Why PASSION is so critically important to happiness.

Because of the Happiness Project, I spend a lot of time wondering, “What elements are necessary for a happy life?”

I’ve become convinced that one of the greatest supports to a person’s happiness is passion – whether for musical theater, video games, constitutional history, camping, stamps, shoe-shopping, teaching English as a second language, or whatever.

Now, it might seem that some passions are “better” than others – they help other people, or they’re of a “higher” nature, or they’re more healthy or wholesome. Maybe. But any passion is a great boon to happiness.

A passion gives you a reason to keep learning and to work toward mastery. It can often give you a reason to travel, and therefore to have the new experiences so key to happiness. It gives you something in common with other people, and so fosters social bonds. It gives you purpose. It often has a satisfying physical aspect—rock-climbing, fly-fishing, knitting. It gives meaningful structure to your time. It makes the world a richer place. When you’re in pain, it can be a refuge, a distraction, a solace.

One of my struggles to “Be Gretchen” is to identify and pursue my passions – my real passions, not the passions I wish that I had – and also to acknowledge when I don’t share a passion.

It’s a little sad to admit that a common passion isn’t a source of joy to me. Like food. I wish I appreciated food more, but I don’t. (This doesn't mean that I don't love to EAT -- I do. I have an incredible sweet tooth and snack constantly. I just don't have a refined palate. I want to eat Snackwells, breakfast cereal, and candy all day long. And while that stuff is great, there's not much sophisticated pleasure to get from it.)

I’ve been thinking about this because I just finished Molly O’Neill’s fabulous memoir, Mostly True: A Memoir of Family, Food, and Baseball.

She shows how important passion was to her and her brothers – hers, for cooking, theirs, for baseball.

Cooking keeps one in the present. It is a thing that has a beginning, a middle, and an end. If you don’t pay attention, you can cut off your finger, burn yourself or your meal. You can’t lie about cooking. You either do it well or you don’t. You are fast or you are slow. You are neat or you are sloppy. You have taste or you don’t. It’s only dinner, but cooking makes honest people of liars, realists of dreamers, and well-ordered minds out of chaotic and impulsive ones. Baseball saved my brothers but cooking saved me.

Reading about her enjoyment of food – the enormous efforts she took to educate herself in all aspects of food, cooking, and restaurants– the depth of her discernment – the crazy adventures she had along the way – made me feel wistful.

I love the idea of going down to little markets in Chinatown to shop for fish, or making a reservation at a great New York City restaurant, or learning to make some lovely, special dish – I love the idea of doing it, but really, I don’t want to do it. Really, I’d rather stay home and eat one-minute oatmeal while reading the newspaper. That seems limited and joyless – but that’s Gretchen.

So food isn’t my passion – what is? Can I find overlooked passions that I can stoke? I’m trying to pay more attention. It can be surprisingly hard to identify your passion. My college roommate, for example, has a Ph.D. in anthropology and never took one class in anthropology in college.

Passion doesn’t just bring happiness to the person who enjoys that passion – it also brings a vicarious pleasure to onlookers.

I’m not interested in food or baseball, but I loved reading about Molly O’Neill’s passion. I have a friend who is an enthusiast for practically everything. She loves her job. She loves to read. She loves baseball. She loves video games. She loves to travel. She loves to learn to do new things. She loves clothes. I don’t share most of these passions, yet I find her such a happy, energizing person to be with.

I’m almost ready to unveil my “Four Pillars of Happiness,” also known as “The four things you must have in your life in order to be happy,” and passion fits right in to that…

*
Talia at the Centre for Emotional Well-Being was kind enough to interview me for her blog. Lots of great material there.

Comments

[Natasha]

You are so right! Your passions make the world look brighter, feel lighter, and make you so happy. They also make time go by so fast. My passion is reading and I feel like it has made me a better person. I'm more open to life.

Thanks for the great entry!

[MoreTimeAndMoney]

It's kinda hard to turn down passion as an essential for enjoying life. There are many examples throughout history of happy passionate people. Unfortunately, there are also examples of miserable suffering artists/poets/etc. who were passionate about their work. I wouldn't want to live a life without passion, but I don't know if it's necessary for happiness.

[kstyle]

Gretchen this is such a great post and topic. I agree with you wholeheartedly that passions are a gift and especially so for those that discover theirs early. For myself they came late. And surprisingly or not they came when I had fewer distractions in my life. Living in Mexico without the whirlwind of constant distraction I was forced to pay attention. To recognize that something was missing. At first it was hard for me to live in such a "slower" less hectic world. Now I am so greatful that I did. It was while walking through one of the markets in tonala that I first saw a young man melting glass into an animal form that would later become a martini stick. I was mesmerized and a passion was born. Who would have thought. Certainly not me. Now I can't imagine my life without glass and all that it has brought to me. I also think that as a mom I am trying to expose my kids to opportunities to find their passions sooner. Because you are so right. Life is more fun and richer with them. k

[bill]

Having passion sounds great, but what if one can't generate passion about much of anything? How can the lack of passion, a sign of depression, be overcome in order to obtain this fundamental requirement of happiness, passion? It seems akin to a Catch 22.

[Sarah]

Maybe your passion is for personal serenity?

[Gretchen Rubin]

Yes, people can be unhappy yet passionate -- but I don't think that they would have been happy if they had NOT had those passions. Probably, worse off. Though it's true, passions can also be frustrating, sources of disappointment, unfulfilled yearning, etc.

A lack of passion--gosh, I know what you're talking about. That feeling that nothing is interesting, nothing is worth the effort. You're right, that can be a sign of depression. But for those who aren't clinically depressed, keep looking, keep paying attention, and see if you can find a hidden passion. Think about what you liked to do as a child. Could you reconnect with a passion that you haven't indulged in decades?

[Jackie Danicki]

I highly recommend Julia Cameron's book The Artist's Way for anyone who would like to discover passion in themselves. It is geared towards creative people - that is, people who think of themselves as creative, and wish to unlock more of their creativity - but it is actually a wonderful resource for any person. Much of it is focussed on removing inner critic voices which prevent us from unlocking and exploring our real passions. It is also, I must say, a treasure trove of excellent quotations.

[Ruby]

Maybe one of your passions is reading memoirs? I know that most memoirs bore me :)
Do you think that a passion could be a bad thing to have? We are venturing into the subjective "spiritual" side of things again. But even while ignoring clinically ill and dangerous people, what about those whose passions seem base and ridiculous? Donald Trump obssessed with publicity, a wannabe-supermodel passionate about being skinny, or a would-be millionaire obsessed with his/her business?

[Peter]

"Think about what you liked to do as a child."

Any advice to those of us spent all their free time as a child playing video games and wiffle ball?

The reason it's so hard for many of us (myself included) to find a passion is that we've spent much of our lives being told to only worry about having a 'good career' and never spent any time doing anything else. Can't place all the blame on others, but the bottom line is, I have no idea what I like to do cause I never thought that was important.

[Ursula]

Hey,I really love reading your blog, and learned a lot from your Tips.May I translate some of your Tips into chinese and post it to my Blog so that my chinese friends and some chinese readers who don't understand English can also read these great tips?

[Cara]

I loved this post! To Peter: I know what you mean about having a hard time finding what you're passionate about. What's worked for me is investing some time (a year is not too much) trying anything that sounds remotely interesting, like grazing at a buffet. If you don't find your passion(s) right away, it's still time well spent because you'll gather some fun experiences that you wouldn't have otherwise. When you discover something you're passionate about, you'll know because you'll feel a pull toward that activity. You won't have to push yourself to spend more time on it. Instead, you'll find yourself rearranging your life and your priorities so you can spend more time on your passion. Once that happens, you're well on your way!

[Jennifer M.]

First of all, thank you so much for your blog! Happiness is something I have a really hard time with because I am a natural cynic. It runs in my family. This post really gave me an "A-ha" moment. You mention your friend who got a PhD in anthropology, having never taken a class in anthropology in college. The thing that has really been holding me back from going for my PhD is that I didn't take any undergraduate classes in the subject I'm interested in, so I'd have to take a lot of deficiency classes. Just knowing that someone else did it and was successful makes it seem possible for me too. Sometimes happiness is as simple as recognizing that what you want isn't impossible. Thank you.

[MJ]

I second Jackie - The Artist's Way is outstanding for helping you confront all of the things that are holding you back. I've been reading and re-reading it for a few years. My fix has not been quick but it has been a genuine fix, some of these deep things take time. I also LOVE Dr. Stephen Berglas' Reclaiming the Fire and highly recommend it. While it seems to be a book about successful people who have run into burnout and hit a wall in their lives, its content regarding how we derail ourselves, deny our true interests, sabotage ourselves out of fear or pain, and keep ourselves from living the lives that we want and being open and honest with ourselves is excellent and widely applicable. My copy is filled with post it notes on the pages I refer to the most and I think Berglas helped me to fix myself in a few more ways -realizing how much of my anger was really anger at myself or at my parents (for pushing me in directions that I followed - I've forgiven them and myself too and am getting on with the future). Or how much anger or unhappiness was just fear and frustration - I have the power to address and try to fix those.

Peter - I hear you 100%. When I started practicing law our marketing lady asked me what my passions and interests were. I could not answer her for a few days (though I read and cooked and traveled frequently) -I had stopped thinking about me and what I loved years before (because if "I" loved it or if I "loved" it and it was not connected to being a good little worker bee it had to be stupid, worthless, a bourgeois indulgence, etc.). As I've ceased "drinking the law firm Kool Aid" (lawyer joke) and also stopped putting myself down (you are so flaky, your interests are stupid, you should just shut up and work more because that is all you are good for) I've rediscovered lots of passions. Too bad I don't have more time for them, but duty still calls. I think that the negation of the individual in the face of $$ for the employer is one of the Great American Sicknesses - we are absorbing the message that the highest form of existence is being a cog in a wheel. Not true! Spit out the Kool Aid, throw a spanner into the works, go all "Apple Big Brother commercial" on The Man, throw off those shackles.

This is a great blog. I came to it from legal sanity and now check in most days. It is wonderfully helpful and positive, please keep it up!

And yes, I know that I could probably use a little more "legal sanity" based on the email above, but I'm working on the sanity part and it takes time!!!

[Gretchen Rubin]

Thanks for all these great responses! Yes, please translate away into Chinese -- but please do include the link. I'd love for more readers to find me that way.

I've never read Berglas's Reclaiming the Fire -- my next stop will be Amazon to check it out.

Yes, we must all pay attention to ourselves! what DO we like to do? Why is it so hard to know something that should be so obvious? I try to notice what newspaper and magazine articles I'm most interested in...that's useful. It tells you about yourself indirectly.

When I asked my roommate why she'd never taken any anthropology classes in college, she said, "Anthropology seemed like material that everyone was interested in, the kind of thing to read in your spare time. It didn't feel like real classwork." But then she REALIZED that OF COURSE that was what she should study most seriously.

[Miles]

Hey I wrote an article featuring this post on it over at my new blog Positive Fitness, I hope you take a moment to check it out.

Thanks!

http://positivefitnessblog.com/positive-fitness-and-health-links-april-19-2007/

[MJ]

I've always regretted turning away from my passion for (and real ability in) Latin translation and Roman history etc. Who knows what would have happened? I might have still gone into a profession, or I might have been a professor or used it all for best-selling murder mysteries. And maybe the passion would have changed or gone away too, but I loved it, I got A+s in it, what was I thinking?

[Gale]

Thank you for saying it! Yes, everyone needs to have a passion! Without passion the life is empty! Everyone knows it, but you had courage to say it!!

[Dana Hall]

You are absolutely right, passion is critically important to happiness. Passionate for Life Magazine was created to inspire our visitors to live their passionate lives. We feature 13 departments, 37 amazingly passionate writers and life coaches, and invite our visitors to share their passions.
Come see what Passionate for Life has to offer.

Dana Hall
Founder
Passionate for Life Magazine
http://www.passionateforlife.com

[Dana Hall]

You are absolutely right, passion is critically important to happiness. Passionate for Life Magazine was created to inspire our visitors to live their passionate lives. We feature 13 departments, 37 amazingly passionate writers and life coaches, and invite our visitors to share their passions.
Come see what Passionate for Life has to offer.

Dana Hall
Founder
Passionate for Life Magazine
http://www.passionateforlife.com

[Dana Hall]

You are absolutely right, passion is critically important to happiness. Passionate for Life Magazine was created to inspire our visitors to live their passionate lives. We feature 13 departments, 37 amazingly passionate writers and life coaches, and invite our visitors to share their passions.
Come see what Passionate for Life has to offer.

Dana Hall
Founder
Passionate for Life Magazine
http://www.passionateforlife.com

[Dana Hall]

You are absolutely right, passion is critically important to happiness. Passionate for Life Magazine was created to inspire our visitors to live their passionate lives. We feature 13 departments, 37 amazingly passionate writers and life coaches, and invite our visitors to share their passions.
Come see what Passionate for Life has to offer.

Dana Hall
Founder
Passionate for Life Magazine
http://www.passionateforlife.com

[Lost in Life]

I wholeheartedly agree with you. I am currently 47 years of age and am extremely unhappy. I chose not to follow my paasion as I felt it would not generate enough money for me to survive. I rather chose a career I thought would give me more financial security. I however find that as I grow older I become more and more depressed as I feel that I will never do what I am passionate about, it is slipping out of my hands. I do not what to do as I lack the courage to do what I am passionate about because I never seem to have the guts to do it. ( Too many commitments ).