To help myself be a better parent, I imagine an audience.

Last year, by accident, through a conversation with the Big Girl, I discovered a useful tool in parenting: imagine an audience.

“What did you do at school today?” I asked the Big Girl.

“Well, we all talked about how our parents wake us up in the morning.”

“What did you say?” I prodded, with curiosity and trepidation.

“With a good-morning song.”

Why she said this, I don’t know, because I’d only done that a few times. After hearing her comment, though, I began singing a good-morning song every day, and “sing in the morning” became my lead happiness-project resolution for the month.

What a nice habit, to wake up your child with a good-morning song!

By the same token, I was dismayed to see that in one of the Big Girl’s essays, she talked about watching TV while she eats breakfast. The fact that I’m embarrassed by this practice means that I should put a stop to it. (Which, by the way, I have not done.) A friend of mine disconnected their cable TV after she found herself lying to her pediatrician about how much TV her children watched.

Just as adults counsel themselves not to do anything that they wouldn’t want reported on the front page of the New York Times, I shouldn’t do anything I wouldn’t want to be featured in an essay displayed on the wall for Parent Night.

Comments

[Michelle I]

I like this one! It's a good way to keep things in check with the little ones. Sometimes I can feel the spirit of my husband's grandmother in the room (may sound kooky but true) and that reminds me to practice a bit more love & patience. She was apparently a tough broad and I don't want to piss her off!!!

[Helen]

By the same token, we have to remember the rich imagination that our children have. I'll never forget the fun I had reading the Thanksgiving wall display on parents' night where the kindergartener's had each described the typical Thanksgiving meal that their family had... my daughter included details like the way her father hunted the turkey, her mother microwaved it for a few minutes and her brother slathered butter over it all. Not quite sure whose family she thought she was living in! Compared to the tales of her friends' her story was pretty tame though.

[Susan]

What a great idea! Thank you! I remember a few times when, thinking we were alone, I snapped at my child and then realized after it was too late that a neighbor was close by. This is an idea I will start using from now on! :-)

[Sharyn]

This post immediately brought to mind what my son's (he's now in college) first grade teacher said at the first "open house" night. She said to the parents, "If you promise not to believe everything your child says goes on at school, I promise I won't believe everything your child says goes on at home!"

[Marianne]

Love this. My son is 21 now, but when he was a toddler I accidentally slammed his sweet little fingers in the car door. Emergency room visit, an x-ray, doctor, nothing broken. I went to his 2nd grade open house. All the kids had to write and draw the defining moments in their lives, and this was it! "I was born and then Mom broke my fingers in the car door".

[liz]

One of my favorite stories is when I was volunteering at my son's kindergarten. They were going around the room telling what their parent's nicknames for them were. Lots of cutiepies, honeybunnies, etc. Then they get to my son and he says, "My mommy calls me pinhead." I was both mortified and strangely, proud of my son's sense of humor. Because, obviously! I only called him that once AS A JOKE. Really.

[Honey's mom]

I love your blog- thank you so much for the wisdom you share. Many of your ideas have been something I have really thought on and tried to make part of my family, our lives. The idea, to parent as if in front of an audience/anything we do or say might be featured on a classroom display is great- easy to remember :) I like easy!
You talk of singing as a way to wake up your kiddos. I wake my 15 year old daughter up (dealing with antidepressant withdrawal- trying to keep stimulation to a minimum- no alarm clock) with a song every morning. I use the birthday song, but instead of "Happy Birthday to you" it is "Happy new day to you". I have brought tears to her eyes many a mornings with this.
Thanks again for sharing your work!
Honey's mom

[Alex Fayle]

Moderation is good, however, because it would be very easy to turn this attitude into worrying that everyone is judging you as a parent. I've been with some horrified mothers in grocery stores thinking that everyone is judging them because their toddler is having a tantrum in the middle of the cereal aisle.

But in reality everyone is thinking: that poor woman.