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  • Just drop me an email. The first part is grubin (then that familiar symbol). The second part is gretchenrubin (then a period, then a com). Sorry to be convoluted--because of spam.

Every Wednesday is Tip Day.

Secrets of Adulthood.

  • The best reading is re-reading.
  • Outer order contributes to inner calm.
  • The opposite of a great truth is also true.
  • You manage what you measure.
  • By doing a little bit each day, you can get a lot accomplished.
  • People don’t notice your mistakes and flaws as much as you think.
  • It's nice to have plenty of money.
  • Most decisions don't require extensive research.
  • Try not to let yourself get too hungry.
  • Even if you think they're fake, it's nice to celebrate Mother's Day and Father's Day.
  • If you can't find something, clean up.
  • The days are long, but the years are short.
  • Someplace, keep an empty shelf.
  • Turning the computer on and off a few times often fixes a glitch.
  • It's okay to ask for help.
  • You can choose what you do; you can't choose what you LIKE to do.
  • Happiness doesn't always make you feel happy.
  • What you do EVERY DAY matters more than what you do ONCE IN A WHILE.
  • You don't have to be good at everything.
  • Soap and water removes most stains.
  • It's important to be nice to EVERYONE.
  • You know as much as most people.
  • Over-the-counter medicines are very effective.
  • Eat better, eat less, exercise more.
  • What's fun for other people may not be fun for you--and vice versa.
  • People actually prefer that you buy wedding gifts off their registry.
  • Houseplants and photo albums are a lot of trouble.
  • If you're not failing, you're not trying hard enough.
  • No deposit, no return.

Happiness theories I reject.

  • Flaubert: "To be stupid, and selfish, and to have good health are the three requirements for happiness; though if stupidity is lacking, the others are useless."
  • Vauvenargues: “There are men who are happy without knowing it.”
  • Eric Hoffer: “The search for happiness is one of the chief sources of unhappiness.”
  • Sartre: "Hell is other people."
  • Willa Cather: “One cannot divine nor forecast the conditions that will make happiness; one only stumbles upon them…”
  • Alexander Smith: “We are never happy; we can only remember that we were so once.”
  • John Stuart Mill: “Ask yourself whether you are happy, and you cease to be so.”
  • G.K. Chesterton: “Happiness is a mystery, like religion, and should never be rationalised.”
  • Solon: “Let no man be called happy before his death. Till then, he is not happy, only lucky.”

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This Wednesday: Eight writing tips from Flannery O'Connor.

FlanneryoconnorEvery Wednesday is Tip Day.
This Wednesday: Eight writing tips from Flannery O’Connnor.

As part of my current obsession with Flannery O’Connor, I recently finished the volume of her collected letters, The Habit of Being.

Her letters were fascinating, and among other thing, included some interesting advice and observation about writing. O’Connor was a very idiosyncratic persion, and this advice is idiosyncratic, which makes it more interesting than a lot of writing tips that I see collected.

1. “Try arranging [your novel] backwards and see what you see. I thought this stunt up from my art classes, where we always turn the picture upside down, on its two sides, to see what lines need to be added. A lot of excess stuff will drop off this way.”

2. “I can discover a good many possible sources myself for Wise Blood but I am often embarrassed to find that I read the sources after I had written the book.”

3. “I suppose I am not very severe criticizing other people’s manuscripts for several reasons, but first being that I don’t concern myself overly with meaning. This may be odd as I certainly believe a story has to have meaning, but the meaning in a story can’t be paraphrased and if it’s there it’s there, almost more as a physical than an intellectual fact.”

4. “I’m a full-time believer in writing habits…You may be able to do without them if you have genius but most of us only have talent and this is simply something that has to be assisted all the time by physical and mental habits or it dries up and blows away…Of course you have to make your habits in this conform to what you can do. I write only about two hours every day because that’s all the energy I have, but I don’t let anything interfere with those two hours, at the same time and the same place.”

5. “That is interesting about your reading some Shakespeare to limber up your language before you start; though I think that anything that makes you overly conscious of the language is bad for the story usually.”

6. “It might be dangerous for you to have too much time to write. I mean if you took off a year and had nothing else to do but write and weren’t used to doing it all the time then you might get discouraged.”

7. “This may seem a small matter but the omniscient narrator NEVER speaks colloquially. This is something it has taken me a long time to learn myself. Every time you do it you lower the tone.”

8. “I know that the writer does call up the general and maybe the essential through the particular, but this general and essential is still deeply embedded in mystery. It is not answerable to any of our formulas.”

*
A good sense of humor is a huge help when you're faced with someone who is annoying you. If you're struggling with someone who has written a passive-aggressive note directed at you, perhaps fantasizing about posting that note on the Passive Aggressive Notes website would cheer you up. For your happiness's sake, I wouldn't recommend actually POSTING a note there, but it sure is fun to read them.

*
New to the Happiness Project? Consider subscribing to my RSS feed: Subscribe to this blog's feed. Or sign up to get email updates in the box at the top righthand corner.
If you're starting your own happiness project, please join the Happiness Project Group on Facebook to swap ideas. It's easy; it's free.

Comments

I especially loved the part, "but this general and essential is still deeply embedded in mystery. It is not answerable to any of our formulas.”

Too much of the stuff I've been reading about self-development leaves out the mystery of life. I find that stultifying.

Fantastic post. I heart O'Conner and I heart these tips.

Excellent post, and I'm going to find my copy of Flannery O'Connor's book, which I bought long ago, and read it!

The Flannery O'Connor book that most blew my mind was WISE BLOOD. I can't even talk about it. It is so short, and so simple, and yet it operates so far beyond any known system. Reading FO's letters showed me that she thought the book was FUNNY, too -- and it is funny, that's the crazy thing.

I agree with #6. If I have all the time in the world, the more likely I am to put off writing, but when I have to actually make time, then I write.

Loved this post! Thanks!

If you get a chance, I hope you'll check out my blog, Aberration Nation: http://penelopeprzekop.blogspot.com/

I think you'll like it based on your focus. I'm going to add your link on my blog list and ... I'll be back!

I've loved Flannery O'Connor since I took a course on Southern writers in graduate school: an amazing writer and woman. The book you've mentioned is one of those on my list to read, so it was a treat for you to pull out some of the "nuggets" for us. Numbers 2, 4 and 7 stood out for me. Number 2 because it reminded me to be true to what I know to be true first and to write from the heart, Number 4 because writing takes discipline and ritual, and Number 7 because I hadn't thought about it before but this makes so much sense! Thank you, Gretchen.

Been reading this blog since months and I gotta say, there are always great posts here.
As for the tips, number 4 is probably the most striking one, and it's the only one I already knew.
It's just so damn hard....

Fantastic post! Thanks for sharing!

I'm going to read Flannery O'connor now (I'm French so I never read anything by her, but i will now).

Vic

Wow, I'm actually new here...and I love the concept...I always think that I have lived in the darkness for 20 years...I believe it's time for a change...

This is my first find of your site - glad to see Flannery O'Connor - I'll keep reading.
Did you see this at Atlantic Monthy Magazine?

What Makes Us Happy? June 2009
http://www.theatlantic.com/doc/200906/happiness

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My earth-shattering happiness formula.

  • To be happier, you need to think about FEELING GOOD, FEELING BAD, and FEELING RIGHT, in an atmosphere of growth. Clunky, but it works.

My second ground-breaking insight into happiness.

  • One of the best ways to make yourself happy is to make other people happy. One of the best ways to make other people happy is to be happy yourself.

9Rules

  • 9rules

LifeRemix

  • LifeRemix

What started me thinking.

  • "Whoever is happy will make others happy, too." Mark Twain.
  • “There is no duty we so much underrate as the duty of being happy.” Robert Louis Stevenson
  • "Martha, Martha, thou art careful and troubled about many things: But one thing is needful: and Mary hath chosen that good part, which shall not be taken away from her." Luke 10:41-42
  • “Imaginary evil is romantic and varied; real evil is gloomy, monotonous, barren, boring. Imaginary good is boring; real good is always new, marvelous, intoxicating.” Simone Weil
  • “What a wonderful life I’ve had! I only wish I’d realized it sooner.” Colette
  • “It is easy to be heavy: hard to be light.” G. K. Chesterton
  • “A man’s first care should be to avoid the reproaches of his own heart.” Joseph Addison
  • “For the love of God and my Sisters (so charitable toward me) I take care to appear happy and especially to be so.” St. Therese
  • “Best is good. Better is best.” Lisa Grunwald
  • “All severity that does not tend to increase good, or prevent evil, is idle.” Samuel Johnson
  • “I must do the work that I am best suited for…” Edward Weston daybook
  • “Order is Heaven’s first law.” Alexander Pope
  • “How slight and insignificant is the thing which casts down or restores a mind greedy for praise.” Horace

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