A new family tradition: "Polite Night."

The Big Man has come up with a new family tradition.

When we were on vacation and eating in a restaurant with grandparents every night, I saw how bad the Big Girl’s manners could be. (Mine, too, for that matter.)

“Put your napkin in your lap.”

“Don’t hunch over your food.”

“Hold your spoon properly.”

“You can’t eat that with your fingers!”

Etc.

When we got home, I told the Big Man, “We all need to practice better table manners at home.”

“You think so?”

He didn’t say anything more, so I didn’t think he was paying any attention, but last night he announced, “Tonight, we’re going to eat in the dining room.”

Instead of sitting at our grubby kitchen table, we pulled out the placemats, set the table, rolled the high chair into the dining room, and I even lit a candle. The fact that the Little Girl kept throwing her spaghetti on the floor diminished the elegance somewhat, but it was nice to eat properly.

We’ve dubbed it “Polite Night” and decided to make it a weekly tradition. (Really, every night should be "Polite Night," but we decided to be realistic.)

Comments

[me]

Yes, manners begin at the home and you're doing more than 90% of parents out there but...I am curious why its 'unrealistic'...what has happened to sour society to make it so? My father says that my grandfather - who ran his own company - would come home, shave (this was before double edged razors) put on a jacket and come down for dinner.
Was has so radically altered about human DNA that this is no longer 'realistic'.?

[David Stiles]

When I was kid Mother said "Practice your manners at home and your manners will be second nature in public." I thought she and Dad were being unreasonable and hard. The passing years have proved them right. To this day, I attempt to use manners, be polite and use the "magic words" please and thank you at ever opportunity. Making the effort has provided many opportunities to meet people and create friendships.

[bricoleursdaughter]

Candles, yes! Occasionally the boys will ask for candles at dinner, somehow it makes it all so much more special, and when they are done they get to blow their candle out! Somehow, our manners are still pretty atrocious, but they always ask to be excused and take their plates, a fact which often astonishes guests. Using utensils, chewing with their mouths closed, and actually sitting in their chairs, not so much.

[Sharyn]

Beautiful! I love it.

[Catheryn Brockett]

What happened to the clothes post? Was that a ghost in my computer - or did you remove it?
I wanted to reply with a Mark Twain quote - Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.
As an actress and soon to be published author I find myself battling guilt when I spend money on clothes, but with new successes you have to shed the old skin for something beautiful and new (and usually from Banana Republic)* It matters.
I love your blog. It is lovely, inspirational, witty - and thank God - smart.

*Not a plug.

[Tai]

I love this idea. Manners and etiquette are so important. I know it's an old-fashioned concept, but they really do help knit society together by giving people a foundation from where to act. It's a kind of security. When you really don't know what to do, you look to your manners to help you through sticky situations.

[kstyle]

HI Gretchen
Just wanted to let you know that Oprah's show tomorrow is titled "Are You Happy". Have no idea what it's about etc. but thought you might be inerested. And love the polite day idea. Widh I had started it when "The Big Boy" was two.k

[Sherri Leigh]

Politeness does seem to be lacking these days, generally speaking. I think it's because we live in such a fast paced yet casual culture. It's as if the perceived lack of time excuses poor manners. Dinner in the dining room is a quick and easy way to elevate the mood a little and makes any old meal feel like something extra special.

[shuchetana]

"Clothes post"? Did I miss a post? I would love to hear about how clothes contribute to our happiness :)
Also, the polite night idea is cute and useful. And practical: most of the time, it's not worth spending so much effort every night.

[Michelle]

I LOVE the idea of Polite Night. My mom always says you should eat family style with the food on the table and "setting a pretty table" is high on her list of happy things. But, at our house, we usually dole out the food stove-side and carry it to the table. I think Polite Night will rank up there with Movie Night with my kids if it means placemats, cloth napkins and candles. Great idea. Thanks!

[Ashley Cecil]

Once upon a time I was a nanny for a family with 4 children in Australia. I remember the one time we all tried to sit down for dinner at the same time, at the same table; it was for Thanksgiving. It was logistically hard, and explaining Thanksgiving to an Australian 3 year old was more complicated than I expected, but there was a sense of accomplishment. It's amazing the small things you come to appreciate when there are so many little people to coordinate.

[t-bird]

We scrimped and saved and 6 months ago bought our first dining table. Every night (well, okay, almost every night) we put a clean table cloth on it (to hide the fact that it's white plastic covered particle board mainly!), put out the table mats that languished for nerly 10 years in a cupboard (wedding gift!), wine glasses go out, a pretty pitcher of iced water..... it has made a huge difference to our whole family. We have a solid hour of no distractions, we have been known to take the phone off the hook (and turn off the mobile!) and we ALWAYS have classical music tweetling away in the background. I love it. And not only that, last time we ate out the waiter AND the people on the next table all commented on how well behaved our dd was and how elegently she sipped her juice from her wine glass!