A key to happiness: figuring out to keep your resolutions.

Before I started my Happiness Project, I -- like everyone -- had repeatedly made resolutions to make positive changes in my life.

Since I started the Happiness Project, I’ve managed to do a better sticking to these resolutions. Recently I asked myself—why? What was different? Two reasons: accountability and salience.

ACCOUNTABILITY is a key aspect to sticking to a resolution. You must have a way to record your goals, your successes, and your failures. I make a big chart each month, modeled on the virtue chart Benjamin Franklin describes in his Autobiography, on which I score myself each day.

Many readers have asked to see my scoring charts, so I’m prettifying them now, and will make them available soon for anyone who’d like to see a model. Obviously everyone’s resolutions will be very different, but seeing my charts might help spur ideas.

SALIENCE is another key aspect to sticking to a resolution. I found that the more quickly and readily a resolution pops into my mind at an appropriate point, the easier it is to keep that resolution. And the way to keep an idea uppermost in mind is through repetition.

I re-read my Twelve Commandments (see left-hand column) every day. I have sticky notes around the house to remind me of my resolutions. Scoring myself on my chart requires me to review every resolution, every day.

As a result, I hear a little Jiminy-Cricket voice in my head whispering “Let it go,” “Show up,” “There is only love,” “Remember the evening tidy-up,” "Sing in the morning," and all the rest as I go through my day. Of course, I often ignore that little voice, but at least I hear it more clearly than I did before.

Just last night, I discovered a new mechanism to be reminded of my resolutions. It’s a fantastic website called Hassle Me. This site allows you to arrange to be hassled at certain times – so, for example, as a trial I arranged to be hassled every two days with a message, “No fake food.” It can remind you to go to the gym, to call your grandmother, to pay bills, whatever you want, however often you want.

I think I’m going to send myself fifty hassle-me’s. More salience!

*
I found an interesting site, Wise Bread. It's about "living large on a small budget," and I like the sensibility. One of my happiness themes is the relationship between money and happiness, which I think is more complictated than people claim. This site is about living frugally, but with a fun and adventurous spirit -- not cramped penny-pinching. Plus I learned the history of the "baby carrot."

Comments

[beth]

Accountability and salience are important.

It's easier to be accountable when you have goals that are measurable, specific.
"I'm going to exercise 3 times a week" or
"I'm going to have lunch with a friend at least once a week" or
"I'm going to write for at least 1 hour a day"

are easier goals to manage than

"I'm going to be in better shape."
"I'm going to build stronger relationships"
"I'm going to be more creative."

With the latter set of goals, it's hard to know when you've met the goal, so more specific goals give you a helpful target. (I'm a big fan of checking items off of lists.)

[LaurieM]

Do you ever feel bombarded? Or emotionally cluttered with all these little reminders?

[Ian]

If you are seriously looking at happiness, have a look at the vipassana 10 day course (see www.dhamma.org) Basically it gradually gets rid of suffering by a form of meditation, no suffering = happiness. The course is quite arduous mind you but the end result as you meditate is a deep feeling of contentment and greater compassion for other sentient beings.

be happy

Ian

[Gretchen Rubin]

Hmmm...good question about feeling bombarded. I wouldn't say BOMBARDED, but I would say that it feels like a fair amount of WORK. It doesn't take much time, but it does take mental energy to call up these ideas -- say, I'm in my bedroom and I see the note, "Quiet mind," and then I try to quiet my mind.

One thing that has struck me from doing the Happiness Project is that happiness takes a lot of effort. I think some folks have the view that if things would just sort themselves out, they could get happy, and be able to relax in that state. In my experience, it doesn't work that way. It takes constant effort (and failure).

Also, sometimes I just ignore all the reminders!

[travelinoma]

I have just linked to this blog from mine. Your happiness project is influencing my life!

[Beth]

I've started using a couple of the little photo holders -- the ones with a decorative something at the base and then a clip or a wire with a curlique at the top -- to display index cards with reminders on my desk. It is quite aesthetically pleasing and adds beauty insteaad of clutter to my desk. I have my box of index cards that I think through and pray through, and I switch out the ones (or create new ones) that are applicable or needed for the day or week. Samples: "Patience," "Concentrate!" and "A year is a small investment that may alter the course of many years to come." (The second example is a quote from a four-year-old who was encouraging me as I tried to get the VCR to work, and the third is a quote from "The Artist's Way at Work.") Cheers!

[Alli]

I've been wondering how you do this. Ever since you first mentioned the Franklin charts, I've been looking forward to seeing them. There are so many tips and lists and goals. I'm a huge fan of a list, but do you find that they could be "boiled down?" Do the 12 Commandments capture everything? Or do you still need the "secrets of adulthood" and the monthly goal reminders?

[Michael M]

I love Beth's four-year old guru!

Okay, I have to share that when my 8-year old nephew was visiting NYC from Las Vegas, his favorite phrase was "hail a cab." As in, "why can't we just HAIL A CAB?"

Let me try to find some relevance to your post -- oh, yeah, I'm going to remind myself to enjoy the small wonders that happen each day.

[adora]

I use my blog to track my score. I enjoy it very much when my friends ask me about my progress.
I use the Reminder function on Hotmail to hassle me. It automatically send me emails to remind me to do stuff. My G-shock watch beeps at certain hours to remind me to go to gym, leave now (or you'll be late!), take out trash, go to sleep now (or you'll be late tomorrow!)

[Flora Morris Brown, Ph.D.]

Your blog and column over at Real Simple are a wealth of information and a great encouragement as I write my own book.

I checked out the two websites you mention. I liked Wisebread since spending wisely with a light-hearted spirit is my goal. I don't dare sign up with Hassle Me, however. I do a great job of that all by myself.

I'm a firm believer in lists and being accountable, but not as detailed it appears as your charts. I look forward to learning more about these.

Thank you.