This Wednesday: Ten hilarious tips for writing from Mark Twain.

Every Wednesday is Tip Day.
This Wednesday: Tips for writing from Mark Twain.

Novelist James Fenimore Cooper is out of fashion now (unless he’s sprung back into fashion without my noticing, entirely possible), but his novels, like the The Deerslayer and The Last of the Mohicans, were highly praised in their time. Mark Twain disagreed with that praise.

You can’t get the full hilarious effect of Twain’s essay Fenimore Cooper’s Literary Offences unless you read the whole thing, but we can all learn from his rules for writing. Here are some of my favorites from his list.

Mark Twain divides his rules into large rules and little rules—all violated by James Fenimore Cooper:

Large rules:
1. A tale shall accomplish something and arrive somewhere.

2. The episodes of a tale shall be necessary parts of the tale, and shall help develop it.

3. The personages in a tale shall be alive, except in the case of corpses, and that always the reader shall be able to tell the corpses from the others.

4. The personages in a tale, both dead and alive, shall exhibit a sufficient excuse for being there.

5. When the personages of a tale deal in conversation, the talk shall sound like human talk, and be talk such as human beings would be likely to talk in the given circumstances, and have a discoverable meaning, also a discoverable purpose, and a show of relevancy, and remain in the neighborhood of the subject in hand, and be interesting to the reader, and help out the tale, and stop when the people cannot think of anything more to say.

6. The personages of a tale shall confine themselves to possibilities and let miracles alone; or, if they venture a miracle, the author must so plausibly set it forth as to make it look possible and reasonable.

Little rules:
7. An author should say what he is proposing to say, not merely come near it.

8. Use the right word, not its second cousin.

9. Eschew surplusage.

10. Not omit necessary details.

I’ve never read anything by James Fenimore Cooper, and having read this essay, I certainly never will, but I’ve read Fenimore Cooper’s Literary Offences countless times, and it makes me laugh out loud each time.

*
I just discovered the aptly named blog, The Juggle, a Wall Street Journal blog about juggling work and family life. Sometimes it makes me feel more stressed to read about "the juggle," but sometimes I find it soothing to be reminded that everyone is struggling with the same issues -- and to get some tips about how to handle the juggle better.

Comments

[robert]

You can get free access to that Wall Street Journal article with a netpass from http://www.congoo.com

[M H]

"Novelist James Fenimore Cooper is out of fashion now (unless he’s sprung back into fashion without me noticing..."

Mind a grammatical correction?

"Me" should be "my"...

Enjoy your blog so very much!!!

[Gretchen Rubin]

Oops! Always particularly embarassing to make a grammatical mistake when you're writing about writing...off to fix it.

[Janet]

If you like WSJ's Juggle column, check out www.jugglezine.com. Thought-provoking articles about any number of topics.

[Larry P]

I loved the Cooper books. His style was, to say the least, unorthodox. But the stories, great.

Larry P

[Janna]

Oh, Mark Twain. He was an awesome guy. Wish I could've been alive then to meet him.

[John Benneth]

Good article. Sometimes though I think that Twain was a bit miffed over Cooper's popularity. He certainly isn't waxing on as to why Cooper was so popular, he's just waning as to why he shouldn't be.
FYI, here's my presentation of Twain's "War Prayer."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GuEaJQEU9bU
It's only three minutes long. Hope you "enjoy" it.
John

[Gretchen Rubin]

Well, maybe I'll read a Fenimore Cooper novel one of these days. They were certainly popular at one time -- or maybe they'll just seem funny, seen through Twain's eyes.

[erica cornejo]

Can you correct mistakes on typepad? I'm thinking about starting a blog but want to be able to add and subtract from the posts. Does Typepad support this feature? I tried asking them directly but got a much FULLER anwser, which of course doesn't anwser anything.

Erica

[erica cornejo]

I just noticed that you did correct your mistake. Fabulous! So never mind the question and keep up the good work.

Gold Star for you!

Erica

[Shawn]

Hi there,

I'm linking to your site today. Thanks for the essay. Great stuff.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Erica -- you mean, does Typepad let you go back to previous posts and change them, whether by adding or deleting material? If that's the question, then YES. You can go back to any post very easily and make whatever changes you like. Sounds like you got too much information when you asked Typepad a question -- I will say that one of the reasons I LOVE Typepad is that their customer support is terrific. Because zoikes, I need it. I was sending in a question every day when I was starting this blog.

[Jeff Q.]

That Twain take down of Cooper is one of Twain's most underappreciated gems.

I first read it in high school, fell about the place laughing, and to this day snicker when I pass the Deerslayer on bookstore shelves.

[erica]

That was exactly my question and am very excited to hear that is possible. I am seriously considering Typepad and the good review helps. I too usually prefer too much information but sometimes the yes/no answer is all you need. Thanks for the info, keep up the good work.

Erica

[Gayle]

Twains, Tom and Huck are great Americans, but Coopers, Hawkeye is a great American hero. He may even be the greatest.

[Observer]

"does Typepad let you go back to previous posts and change them, whether by adding or deleting material?"

Just curious, but is there *any* blog system out there that *doesn't* allow you to do that?