This Wednesday: One big tip for changing the way you think.

Every Wednesday is Tip Day.
This Wednesday: One big tip for changing the way you think.

I’ve become a believer in catchphrases. Each day, I re-read my Twelve Commandments (see left column), and I know that having these ideas fresh in my mind really does influence my behavior.

I also have catchphrases posted in strategic places around my house – “Enthusiastic and creative” is on my desk, “Quiet mind” is in the bedroom, etc.

Studies show that by keeping certain ideas active and accessible through review and repetition, you can shape the way you think.

I’ve been asking other people for the phrases they repeat to themselves for inspiration or reassurance. Some people get their catchphrases from Virginia Woolf or T. S. Eliot or the Bible; some people get them from popular culture; some people make up their own.

Here are some good ones I’ve heard:

There’s no wrong decision here.
Patience.
Always say hello.
Cut people slack.
What would my mother do?
Actually, this is good for us.
On, Stanley, on.
React to the situation.
Be easy to please.
Lighten up, Francis.
Fake it ‘till you make it.
One day at a time.
Expect a miracle.
At the still point of the turning world.
Will this matter next year?
Be still, and know that I am God.
Remember, everyone’s doing their best all the time.
Get a hold of yourself, Meredith!
Say yes.
People succeed in groups.
Recognize my ghosts.
Down with boredom.
I love Leo, just as he is.
Catch the rushing breeze.
Play the hand I’m dealt.
Do nothing, go nowhere.
If it doesn’t fit one way, then turn it around.
If things aren’t going to plan, it’s time to change the plan.
What would I do if I weren’t scared?

Comments

[Mayura]

Don't sweat the small stuff and its all small stuff.

[fritz]

Hi Gretchen, what do you make of this: "Men can only be happy when they do not assume that the object of life is happiness," - George Orwell, 1944

Cheers, Fritz

[Zann Carter]

Gretchen, thank you so much for the mention and link on Monday to my decluttering blog. Hundreds of people have visited and many have taken time to write a note. What a boost to my resolve to get my clutter under control!

I have a couple of mantras that work well to allow me to destress.
"Breathe and be" (sometimes I wear a bee pin to remind me of this)

My favorite one though, has a kind of Zen magic to it:
"There's plenty of time."

Somehow, when I focus on that, even when I'm running late...time seems to...expand!

peace,
'Zann

[adora]

Thanks! Great tip!

I've been struggling with my phone manners. Since 90% of the calls are from telemarketers or wrong numbers, I developed a terrible tone of voice when picking up calls. I've been working hard, but only have improvements when I initial the calls - when I'm prepared. So, I'm going to post some smiley stickers on my telephone to remind myself to be nice. (I react better to graphics than text.)

[Cascadia Girl]

I love the last one on your list. I will add it to my repetoire!

Here's a few of mine:

1) It is what it is.
2) I was born. The rest is gravy.
3) This is part of my 10%. (This is based on my theory that 10% is a bare minimum to expect of hard/sad/crappy experiences in life.)
4) It's the hard stuff that makes us better people.

[Maria Helm]

We tell people that we have two mantras in our household, and they cover most things you have to deal with in regards to your children:

1. It only takes ONCE.
(But I won't fall! - Well, it only takes once to break your leg.)
2. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.
(Applies to eating healthy food, doing chores, etc.)

I love the one "I love Leo, just as he is." At first I had to laughingly think how I apply this to my family, but then I turned it a little and thought there are some people where I'd need to say "GOD loves Leo just as he is", remind myself that it is out of my control, but that person is still valuable.

Thank you! So many good thoughts in this post!

[Jessica]

In social situations I sometimes use: "Head up, shoulder's back, easy smile." It does wonders when I'm feeling reticent, withdrawn, or nervous! Thanks Gretchen, great post! I'm going into a federal appellate clerkship interview in two hours, so I'm glad you reminded me of my mantra!

[Jenna]

Can you site some of those studies please? Or link to articles citing those studies? Thanks!

[Sophie]

My personal favorite: "Every cripple finds his own way of walking." A bit grim for many people, I'm sure, but oddly comforting to me. Whatever I do, even if it's not the right thing, is me trying to find my own way of walking.

[Helen]

I have a couple that I've noticed myself repeating often recently: "Create order" and "Identify the problem" (sound familiar, huh?). These have been useful for me to ground myself in chaotic stressful situations. A quick focus on creating order actually helps me identify the core problem more quickly. I used to use the phrase "It's all about me" as a way to make fun of the way I can quickly make something about me when usually it has NOTHING to do with me. Saying it seemed to make me let go of something that I was holding onto unnecessarily. A friend took note of me saying it but he didn't understand that it was a way to make light of a situation and to remind myself it was NOT about me. He started to use it too but I noticed that he was using it as a tool to bring the conversation back to him and was avoiding addressing some things he probably should have been addressing. Gretchen, I wondered when I reviewed your list if you chose not to include some because they appeared negative etc? I guess that many of us can get ourselves into unhappy frames of mind when we hold onto the wrong mantra.

[Jessica]

Maybe my new mantra should be "Don't use the possessive form incorrectly." ;-)

[Elle]

I have been following your blog for a while now and love it. The fact that my blog is called 'Happy to be' pretty much sums up how I view life.

I have two mantra's and one saying:
'Happy to be' which covers quite a lot and the other one, from a very corny Mariah Carey song, 'Make it happen'.

The saying I was taught by my very wise grandmother: 'It's easy enough to be pleasant when life goes a long like a song. But the man worthwhile is the man who can smile if everything goes dead wrong.' Which makes me realise I have a third mantra: 'Keep smiling.'

[MoreTimeAndMoney]

When I have to deal with "challenging" people or situations, I recall a Mary J. Blige lyric: "No More Drama."

[Sharyn]

One of my favorites is asking myself, "Is this progress?"

[TasterSpoon]

Lovely! I'm going to steal some of these.

Wait, which one is from Stripes? I only remember "Lean, Mean Fighting Machine" from that.

I'm also enjoying the ones commenters have added. A couple more I like:

"You can do anything for fifteen minutes." (In reference to cleaning, exercise, whatever; stolen from Flylady, who has an amazing following for her de-cluttering system and blog - check her out if you haven't already.)

I note several people have focused on the upside of crappy experiences. My preferred mantra: "I'm building character."

[Dawn Alice Rogers]

Hey Gretchen,
This is a great list. I find that my brain tune same spot in front of me. In our house we use a wipe board and write the currently helpful phrase on there. That way we can change it when we need a fresh one. (right now it says: slow down and THINK.)

My favorite is one a co-worker used to say to the kids we work with when correcting them. "...you need to be smart about it." Meaning you can do what you're doing but do it with forethought, or don't do that because that is not the smart choice.

I like it that you can assume you have the ability to be aware and choose what is right for you. You can choose the way you want to be.

[Dawn Alice Rogers]

that first sentence is supposed to be: I find that my brain tunes out things I see over and over in the same spot in front of me...
sorry!
:)

[Adriana]

without intending to have this in my mind, the phrase, "All things come to an end" seems to have settled somewhere in the terrain of my thoughts. It reminds me that the bad stuff or events I'm nervous about will come to an end, and it keeps me grounded enough to "ponder the things in my heart" when I'm living through the good stuff.

Thanks for a great entry today!

[Jeri Dansky]

Done is done - spoken by Morgaine in The Mists of Avalon.

[Helen]

My mother would often say "Water off a duck's back!" and the other was "I'm a survivor!"

[Gretchen Rubin]

These are fantastic, I love reading these. So many of them seem to make the same point, but for some reason, a particular phrasing, or hearing it in a particular context, will let an idea stick in our minds.

"You can do anything for 15 minutes" also applies to EXERCISE. How bad can it be to walk around the block for 15 minutes? do it, you'll be happier. I LOVE Flylady, btw.

I especially like the catchphrase for entering social situations. I find that those really help me, too. It's funny how easy it is to forget to smile.

For the studies, check out Timothy Wilson's Strangers to Ourselves: Discovering the Adaptive Unconscious. A fascinating book, and very readable. Malcolm Gladwell's Blink draws from this book and expands on its ideas, so it's a good source too.

"Is this progress?" reminded me of a catchphrase I forgot to add. "Is this helping?" -- to be invoked when I'm losing my temper, nagging, griping at some unavoidable problem like a traffic jam. If it's not helping, don't do it!

"There's plenty of time" -- I invoke this by pretending to be in jail. No hurry, nowhere to go, nothing but time. So helpful, especially when dealing with tech problems!

About "God loves Leo, just as he is" -- I have a slight obsession with St. Therese of Lisieux, and in Story of a Soul, she explains how she uses just this kind of thinking to be able to love and find virtue in some of her more irksome sisters in the convent. Check it out.

"Lighten up, Francis" is the line from Stripes. Remember the scene when they're sitting in their bunks, getting acquainted? one of the guys goes on and on, "if you touch my stuff, I'll kill you, if you call me Francis, I'll kill you," etc. and Bill Murray says gently, "Lighten up, Francis." Oh my goodness, I must go rent that movie right now. Just thinking about it makes me laugh.

[emilie]

I love all these. I love this post!

Lately for me it's been: "Goodnight little girls, thank the Lord you are well. Now go to sleep," said Ms Clavel...

From Madeline.

Weird, but soothing. & puts things in perspective ('thank the Lord you are well') in times of duress.

[Megan]

Opportunity is not the same as commitment.

[T]

I'm sure you've heard, but Oprah did a show on Happiness yesterday. Love the blog!

[Sharyn]

One more! I saw this just this morning:

"My dog's advice - Wag more, bark less."

[patry]

"No fear.No envy. No meanness." Liam Clancy

[Lisa]

What I've said to myself since I was in 8th grade trying out for an honor band is from Shakespeare, which I was studying that year: "Cowards die many times before their death, the valiant never taste of death but once." It helps me.

[AE]

Great post. I always think of these too...

"No matter how bad you think you have it, someone else has it much worse."

"Remember that the future always arrives much earlier than you’d expect."

"Life is what you make of it."

[Martha Garvey]

My husband has a nice silly one: Don't Sweat the Small Stuff...in Your Pants."

[Cheri]

I'm definitely adopting several new mantras from the post & the comments! Thank you, thank you! I use these quite a bit: Everyone is wrong about the future (my way of reminding myself that I don't & can't know what's up ahead or control it, ditto for all of us); Mistakes will be made (removes the personal blame angle, mine or others); and Courage, courage, courage, cowboy (which I saw written on a very whimsical painting, which included a giant rabbit, a cactus forest and a teeny tiny cowboy atop the bunny).

[Karen Beadling]

I am really enjoying your (much-needed) blog and was rereading your 12 commandments just now. All good, but what does "Spend out" mean?

I like the Big Man, Big Girl, etc. A lovely way of allowing some privacy.

Thank you.

[Kay D L]

I'm teaching for a year in Korea-I hate it. When students frustrate me and I feel like I can't take it anymore I think of my newly adopted happy phrase which becomes the song "It's a beautiful day! Don't let it get away!" It reminds me that the day is mine despite my circumstance and I have to make it the best one for me!

PS Oprah's "Happiness" show came on today here. That's why I looked for "happy" sites AND I am looking for a new profession.

[Patsy Terrell]

Let it go, let it be, let it lie.

[Truthteller]

Here is my contribution...

"everything is possible if you can have fun doing it"

[Sasha]

Here's one of my favorites, from Mary Poppins:

"Enough is as good as a feast."

It works on so many levels.

[Edward Jackson]

I think this one doesn't make any sense: breungles, mentioned somewhere

[Martin]

When the pressure builds up inside me, the little mantra I use is "breathe in the good, breathe out the bad".
Thanks for writing this blog, I love coming back and reading your blog Gretchen, its always interesting to read your new twist to seeing how much fun this world really is.

[Corey Baldwin]

Mind over Matter, If you don't mind it does matter.

[Corey Baldwin]

Whoops! It suppose to be...

Mind over Matter, If you don't mind it doesn't matter.

[ancientsounds.blogspot.com]

Thank you for your The Years Are Short, it was a touching story. I am a NYC parent too and in a few weeks my son will make reach the milestone of 13 years and so they say, leave childhood behind.
Your film made me want to notice and cherish more the time I spend with him... because it was a story and NOT an aphorism, list of tips, theoretical bits of advice or catchphrase. More stories please!
The rest is clutter.
And Rabbit told Eeyore so many ideas and sayings so that Eeyore could be more Rabbit(clever) and less Eeyore(depressed). Every day Rabbit would tell him more and more and urge him do write them down and practice them. Eeyore one day met up with Pooh, on his way to try to avoid a Rabbit lecture. Pooh told Eeyore he enjoyed hearing Rabbit's tips because it felt so good afterwards when he forgot them.
So many people fill up books and the internet with cleverness and some make money at it but that is not mean they are doing good for the world.
Thanks again for your story, I am going to share it with my wife right now.

[Stacyjc3]

"A journey of a thousand miles begins with but a single step" this I repeat especially when I am doing rather lengthy, unpleasant tasks such as cleaning, uncluttering, cleaning...oh, did I already say cleaning?

[Nora]

Is this (food choice, thought, action) getting me closer to my goal? If not, what can I (eat, think, do) to get me to my goal?

[Debby]

Go ahead and blossom.
it's giving yourself the okay to shine, try something new, stretch your roots a little deeper. Even if you've thought of yourself in the most reserved tones remember: be it a daisy or a rose, a weed or an orchid, a bloom is still a bloom.

[sillama]

When I was straining to decide or all upset about something, my grandpa used to say, with a little smile, "It'll all be the same in a hundred years." Now that I'm about the age he was then, I have a lot better sense of what he was talking about. Most things really aren't that important in the grand expanse of history. ;-)

[S.C.]

I read once that sailors of old used to cry out 'To sail is everything; to live is not', when they were heading out into particularly choppy waters. I know it sounds a bit grim but I love the idea of taking a chance on your passion rather than living your whole life 'safe'.

[meric]

My dad used to say "it's only money" whenever he felt like he was spending too much on something that us kids really wanted. It made us feel less guilty for wanting it and I think he enjoyed being the hero that gave us what we wanted, even if it was frivolous.