Young Stoic" and "Meditations" by Marcus Aurelius (Yeah, the Emperor guy from "Gladiator")

The chinese parable is told in a collection of spiritual fables put together by a Catholic priest who works in India, named Anthony de Mello. The book is called "The Song of the Bird", my copy is printed in 1988, published by GUJARAT SAHITYA PRAKASH ANAND, Gujarat, 388 001, India.
I love this book, I think you would love it too. The little fables capture many of the concepts of happiness that you are exploring.

Thanks for sharing all your work and links!

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My earth-shattering happiness formula.

  • To be happier, you need to think about FEELING GOOD, FEELING BAD, and FEELING RIGHT, in an atmosphere of growth. Clunky, but it works.

My second ground-breaking insight into happiness.

  • One of the best ways to make yourself happy is to make other people happy. One of the best ways to make other people happy is to be happy yourself.

9Rules

  • 9rules

LifeRemix

  • LifeRemix

What started me thinking.

  • "Whoever is happy will make others happy, too." Mark Twain.
  • “There is no duty we so much underrate as the duty of being happy.” Robert Louis Stevenson
  • "Martha, Martha, thou art careful and troubled about many things: But one thing is needful: and Mary hath chosen that good part, which shall not be taken away from her." Luke 10:41-42
  • “Imaginary evil is romantic and varied; real evil is gloomy, monotonous, barren, boring. Imaginary good is boring; real good is always new, marvelous, intoxicating.” Simone Weil
  • “What a wonderful life I’ve had! I only wish I’d realized it sooner.” Colette
  • “It is easy to be heavy: hard to be light.” G. K. Chesterton
  • “A man’s first care should be to avoid the reproaches of his own heart.” Joseph Addison
  • “For the love of God and my Sisters (so charitable toward me) I take care to appear happy and especially to be so.” St. Therese
  • “Best is good. Better is best.” Lisa Grunwald
  • “All severity that does not tend to increase good, or prevent evil, is idle.” Samuel Johnson
  • “I must do the work that I am best suited for…” Edward Weston daybook
  • “Order is Heaven’s first law.” Alexander Pope
  • “How slight and insignificant is the thing which casts down or restores a mind greedy for praise.” Horace

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