A new and perhaps slightly grim way to mark a wedding anniversary: "Unthinkable Day."

Recently the Big Man and I had to make changes to our wills, and zoikes, there’s nothing like seeing the words “LAST WILL AND TESTAMENT” in that lawyerly, old-fashioned typewriter-style Courier font, to act as a memento mori.

Tomorrow is our wedding anniversary, and although it’s an unconventional way to celebrate, a great tradition would be to use our anniversary as a prompt to do an annual review of our situation, should the worst befall. Are our wills up-to-date? Do the Big Man and I have access to the financial information that the other person routinely handles? Etc. (For example, I know offhand that the Big Man has no idea where I keep the tax information or the kids’ birth certificates. I should probably mention that to him.)

I read this idea in Lynn Caine's memoir Widow, about her experiences after her husband died when she was in her forties. She was left with two children, 9 and 5, and no idea how to handle the situation.

Every couple would have different concerns, but questions could include pensions, insurance, debts, guardianship of children, what the plan might be if income level or childcare arrangements had to change dramatically.

For the Happiness Project, I’ve read lots of accounts of cancer, sudden death, and other catastrophes. One common theme is how horrible and difficult it is to deal with cold logistics at a time of shock and grief. Being organized and knowledgeable would a comfort.

Repeating this review once a year, in the normal course, would keep it from seeming morbid – instead, it would be an ordinary expression of family responsibility. Also, because no one enjoys this kind of exercise, it would help to have an anniversary as a reminder that it needed to be done. Otherwise, it's one of those tasks that's always on the to-do list, but never tackled.

Lynn Caine calls it "Contingency Day." Or maybe Unthinkable Day, or Be-Prepared Day, or Hourglass Day…

Although it seems like a supremely unromantic activity, looking at our wills made me feel overwhelmed with love for the Big Man. I was so grateful for the fact that he was alive and healthy. I imagine that Unthinkable Day would do this every anniversary.

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Comments

[Mike Sporer]

Funny you should mention anniversary and Last Will and Testament together. My wife and I are doing the Will, Dual POA and things like that right now. 9/15 is our anniversary (28 years).

Happy anniversary to you and the Big Man! Many more.....

[Gretchen Rubin]

Thanks very much!

You are so responsible, doesn't it feel good to get all that in order? Glad that you mentioned Power of Attorney, I should have included it -- also talk about things like ORGAN DONATION which everyone should discuss (and do).

[Lisia]

I felt drained and depressed after my husband and I finally got round to rewriting our wills last year - so awful making arrangements for the children for if we both die! Definitely not something I want to look at every year. But I can absolutely see the point of making time to communicate about those tasks that each of us do for the family - finances, insurance ... the computer!! My husband is a computer whiz and Free Software enthusiast. Much of the software on our computer is the latest unstable version. I delight in the luxuries my husband's expertise brings - like a light that flashes on the keyboard when I have email, and the computer automatically recording my favourite radio programme - but when something goes wrong (which is fairly often) I am completely at sea. I often think that if my husband died, the computer would soon become dysfunctional.

[Jeri Dansky]

I just wrote about this in my latest newsletter at http://www.jdorganizer.com/2007-09newsletter.html; scroll down a bit.

There are some products out there which will prompt you for all the information someone else might need to know if anything were to happen to you - and provide either paper notebooks or computer templates to record it all.

[John W. McKenna]

Gretchen

You’ve been tagged for the “Does Most Leadership Suck Challenge”. Check the link for details.

Take care...

JWM

[Modern Worker]

"Big Man" is a cute name for your husband, I like to see that kind of affection still exist in this world =) Best wishes to the both of you.

[David]

I like Lynn Caine's name of "Contingency Day" for the annual review! Kudos to you & the Big Man for reviewing and updating the "documents".

When "First Lady" and I began signing all the documents, it was very sobering and hit us with our mortality. That feeling was quickly replaced with the knowledge our desires and wishes will be carried out. Also, the documents provide a peacefulness of not having to remember if we told someone and what was said.