In which I am given the "Thinking Blogger" award, and do some thinking of my own, about happiness.

I was happy to discover that the blogger of Never That Easy tagged me as one of the “five blogs that made her think” when she participated in the “Thinking Bloggers” meme.

I was particularly pleased to have been chosen by Never That Easy, because of her subject. She writes about the challenges and frustrations of having lived with fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue syndrome for more than a decade: living with her parents in her late 20’s, constant fatigue, not getting answers from doctors, painful and inconclusive medical tests, barred from activities that are easy for others, confronted by some people’s skepticism about whether she’s “really” sick.

The fact that someone who grapples with such serious, constant issues would see value in my blog means a lot to me. Sometimes I worry that readers might think that I’m presenting happiness as something that can easily be achieved if only we’d all organize our closets and eat more vegetables.

I do tend to focus on the little things, it’s true. Partly that reflects my belief that the way to achieve a big change is to make lots of little, manageable changes. I find it’s easier to follow through with something small and concrete, like “I’m not going to nag the Big Man to change light-bulbs” than to follow through with something lofty and vague, like “I’m going to behave more lovingly toward the Big Man.”

“But,” I sometimes imagine a reader thinking, “it’s so easy for Gretchen. She doesn’t have any terrible problems to deal with. She doesn’t have a step-daughter who hates her, or a father who was verbally abusive, or three hundred pounds to lose, or….”

That’s absolutely true. One thing I’ve learned from my happiness project is that I should be very, very, very grateful every day for the fact that (right now, at least) the scale of my challenges is small.

But one day, my phone is going to ring. That’s true for me, that’s true for everyone. It’s the human condition. And I already have a pretty clear idea of one particular phone call that might come. One reason that I focus on the little things is that I believe that the best preparation for meeting large challenges is to meet small challenges, first.

One of my biggest goals for the happiness project is that I’d be better prepared for adversity – that I’d have the patience, the stamina, the self-control, the mental reserves to deal with a bad thing when it happens. Because it will.

The time to start exercising, stop nagging, and make gingerbread houses, I decided, is when everything was going fairly smoothly. I didn’t want to wait for a crisis to re-make my life. And as trivial as these steps may sound, I do hope that working toward happiness now will make it easier to deal with causes of great unhappiness.

Some people seem to think that it’s pointless, or frivolous, to worry about happiness unless you’re very unhappy or depressed (I distinguish these two states). I disagree.

Studies show that people often look back on bad events – like having cancer – and say that much good came out of those experiences, and that people who face what seem like big challenges – like being in a wheelchair – are often quite happy. The writer of Never That Easy strikes me as a pretty happy person.

But that happiness doesn’t come automatically. It takes effort. I hope that making the effort to be happy under ordinary conditions of life (and it does take effort, even under ordinary conditions) will make it easier to be happy when conditions get tougher. Also, the same strategies tend to work to bring happiness, whatever the conditions of life might be.

The fact that the writer of Never That Easy linked to my blog encourages me to think that I'm on the right track.

Now, to continue the meme…five blogs that make me think are:

1. Zen Habits
2. Michael Melcher Reports
3. Hey Marci Blog
4. Genuine Curiosity
5. Exceptional Dental Practice Management (I promise, worth a look, even if you're not interested in dentistry)

The rules for the meme: 1) if you get tagged, write a post with links to five blogs that make you think, and 2) link to the original post, by The Thinking Blog, that launched the meme so people can easily find it.

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Comments

[Juggling Frogs]

"The time to start exercising, stop nagging, and make gingerbread houses, I decided, is when everything was going fairly smoothly."

I love this blog.

Congratulations, Gretchen, on the award. It is well deserved.

[LaurieM]

I agree with you and I don't think you are trivializing the happiness goal. It's more like taking it in small steps. No one can climb the mountain all at once.

I lived in difficult circumstances most of my life and was either ecstatically happy or miserably unhappy (perhaps depressed), because I lacked the skills to self-regulate. It was only when my circumstances improved that I recognized that there was anything wrong with that situation. I'm much more emotionally balanced now, but I strive for more because I know that life still has challenges to send my way.

[Sheryl]

This is a beautiful post, Gretchen.

[travelinoma]

Your blog always makes me think! Happiness is a frame of mind, not too connected with circumstances. It's something we have to learn how to be...it's a project! Your suggestions remind me that happiness is a priority.

[snowqueen]

Just stumbled on to your blog via ozma - what a fantastic idea - I shall definitely link to you and visit regularly!

[Linda Zdanowicz]

Thanks for tagging me Gretchen, what fun! I was just thinking about how lucky I am as I drove home from work tonight and then I check out my weblog and see a record number of site visits. I followed the crumbs all the way to your blog and was pleasantly surprised to find out that I make someone think enough that it was mentioned on my favorite blog. You have a wise and wonderful way of expressing yourself. Never stop.
Linda

[Gretchen Rubin]

These kind responses make me very happy -- thank you for coming along on my project.

[Megan]

I read you every day. If it makes any difference, your blog has made my life and my families life happier. I have been through "stuff" and it doesn't matter if it was harder or worse than your "stuff" it IS the little things that I have control over and the little things that are making all the difference. My mantra in life is BALANCE with the good comes the bad and it will all come out even in the end. You write about it much more eloquantly than I ever could but my advice to you is this... Don't worry about being prepared for the adversity, it will come regardless, just keep going living every moment as happily as you can, because those are the moment you remember and you can never buy those moments back.

[Helen]

Gretchen,
I'm currently reading 'A year of pleasures' by Elizabeth Berg. I just came across a piece that seemed to resonate with what you said in this post.
"No. I'm not talking about things that happen to you. I'm talking about things you make happen. I'm talking about purposefully doing one thing that brings you happiness every single day, in a very conscious way. It builds up the arsenal, Betta. It tips the balance"
The context of the story gives this piece more weight. I've only recently discovered Elizabeth Berg but I plan to read a lot more of her work. I find it fascinating how happiness is dealt with in so many different mediums.

[Suze]

Gosh, what a wonderful post. Today is my birthday and I consider this a particularly thoughtful gift.

Both you and Penelope Trunk had great posts today -- I hope this bodes well for the year to come.

[Katie]

Gretchen, I don't know if you were just spilling your guts or if you intended this to be a profoundly moving post...either way, it resonates deeply. Be reassured, what you are doing is worthwhile and good, and in the process you are touching many of us in very positive ways as well. Thank you. :)

Unrelated, I just ran across this link and was very affected by it in the personal happiness department: http://www.christinekane.com/blog/you-teach-people-how-to-treat-you/

(You know, I'm always running across things I think might interest you, but I don't want to inundate you with email. Maybe you could set up a Happiness Suggestion Box on the site, where people could paste links, book titles, etc. they think might contribute to the Happiness Project.)

[Deb]

I'm new to blogs (that's what happens when you're in your 50's and live in rural VT). But I find something useful in so much of what you share. Thank you. I went and looked at the other blogs you mention. There's so much good stuff out there. But when do we stop looking at the blogs and live our real lives? I struggle with having access to all these great helpful reminders about living life simply and with gratitude and then just going out and doing it. How does everyone find the right balance between reading the blogs and living life? Thank you.

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