It’s Friday: time to think about YOUR Happiness Project. This week: Join or form a group.

Not long ago, I had an epiphany – happiness projects for everyone! Join in! No need to catch up, just jump in now. Each Friday’s post will help you think about your own happiness project.

One thing is absolutely clear: a key to happiness is having close relationships with other people. Everyone, even introverts, are happier when they interact with other people. People enjoy activities more when others are involved. Having lots of close relationships makes it far more likely that people describe themselves as “very happy.”

Despite this, a study showed that Americans today have fewer friends than they’ve had in the past, and they have fewer contacts from clubs and their neighborhoods.

One way I’ve found to strengthen my relationships – and to achieve many other happiness resolutions, as well – is to form or join groups.

For example, following my resolutions to “Be Gretchen,” “Bring people together,” “Make time for fun,” and “Show up,” I started a children’s literature reading group, which has been a great source of happiness. I joined an existing book group when I moved to New York City, and that’s another major source.

Being part of a group brings you closer to other people. You have a common activity to pursue. You have a shared interest in a subject or activity. Often groups provide “an atmosphere of growth,” because you’re learning something new (in a painting class) or pursuing a worthwhile activity (volunteering at a soup kitchen) together.

Also, studies show that group membership helps people feel connected and gives a real boost to satisfaction and personal confidence. It’s a way to interact with people who share your values.

A group can be a way to enjoy an activity you find fun. Did anyone see the episode of The Office where the Pam, Toby, and what’s-his-name formed the “Finer Things Club” so they could enjoy discussing literature and eating off real china at work? Fun sounds a bit frivolous, but research shows that regularly having fun is a key factor in having a happy life. People who have fun are twenty times more likely to be happy.

Joining or forming a group is also particularly useful if you want to create accountability for yourself. People join Alcoholics Anonymous and Weight Watchers, for example, to keep themselves accountable.

You can form a group around any challenge. A reader emailed me that she’s part of a “goals group” which meets every two weeks so members can track their progress and support each other “with inspiration, motivation, and fun.” A friend of mine was in a goals group made up of people who wanted to switch professions. Talking about goals, getting encouragement and advice, and reporting back to the group makes it easier to work toward a goal.

I hope that by joining the Happiness Project group on Facebook, people will feel inspired to create and follow their own Happiness Projects. An internet group isn’t as satisfying as a real, live group, but I think it’s still useful.

Now, a lot of people say, “I don’t have time to form or join a group.”

If you can’t meet once a month, how about every six weeks? Once a quarter? Semi-annually?

Or maybe you form a group that meets just one time. My father-in-law helped organize a dinner for a bunch of people to talk about fly-fishing. He had a lot of fun. Maybe the group will meet again someday, maybe not, but it was still enjoyable.

In fact, if you don’t have much time, I find that being part of an organized group is a very efficient way to strengthen relationships. Instead of having to take the initiative to see the group members individually, I know I’ll see them together.

Socializing individually is more intimate, but there are also benefits to socializing in a group. In the groups I’ve started or joined, different members have pulled in their friends, and through this, I’ve made new friends. In a phenomenon called “triadic closure,” people tend to befriend the friends of their friends – and this is very satisfying.

Friendships thrive on inter-connection, and it’s both energizing and comforting to feel that you’re building not just friendships, but a social network.

So ask yourself: what’s something that would bring you happiness?

Spending more time bird-watching? Quitting smoking? Studying the New Testament? Playing water polo? Switching jobs? Keeping your happiness-project resolutions?

Form or join a group around this subject. It will really make you happy.

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One of the most thought-provoking books I've ever come across is Georges Polti's The Thirty-Six Dramatic Situations. He distills all plot into 36 situations. Most of the allusions are to French literature, and I've often thought that a fun thing to do would be to try to slot all my favorite books and movies into his categories.

I just discovered a site that lists the 36 situations (plus one), and also randomly generates one particular situation to help a writer overcome writer's block. Very cool. I'm not clear on the name of the site or who is responsible for it, so I'm sorry not to be giving credit to whoever did this.

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If you're starting your own happiness project, please join the Happiness Project Group on Facebook to swap ideas. It's easy; it's free.

Comments

[Ella]

Around the time I returned to work after my first maternity leave, a then-acquaintance started a totally informal email group that included me and three of her other friends. All of us were women lawyers with similarly-aged babies. Three of us were in New York; the other two were in other cities. We chatted via email almost daily for about two years, on topics ranging from child care to fashion to movies. Having the support and friendship of these other women was a great source of happiness during a challenging time in my life, as I tried to get my bearings and adjust to life as a working mother. We've since drifted apart, but I have a real soft spot for the other "mommies," as my husband calls them, and the two New Yorkers in the group remain among my closest friends. So I really relate to the idea that one can find happiness in groups - even if the group is virtual most of the time!

[Kristin]

I second the comment about virtual groups being good, too. There's a reason I spend a lot of time on livejournal. I've met so many wonderful people there who share my interests, via "communities" and through mutual (LJ) friends. My life is better for knowing a lot of those people.

One of my New Year's resolutions is to "get involved." Volunteering, taking classes (educational, creative, or physical exercise), joining the community band... I want to meet people and do fun stuff at the same time! I've lived here for nearly a year now and haven't made any new friends, just acquaintences (mostly at work). You're absolutely right to say that knowing people makes you happier -- the only reason I'm not miserable is that my best friend and former roommate from college is here, too. But neither of us has any outside friends, and we need to fix that! For the sake of both of our happiness.

[Tom]

I am wondering why finding/founding a local meetup group was not proposed? There are quite a few groups on meetup.com for just about every niche, and perhaps there's one on there that discusses/does something that might make you happy. Whether that's knitting, reading, or supporting your presidential candidate that you previously thought you were alone in supporting, there's something for you. And if there's not, you can start it.

[Debbie M]

My tip for getting to know more people is to quit moving all the time like I used to.

However, now that I'm a grown-up, I can't just go over to my friends' houses whenever I'm in the mood. We have to make appointments, practically. So now I have several standing weekly appointments with people. These get canceled on a fairly regular basis when things come up, but that's okay because we still get to see each other a lot more often than we would have without these little dates.

I'm in a couple of groups, but I don't feel like it's that easy to meet people in groups. I didn't start to feel like I was really friends with anyone in my ballroom dance club until one of them started inviting a bunch of us to his monthly parties. And I got to know people from weekly ultimate frisbee pick-up games only when a bunch of us went out to eat together afterwards.

So, my other tip for making friends is to invite people from your group over or out for something either related or unrelated to the topic of the group. You can just go around to everyone telling them your plan and see if anyone shows up.

[Kristine Shreve]

I think the suggestion about finding a group is a great idea. I'm not a person who generally joins things, but I do find I'm more comfortable socially when I meet new people under a certain set of common assumptions, like we all like books or cooking, rather than at a party where we just make small talk.

Looks like part of my resolution to settle for more will have to include finding some groups to join.

[m]

I don't think people are TAUGHT that they have to invest time in their relationships and friendships. Especially people in couples. I had to emigrate with my parents as a child and learned the lesson that building up friendship networks is an important part of life work. I arrange parties occasionally (unconventional ones a barbeque for my cats birthday!) send out invites to meet up to see a film, go for a coffee, I email people when I haven't heard from them in a long time, write ! send postcards. Generally people really appreciate being reached out to.

Thanks for your blog Gretchen I don't always agree with your posts but I do enjoy reading it.

[HP van Duuren]

Thanks for your post, in a Book titled: 'Think and Grow Rich' they talk about creating your own 'MasterMind Group' to be able to have a 'Support Network' to be able to help each other to achieve certain goals and discuss specific ideas.

'HP's Happy Blogspot' initial aim also has been to offer some sort of 'Meeting Point on the Net' to duscuss and share, Happy, Healthy & Rich LifeStyle ideas.

It goes without saying that for the INTERACTIVITY I use the Blog itself where people can leave their comments.

On it you can also find a 'Shoutbox' that's a little more flexible and INTERACTIVE than just leaving comments.

Als have a 'Life Chat', although I just discovered that at the moment the life Chat doesen't seem to be working, so this Facebook might be something to look into, to improve the Interactivity of my site.

Also found 'Youcam.com' that looks interesting (even with the possibility to share youtube movies etc. etc.) might offer interesting possibilities, If anybody has other ideas or knows about easy to use 'Widgets' that I can use on my site, feel free to let your 'MasterMind' Speak :)

Hope to see or hear from you soon.

All the Best,
HP

[HP van Duuren]

UPDATE: Now on HP's Happy Blogspot you can find - after a few new improvements - a much Bigger 'Shout Box' than before and
a great LIVE CHAT!!!

A Happy Inspirational 'Meeting Point' on the NET, where you can CHAT :)

There you can Interact with other
Happy 'Vision Vibers', other people that like to join in with:

A 'Happy Master Mind' Group.

All the Best,
HP

[Bob M]

The site that lists Georges Polti's 36 situations (plus one) appears to the work of Julia West.

http://www.sff.net/people/julia.west/index.htp

[Aaron Agassi]

No, groups have become wearisome. No, you where right, in another entry, to be more specific: What is needed is discussion upon the pursuit of happiness in order to give hope. Indeed, better still, I need collaborators to work with. That is the reason for my website: http://www.FoolQuest.com