The Happiness Project: An early New Year's Resolution, in honor of Christmas.

THE HAPPINESS PROJECT is the memoir of the year I spent test-driving the wisdom of the ages, current scientific studies, and lessons from popular culture about how to be happier – happily, it was a #1 New York Times bestseller. As one of the hundreds of experiments I've conducted, I started this blog. Here, I recount my daily adventures in pursuit of happiness. –

Gretchen Rubin

Twelve Personal Commandments

Four Splendid Truths

First: To be happier, you have to think about feeling good, feeling bad, and feeling right, in an atmosphere of growth.
Second: One of the best ways to make yourself happy is to make other people happy; One of the best ways to make other people happy is to be happy yourself.
Third: The days are long, but the years are short. (click the link to see my one-minute movie)
Fourth: You’re not happy unless you think you’re happy.

30-Second
TV Commercial

What Started Me Thinking

"The best way to cheer yourself is to try to cheer somebody else up." Mark Twain
“There is no duty we so much underrate as the duty of being happy.” Robert Louis Stevenson
"Martha, Martha, thou art careful and troubled about many things: But one thing is needful: and Mary hath chosen that good part, which shall not be taken away from her." Luke 10:41-42
“Imaginary evil is romantic and varied; real evil is gloomy, monotonous, barren, boring. Imaginary good is boring; real good is always new, marvelous, intoxicating.” Simone Weil
“What a wonderful life I’ve had! I only wish I’d realized it sooner.” Colette
“It is easy to be heavy: hard to be light.” G. K. Chesterton
“A man’s first care should be to avoid the reproaches of his own heart.” Joseph Addison
“Best is good. Better is best.” Lisa Grunwald
“Order is Heaven’s first law.” Alexander Pope

Happiness Theories I Reject

Flaubert: "To be stupid, and selfish, and to have good health are the three requirements for happiness; though if stupidity is lacking, the others are useless."
Vauvenargues: “There are men who are happy without knowing it.”
Eric Hoffer: “The search for happiness is one of the chief sources of unhappiness.”
Sartre: "Hell is other people."
Willa Cather: “One cannot divine nor forecast the conditions that will make happiness; one only stumbles upon them…”
Alexander Smith: “We are never happy; we can only remember that we were so once.”
John Stuart Mill: “Ask yourself whether you are happy, and you cease to be so.”

An early New Year's Resolution, in honor of Christmas.

In honor of Christmas, and inspired by my love of making New Year's resolutions (well, I love making resolutions anytime, actually), I resolve not to say anything critical of the Big Man to anyone -- other than to the Big Man himself, and I'm going to try to resist doing that, too.

But no behind-the-back complaining, barbs masked as jokes, or exasperated asides. It's not helpful, it's not nice.

Posted December 24, 2007

Comments

AKA, "Pray with your ears."

_/\_, Thayne

Posted by: Thayne | December 24, 2007 at 02:27 PM

That's a beautiful resolution.

May you and your husband always find joy in each other's company.

Posted by: Juggling Frogs | December 24, 2007 at 02:40 PM

Can I jump on this bandwagon? This is something I need to do better, too. I resolve to not say negative things about my husband. Thanks for inspiring me to resolve this!

Posted by: Louise | December 24, 2007 at 04:04 PM

We like to get issues out in the open and deal with them straight away and not let them build up. This may be temporarily unpleasant, but being able to say whatever is on our minds makes us happy.

Merry Christmas and I hope you and your family have a wonderful holiday!

Posted by: Ria Kennedy | December 24, 2007 at 05:08 PM

Can I jump on this bandwagon? This is something I need to do better, too. I resolve to not say negative things about my husband. Thanks for inspiring me to resolve this!

Posted by: Louise | December 24, 2007 at 07:10 PM

You're an inspiration Gretchen. I just vowed to do the same and challenged each of my immediate family to follow suit.

I will have progress in my life this year and it won't come from pushing others aside, especially those that are near and dear to my heart.

Posted by: Rick Dickerscheid | December 26, 2007 at 01:35 PM

And how do you propose to do this? It is a complicated endeavor... you have to stay present, in the moment to notice the irritation, you have to engage with the irritation and understand it, you have to be willing to let go.... What are the to do items that will help you achieve your resolution?

Posted by: Helen | December 26, 2007 at 03:21 PM

Bravo! Not only will you be making yourself and your husband happier, you will also be making all of your friends and acquaintances happier too. I always feel badly when a friend is complaining about his/her partner (and here I don't mean a real confiding of problems or issues, but the backstabbing recitation of annoyances we all fall prey to). Have you read A Complaint Free World? Good luck!

Posted by: Debra | December 26, 2007 at 07:51 PM

What an excellent resolution. I find myself making the same kind of "jokes" about my husband. I have resolved to stop too. Thanks!

Posted by: knitandrunjournal | December 28, 2007 at 01:01 PM

I am getting married tomorrow. As a Catholic I have to go to confession before the wedding; which is a mass with different parts added on then the usual mass but looks about the same. In any case, I think the Father has his own happiness project. My "penance” was to say thank you for five things before I got married and to do something nice for each person in my family on the day of the wedding. In particular he suggested that I forgive them for messing up some part of the wedding plan, because family is more important then the plans. It reminded me of some of the things you post here.

Erica

Posted by: Erica | December 28, 2007 at 03:07 PM

Gretchen: My blushes! A quick scan through the blog id'ed the 'Big Man' in question; I had assumed different viz the season. Still works for me--in fact, if I may appeal for a do-over and resubmit my little thought for this post: "You'll never solve anything by talking about other people."

_/\_, T

Posted by: Thayne | December 29, 2007 at 05:56 PM

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Gretchen Rubin is the best-selling writer whose book, The Happiness Project, is the account of the year she spent test-driving studies and theories about how to be happier. Here, she shares her insights to help you create your own happiness project.