Sometimes money CAN buy happiness – and sometimes, not; or, The "expensive-gym-membership effect."

One of my revelations from the Happiness Project is that most people don’t spend enough time thinking about how money could buy them some happiness.

If you spend money thoughtfully, in the right way, it can do a lot to boost your happiness.

However, today I want to explore a familiar situation in which money does NOT buy you happiness. I’m trying to think of a snappy name for it, but because I haven’t come up with one yet, let’s call it the expensive-gym-membership effect.

The expensive-gym-membership effect is when you pay money for something in order to force yourself to make time for a priority.

Because you want to make yourself go to the gym, you pay a lot for a membership, with the thought, “Gosh, this costs so much, I’ll feel like I have to go to the gym!” Guess what. You won’t. The expensive-gym-membership effect is how gyms stay in business. They can’t afford to have a treadmill for every member, but they know a lot of paying members will never show up.

If you find yourself paying for something but not using it, ask yourself, “Why?” You may be buying something to try to nudge yourself toward a goal to which you’re not wholly committed.

For example, the Big Man kept bringing home books about the Middle East, then not reading them. “You know,” I told him, “I don’t think you’re actually interested in reading about the Middle East. Maybe you think you ought to be interested, but you’re not.”

But the expensive-gym-membership effect doesn’t apply only to situations where you’re trying to get yourself to do something that you don’t really want to do. Sometimes you’re trying to encourage yourself to make time for something fun.

Maybe you buy a new tennis racket, because you want to play more tennis. You buy a fancy camera, because you want to start taking more photos. You buy lovely bath oils, because you want to start taking a nightly relaxing bath. I myself went to three stores to hunt down Mod Podge, because I wanted to experiment with decoupage.

I bought that Mod Podge months ago, and I’ve never used it. Merely spending money on something doesn’t do much to push you along. You have to decide to make an activity a priority. Probably the reason you’re not taking long baths isn’t because you don’t have the right bath oil, but because you have three kids and no time. You buy the bath oil as an expression of your desire to change something in your life – but that purchase won’t do it.

I try never to buy something unless I foresee using it within a week. If I’m buying a pair of pants, would I wear them within a week? If I’m buying a photo album, would I be putting photos in it in a week? If I’d asked myself that about Mod Podge, I would have had to answer “no.” I liked the idea of doing decoupage, but in truth, I couldn’t foresee making time to do it.

This can be a tricky line, because sometimes buying things is part of laying the groundwork necessary for a new activity. You might feel more comfortable going to a yoga class for the first time if you were wearing the appropriate kind of clothes – and therefore, you’d be more likely actually to go.

I think the mistake comes when people try to make the purchase as a way of giving themselves the momentum they need – but purchases rarely do that. If you want to play more tennis, concentrate on finding the time on your calendar, not on finding the right racquet at the sporting goods store.

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There's a terrific new blog, an offshoot of the fantastic 43 Folders. It's called the Petri Project, and it covers subjects related to personal growth from a variety of angles. I found it for the first time yesterday, and that post really hit home, because it was all about asking for help -- and one of my most helpful Secrets of Adulthood (see left column) is "It's okay to ask for help." Why is this so hard? Read the post for a discussion.

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Comments

[adora]

My friend kept postponing getting married because she's too fat to have the wedding of her dreams. She pays a gym/spa place $700 a month for a bride-to-be prep course. It doesn't stop her from overeating or motivate her to get more exercise. She only goes to the skin care part of the course. It's been 2 years and she's only gotten bigger.

My own "expensive-gym-membership" is phone card. I thought I would call my overseas friends if I have a better rate. There's always an excuse, "It's 11pm in Tokyo, he might be sleeping already." or "It's Saturday in Thailand, she's probably not home." I've gone through 3 expired completely unused cards. Guilty!

[Reese]

I must point out that you skipped a step in your mention of The Petri Project. The Petri Project is a companion to http://43Things.com, which is an offshoot of 43 Folders.

[J Dawg]

Awesome article !! "You may be buying something to try to nudge yourself toward a goal to which you’re not wholly committed." This is pure gold, you really found the issue.
Good article.

[Beth]

"You buy the bath oil as an expression of your desire to change something in your life – but that purchase won’t do it."

I think you hit the nail on the head here. The caveat that I would offer is this:

If you recognize the desire to make the purchase as a desire to change something in your life, and act on the desire to change first, the purchase can then be a great motivator. In this example, the hypothetical mom has to realize that the nightly bath may be unrealistic, but that it's totally feasible to negotiate with her spouse so that each has an uninterrupted once-weekly "date with myself" time. Then, buying the oils becomes all about anticipation, not guilt or frustration. (And the reciprocity can be a pleasure instead of a chore too - Dad's Night can also be Mom & Kids' easygoing movie-and-pizza night. That goes back to framing and attitude!)

[LaurieM]

Yep. That's a good thought to keep in mind. I like the idea of asking myself if I will use it in a week.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Reese -- thanks for pointing that out. I almost typed the "Petri Dish" and was distracted by nearly making that mistake, that I made entirely different one! Thanks for the correction.

Great point -- making a purchase to be motivated by anticipation, like laying the groundwork, is a great way to use money to help boost happiness. But as you point out, the secret is to make the purchase follow the commitment, not push it.

[MJ]

This explains my art supplies. Untouched for 2 years now though I think of using them all the time (and never make the time to do so).

[The One True Josh]

My approach to this is to try to do new things with drastically substandard materials. I figure if I'm able to make do in worst possible scenario, then I'm clearly in it for the ACTIVITY, not for the STUFF.

Theoretically, when I get the good tennis racquet (having earned it by playing with the cheapest one I could find), then I should get a jump in skill with the better equipment. That doesn't always work out, but it turns out to be a motivator both to practice AND to put off the eventual purchase!

[HP van Duuren]

Actually to buy something to 'Pave the Way' to go do something, sometimes might be an excellent way to go.

If you want to exercise and you have bought a pair of nice jogging shoes that are starring at you all the time, it might eventually help!

For what money is concerned I think that to have money is very useful, to make yourself or other people (buy my eBooks :))HAPPY. unfortunately a lot of people have 'Second Thoughts' about money.

On the one hand they like the idea of having a lot of money, (who wouldn't you would say) although on the other hand they also have all kinds of 'unconsiouss' blocks about actually having money or resistance about getting money. Thoughts like 'Money is the root of all evil', 'Money doesn't grow on trees' and a zillion other bad thoughts about money that couses difficulty to align with their goals of having money. Making their goals somewhat 'uncertain'. Like wanting to drive a car with your foot on the brakes!

It goes without saying that there are people that do bad things with money, but there are also a lot of people doing good things with money, or give money to charity etc. etc. So it's not the money it's the people that are good or bad, not the money.

If you look at it that way, it will be a lot easier to use money for a HAPPY, HEALTHY & RICH LifeStyle. If you agree with this and passed this station, you might wanna go 'Full Speed' and have a look at some great info on my Blog on this topic.

On it you can find a nice package that has some real interesting and insightful 'Case studies' about certain people that made an Incredible amount of money on the Internet, in fact a Ridiculous amount of money!

All the Best,
HPvD.

P.S. (It's great to receive feedback, so comments are highly appriciated.)

[Diana Bartling]

I recently realized that I was watching way too much television...mostly decorating shows. We are planning to build a new house next year so I am getting our present house ready to sell. I found myself watching so many shows to get ideas that I wasn't really accomplishing anything. So...I went out and bought a speaker system for my ipod to pave the way for working around the house. I turned off the television, turned on the music, and have accomplished so much!! Money may not be able to buy happiness, but in my case it certainly bought productivity!

[Matthew Pianalto]

This is interesting. Thanks. So, sometimes we can find ourselves that express values we don't actually have (but perhaps think we ought to have, or want to *appear* to have, e.g. the Middle East book). This shows that the issue goes much deeper than the question, "What should I spend my money on?" but all the way to the question, "What is really important (to me)?" If you can't answer the second question, either because you don't know what's important or (worse) you don't know who you are, then there's no reason to hope for an answer to the monetary question.

[Wayne]

Ummm, 43folders and 43things are completely unrelated:
"The recent volume of email, calls, and IMs about a single issue makes me think it’s time to state something publicly and explicitly: 43 Things is not related to 43 Folders in any way. Full stop."
http://www.43folders.com/2005/02/09/the-popularity-of-that-prime-number/

And the Petri Project is related to 43things:
"As a companion site to 43 Things, The Petri Project aims to discuss (observe, chart) what it looks and feels like to be an individual trying to make a change."
http://petriproject.com/about/

[adora]

This comic strip says it all.
http://www.comics.com/comics/fminus/archive/images/fminus2007062036616.gif

[Stan Law]

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