It’s Friday: time to think about YOUR Happiness Project. This week: Make a list.

Not long ago, I had an epiphany – happiness projects for everyone! Join in! No need to catch up, just jump in now. Each Friday’s post will help you think about your own happiness project.

One thing I’ve noticed with my own Happiness Project is the power of making all sorts of lists. I’ve become zealous about keeping a to-do list. I've listed my ever-growing Secrets of Adulthood in the left column. I check my resolutions chart daily (email me at grubin {at} gretchenrubin {dotcom} if you’d like to see them).

Making these lists keeps me focused on my priorities. Reading the list over and over keeps my priorities uppermost in my mind. And it’s surprisingly FUN to do.

I’ve noticed all sorts of interesting approaches to these kinds of lists. A to-do list is the most common kind, but a list can be so much more. It can be a statement of philosophy, or a collection of favorites, or set of life instructions. A humble list can be an important instrument of self-examination.

Most important to me are my Twelve Commandments (see left sidebar).

On his terrific blog, Work Matters, Bob Sutton has a sidebar of “Fifteen Things I Believe.” Among them, “Sometimes the best management is no management at all -- first do no harm.” “Indifference is as important as passion.” “In organizational life, you can have influence over others or you can have freedom from others, but you can't have both at the same time.” In a concise, interesting way, Sutton sums up his work philosophy.

Madame X of My Open Wallet has a list of “My Rules.” Her rules cover eighteen items, such as “Credit cards,” “Shopping,” “DIY vs. PAY,” and “Who do you think you are.” These sum up her attitudes towards money, saving, and spending.

An excellent site, Day Zero: Home of the 101 Things to Do in 1001 Days Project, leads you through the process of setting 101 goals and committing to completing them in 1001 days (the site even has a calendar calculator, so you can figure out the date). It also has some terrific tips for successful goal-setting.

43 Things, of course, is a great place to get inspiration.

On Our Happiness Project (a blog I love for obvious reasons!), the three contributors posted their own list of personal commandments.

I recently received an email from a reader who plans to keep two lists: one list of self-improvement goals that will evolve; one list for happiness goals that will never change.

It’s also very satisfying to make lists of favorites: favorite movies, favorite books, favorite traditions, favorite songs. You can also put a twist on it, to make it more interesting.

For example, I’m making a list of my favorite transcendent scenes from movies, moments where I felt a big jolt of pleasure at seeing someone perform some exceptionally kind or generous act -- just because it gives me so much pleasure to call these scenes to mind.

I love the scene in Boogie Nights when the main character, Dirk Diggler (Mark Wahlberg) and his friend Reed Rothchild (John C. Reilly) eagerly ask the porn producer (Burt Reynolds) if they could make a different kind of porn movie, with plot and character. Burt Reynolds pauses and reflects, then agrees to take a chance on their vision. In the context of the movie, this is thrilling.

A reader emailed me that she was making a soundtrack of her life—the songs that conjure up each particular stage. That would be a very satisfying kind of list.

I’ve always been fascinated by the process of pulling ideas apart and trying to convey them in lists, Q-and-A format, True or False questions, or any other kind of very concise structure. I even managed to do that in my two biographies, Forty Ways to Look at Winston Churchill and Forty Ways to Look at JFK.

I find the process of pressing ideas into these compact forms intensely satisfying; people's minds absorb information differently, depending on how it's delivered.

For that reason, I LOVED Chip and Dan Heath’s book, Made to Stick, about why some ideas “stick” and others don’t. On their blog, a professor recounts how he changed a class on digital signal processing more “sticky” by forcing himself to identify the three core ideas he was trying to teach, and designing his course around those ideas.

Making a list is a way of figuring out your core ideas—about goals, about memories, about a subject that interests you.

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I just cracked open the December 17 New York magazine, the “Year in Culture” issue, and was thrilled to see that John Leonard’s TV round-up listed my sister’s new television show, Women’s Murder Club, as #1, as “Best new show” and described it as “genius.”

Not only that, but the show her husband worked on, The Shield, was listed as #3, for "Best Bad-Faith Scuzzball."

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Comments

[Chris]

Dear Gretchen - As a life and leadership coach in part of my real life, I thank you for the Happiness Project, particularly Friday YOUR Happiness Project days. I'm hooked and am referring you to everyone. I have had some experience with the tyranny of to-do or goal lists that can actually move us away from happiness by turning us into little human doings instead of human beings. I recommend to my clients that they couple their lists with an intention of how they'd like to "be" while "doing" the list: generous, thorough, efficient, thoughtful, patient, etc. Then the list takes its real place in the grand scheme of things and all the people around us don't suffer as much. Thank you so much for contributing to my happiness project.

[Michelle]

Hey Gretchen,

I love your blog, and have been digging deeper into it since Thanksgiving when I found it, I think from the NYT. Your links are great, too.

But your mention of your sister's TV writing career made me wonder how you fit the idea of personal happiness into a world that's full of injustice and pain(I realize that there are more serious tragedies in life than the writer's strike. That just happened to be the connection that made me think of the larger question...). Any thoughts on suffering, fighting the good fight, etc...

[adora]

Making list is therapeutic. It makes randomness in life more manageable.

The list on "My Open Wallet" is amazing. I guess I've already knew all about it, but seeing it summarized with graphics made it a lot more "sticky".

I have a "happy list" on my blog which I started about 2 years ago. There are now 61 items on the list, and still growing! Everytime I find something joyful, I add the item to the list and read it from the top again. You could say that is my area of refuge.

[Louisa]

In general, I like your blog and your ideas. However, tonight I found it anything but happifying. Live and learn. I will never again link to anything the New Yorker has to say. Guess I'm just not into images "so stark that even a Republican" can understand them.

Some folks can't prove how smart they are without being hateful.

But then, YOU found this article so great that you linked it on your post. Maybe my happiness and yours are incompatible. Yep.

[Martha]

Thanks, Gretchen. I'm starting to realize that one of my "Be Martha's" is that I have to go to the theater on a regular basis. It's my church. It really is. Another one is this: sending postcards gives me joy. So I love this season. Cards-a-palooza.

[Julie Ann]

I am a new fan of "Women's Murder Club"! - who is your sister?

[Gretchen Rubin]

Hi Louisa -- it took me a few minutes to figure out what you were referring to!

I'm sorry you were offended by the New York magazine article (not the New Yorker). I linked to it because of the great review of WOMEN's MURDER CLUB and THE SHIELD.

Adora -- I checked out your blog. I love your list of "What I Learned." lots of good stuff there.

Zoikes, the issue of personal happiness in a world of pain is a BIG one and one that I've thought a lot about. I need to do a whole post on that and clarify my thoughts...

And I'm so glad to hear that the YOUR HAPPINESS PROJECT is proving useful. I think everyone should have one!

[Brenda]

My question is how is everyone organizing all their lists that they have going on simultaneously?

[Helen]

I made lists for each of my children. At different times, each had developed a propensity for tantrums typically brought on by lack of sleep, lack of food, or general irritability with the world. My 8-year old daughter's list includes: ask for a cuddle, take a bubble bath, take a nap. My 12-year old son's includes: lie on bed with ipod, ask for someone to play a card game, walk around outside. It has been so useful to have them refer to the list especially when coping with the "post-sleepover blues". I realized the value when my daughter witnessed one of my tantrums - she put her hands on her hips and said that I needed to ask for a cuddle!

[MikeTheory]

Lists Rule! I have quite a few lists that I maintain and plan on many more. My favorite list is the did-do list, as it just makes me happy to keep track of all the little things I accomplish. If you are new to the concept of the did-do list check out my short post about it at http://miketheory.com/2007/07/15/the-best-list-ever-the-did-do-list/

[Hanna]

Lists are great fun, and you can also learn a lot about yourself if you make "personal" lists about what you like, what inspires you and so on. I just signed up at nozbe.com - it looks like something I will use! Gretchen, have you read the Get things done book? Do you use oranization methods of any kind?

I think a great place to store your lists is in a notebook or diary!