What is "happiness," anyway?

My head is still buzzing from the comments responding to Wednesday's post, Tips for how NOT to be happy. So many provocative and insightful comments to consider.

I'm very sorry that in trying to be funny and counter-intuitive, and because I didn't include the scientific references to explain how I'd come up with my tips, I ended up coming across as obnoxious and condescending. Lesson learned.

For the record, I'll observe that studies show that extroversion (even for introverts) and exercise (even for couch potatoes) are highly correlated with happiness, and expressing and dwelling on anger and annoyance are highly correlated with non-happiness. That's how I came up with those tips.

Now, I'd assumed that most non-academics aren't interested in definitions, but it turns out that they are quite necessary.

I can't muster the kind of analysis necessary to tackle such questions while on vacation, but when I get back, I'm going to grapple with:

What is "happiness"? (Preview: my happiness formula is: To be happy, you must think about feeling good, feeling bad, and feeling right, in an atmosphere of growth.)

Are "unhappiness" and "depression" different, and if so, how? (Preview: I think they ARE different.)

What is the opposite of "happiness"? (Preview: unhappiness and happiness aren't opposites, but, studies show, are separate constructs; and I think depression is in a different category entirely.)

So stay tuned...

Comments

[Jenny]

I thought it was a great post myself, it got me thinking about all the people I know who take great pleasure in being unhappy in a way, and my father who struggled with depression, who always thought the entire world was against him. I like your sense of humour and would hate for you to be more clinical for the sake of people who easily take offense.

It seems similar to some people who complain about being overweight but in actual fact they are locked into the way they are and constantly sabotage themselves, in such a way that its almost like they dont want to lose weight.

[Kristin]

I lived with depression for at least two years before admitting to myself that I might be mentally ill. I realized that I had lost my perspective, so that everything seemed awful when, in fact, it wasn't. So I saw a counselor, and I told her that, despite all the many good things in my life, I felt anxious, sad, and just generally terrible all the time. She smiled and said, "I think you have depression. Most people I counsel spend a lot of time telling me how other people are messing up their lives. They spend a lot of time blaming other people for all their problems. But you're easy. Your brain just isn't working right."

Depression and unhappiness (though not mutually exclusive) are completely different. Depression is not a choice. Some of us have it, and some of us don't. But to be happy or unhappy...that's a choice.

[adora]

I enjoyed your last post. Kindda like Ben Stein's "How to Ruin Your Life", listing all the things to avoid.

I think Happiness is the feeling of enjoyment and satisfaction. The "satisfaction" part is just like what you said about the "atmosphere of growth". That's why sometimes it makes us unhappy to do something but we also feel happy because we are satisfied.

[Patti]

I too can speak from experience about depression. It's as if someone is gradually turning the lights down till one day you find yourself in darkness. This is not a choice, it is brain chemicals gone wrong. Unhappiness is definitely a choice that you make.

[Jill]

I enjoyed your last post, just as I enjoy the rest of the blog. I actually thought it was a gentle, if sarcastic, way to prompt some introspection.

[shuchetana]

I hope you're enjoying your holiday, and not worrying about all your future posts too much :)

[Helen]

Gretchen - there is a very interesting post on presentationzen.com that you might enjoy.

[Meredith Arwen Temple]

I have no idea if you're still reading these comments, as this was nearly a week ago now, but quite honestly, *this* introvert spent over ten miserable years trying very hard to be an extrovert and wondering why she was constantly tired, cranky, upset, overwhelmed, worn-out, stressed-out, and lacking any kind of peace in her life. It was when I realised, wait, *I like being alone*, I like having *very little* social interaction in my day to day life (particularly face to face), I *love* having hours by myself to read, I love having time to write, I love having time to watch my own TV programs, all by myself - it was only then that I have acheived the measure of peace, contentment and happiness that I have now. The very happiest days I have are often of complete solitude, dawn till dusk, and I revel in them.

And this is *why* many introverts get very angry at extroverts, even backed up with studies (many of which are actually badly run, set up and interpreted), who tell them that what they really need to be happy is spend more time with people. Often, we need to spend less.

[brittany]

I believe to be an extrovert myself, considering i have experienced depression to the lowest point. Isn't that when you know you have experienced happiness? i mean if you know the feeling of depression then some how you find out what makes you happy. I dont think anyone can tell you what happiness is to you, because human to human..we are all different. So our soul and heart can describe each feeling whether you can label the emotion or not. its just what you can do to achieve that good feeling you maybe once felt.

[brittany]

I believe to be an extrovert myself, considering i have experienced depression to the lowest point. Isn't that when you know you have experienced happiness? i mean if you know the feeling of depression then some how you find out what makes you happy. I dont think anyone can tell you what happiness is to you, because human to human..we are all different. So our soul and heart can describe each feeling whether you can label the emotion or not. its just what you can do to achieve that good feeling you maybe once felt.

[Ms .45]

I found the original post pretty offensive, and thank you for your apology.

I also want to run a perspective past you that you may not have thought of. Like many posters here I suffer from clinical depression. I do not actually want to be "happy". What I want is to be *content*. The difference is that happy to me is some kind of elevated, even "high" feeling. I know I won't be like that all the time. It's just not realistic. I want, instead, to be free of suffering - free of feeling like I'm paralyzed in amber, free of needing to cry and not being able to, free of feeling like I can't enter into a relationship until I'm not depressed any more and becoming more depressed because I can't enter into a relationship and so on and on and son.

In comparison to that, being mildly grumpy is actually quite fun.

[Mal]

You are taking no account of people's strengths or inclinations. If a person is an introvert with 'love of wisdom' as their greatest strength would you advise them to 'go to lots of parties' or to 'read Seligman'? Meredith and Ms.45 make very good points which you don't seem to be addressing at all. I get the impression that you're a bubbly extrovert who is, and has been, mostly happy most of the time. These are not good qualifications for writing a book on 'how to attain happiness' unless you can really get inside the minds of those who have been unhappy and have found a way out.