This Wednesday: Six tips for feeling better about yourself.

Every Wednesday is Tip Day.
This Wednesday: Six tips for feeling better about yourself.

First came the self-esteem movement. Then came the backlash to the self-esteem movement.

It’s pretty clear that repeating “I’m the greatest” or winning a trophy along with every other participant isn’t a good way to build self-esteem.

At the same time, it’s a rare person who isn’t sometimes – or often – plagued with painful self-doubt.

When you’re feeling lousy about yourself, what can you do to feel better?

Here’s the secret.

To build your self-respect…do something worthy of your respect. To like yourself better…do something that makes you likable. Here are some suggestions:

1. Do a good deed. This is as selfish as it is selfless; you’ll benefit as much as the person you’re helping. When I’m feeling low, thinking about the time I helped some friends get a book contract makes me feel much better than recalling every compliment I’ve ever received. In the same vein…

2. Make small gestures of good citizenship. Bring your old magazines to the gym so other people can read them. Help someone with a stroller. My current favorite: picking up trash that other people have left on the subway.

3. Keep a resolution. Not only will you benefit from exercising or cleaning out your garage, you’ll also get a boost from the mere fact that you made a commitment and stuck to it.

4. Become an expert. There’s great satisfaction in mastery. Pick a subject that interests you, and dig in deep: the American Revolution, the works of Chekhov, wine.

5. Boost your energy. Studies show that when you’re feeling energetic, you’re much more likely to feel good about yourself. For a quick shot of energy, take a brisk ten-minute walk (outside, if possible, where sunlight will also stimulate your brain), listen to some great music, or talk to a friend.

6. Challenge yourself physically. This tip doesn’t work for me, but I know that many people feel great after para-sailing, white-water rafting, bungee-jumping, or rollercoaster-riding.

*
I’m pleased to announce that The Huffington Post has asked me to be one of their bloggers. Lots of interesting material on that site – check it out. Today is my debut (I think). Ah, I love being part of the blogosphere.

*
I'm a HUGE fan of Brian Wansink's book Mindless Eating, and I just saw that it was written up in (of all places) the business section of the New York Times. If you haven't read the book, the article, Your Plate is Bigger than Your Stomach, gives you a flavor (excuse the pun)...

Comments

[David Hollingworth]

The low self-esteem and feeling lousy about yourself is rooted in your super-ego. It's the super-ego that mounts these attacks.

If you want to be free of these negative frames of mind then the solution is to become aware of the way the super-ego behaves and develop effective strategies to deal with it.

Often our super-ego has such an upper hand that we identify very strongly with it. We think we are the super-ego; but we're not! The super-ego is not us just as the negative stuff it throws at us isn't us. We are a being apart from the super-ego and we can live a life without it's negative voice.

[Melissa Kirsch]

G--these are great tips, and, for me, much needed this week especially.

Congratulations on the Huffington Post! I'm going to be blogging there too (on entertainment) starting later this month. I love the site and can't wait to read you there!
xoMelissa

[Wayne M]

Gretchen,

I'm a therapist and found the shallow self-esteem nonsense to ring hollow. I could not agree more with your points in this post. Self-respect is what it's really about, and I hope you return to these notions more as this project unfolds.

Best, Wayne

P.S., I recommend your blog to my clients!

[Mark Hager]

Doing a good deed and keeping a resolution are two that have worked for me in the past. I feel that most people overlook the therapeutic benefits of performing a selfless act or cracking a personal 'tough nut'.

I've recently subscribed to your feed and have really enjoyed it so far. Congratulations on the invite by the Post.

[Pamela]

Those are great tips. Thinking about our good deeds is very helpful indeed, especially if you are really proud about those deeds that it made you feel better after doing it.

[phquaryn]

I have to make a little comment about "winning a trophy along with every other participant" -- when I was young I played soccer at the Y. At the end of the season we all got trophies - and I loved my trophy! Now that you mention it, I guess those trophies were because of the self-help-self-esteem thinking of the time, but I never realized it until now. Loved that trophy.

[eduardo]

here is the quickest and easiest way to get a free energy boost...

Truthteller site
http://www.reddeerblog.com/2007/04/free-source-of-energy.html

[Susan]

Your blog is now my all-time favourite. And this entry in my "in" box this morning was fantastic--I will forward it to many people. I agree completely. When I'm blue doing most anything positive helps. It may be cleaning out a drawer, it may be making up a bag of clothes for goodwill, it may be grocery shopping. Anything that makes me feel like I've done SOMETHING. And the worst medicine for depression is doing NOTHING.

[Alice Bachini-Smith]

One needs to do things worthy of self-respect, and also to acknowledge oneself for doing them. Different people err in different directions, and I'm thinking a lot of women especially are skilled at disregarding their own good deeds.

[Gretchen Rubin]

I'm so pleased that people thought these tips were helpful. And I'm DELIGHTED to discover that Wayne, a therapist, recommends my blog to his clients. That's a huge honor. I felt a boost in my self-esteem as I was reading the comments...perfect counter to the self-doubt I was feeling earlier in today. Thank you!

[Dave]

Being good at something is indeed a good way to feel better about ourself. It's probably not that difficult because all of us are good at something.

[Bob Meade]

I agree Gretchen - you've got some great tips there. Several years ago a bloke said to me, "Bob, it doesn't cost you anything to be nice to people.". I found out he was right, so if in doubt, be nice.

[vilaine fille]

Congratulations on your Huffington Post gig! I always enjoy (and benefit from ) reading you and am thrilled to see you prosper.

[beth]

All of these suggestions do seem to help one build self respect and live well.

However, they're all very action/achievement oriented (e.g., become an expert, go bungee jumping!). So many -especially women - who don't feel good about themselves are terribly overcommitted, running from activity to project, trying to be all things to all people, and feeling guilty that they can't do enough. Perhaps it's perfectionism.

I might add -
*make time to do something you enjoy,
*give yourself a few minutes of relaxed, quiet time (for some, meditation works).
*review your expectations of your time - are these expectations realistic?

[karenlim]

A great Post.

What you mention is a mirror of what I understand from Law of Attraction mentioned by Bob proctor

there is a free report that is available
http://www.secretofunlimitedprosperity.com/rights/freereport.php

Besides the point mentioned, I also practice attitude of gratitude. I praise my life everyday and I know I am ready to receive better things each day. The positive outlook in life has boost my self esteem along the years.

Cheers
Karen

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year i am a good thinking costumes girls wives

[kayli]

your a really good writer and this makes a lot of sence the first sentance is what really got me hooked cause when i say im a winner and the best it really doesn't make me feel good. it just really made a lot of sence!

[Henry Every]

I think a balance between work and lifestyle, being loved by friends and family and keep visiting new places are learning new things are also important for one's happiness.

[Rob]

Okay, this is all well and good, but what the world REALLY needs is an app for your iPhone that makes you feel better about yourself every time to you push its button!

Hey, that's why there's http://www.LittleYesMan.com

LittleYesMan - The Life Coach on your iPhone - no matter how wrong you are!
http://www.LittleYesMan.com

[o]

Acctually, what the world REALLY needs is an app on your iPhone which cures cancer