On Thomas Merton, pride, and why people who think they're morally superior may become major cheats.

Over the weekend, I read Paul Elie’s The Life You Save May Be Your Own. It’s a group biography; I read it because I’m very interested in Flannery O’Connor, and I also wanted to learn more about the writer Thomas Merton – a man who converted to Catholicism at age 24, and become a Trappist monk two years later.

I’d read his memoir, The Seven Storey Mountain (this book led me to my obsession with St. Therese of Lisieux, actually), and for a long time, I’d wanted to learn more about Merton’s life and read more of his work.

I knew his reputation: wonderful writer, very spiritual, dedicated to the monastic life.

So I was absolutely FLABBERGASTED to learn that while he was a monk, he had an affair. When he was fifty-one, in the hospital for back surgery, he met Margie, a 20-something nurse who was engaged to another man. Their affair wasn’t an isolated moment; they exchanged letters (he told her that by writing CONSCIENCE MATTER on the outside, she could keep the letter private), he called her on the phone from the monastary, they met repeatedly. From what I can tell, this situation involved a fair amount of deception and Merton getting others to lie for him and drive him around. For example, Merton had appointments with a psychologist, and he arranged to use the office to meet Margie when the psychologist was out.

Here was a man who was world-famous, during his life, for his dedication to his vows of chastity, obedience, and poverty, and for his devout religious beliefs. I wasn’t shocked, but I was surprised.

As so often happens, just when I was thinking about this, a relevant article floated across my vision: Jeanna Bryner's Oddly, Hypocrisy Rooted in High Morals article on LiveScience.com about a study that showed that people who consider themselves very moral can become very bad cheats, because they believe that their high virtue exempts them from the rules that apply to ordinary folk.

In fact, those with the greatest sense of moral superiority can become the worst cheaters – if they think of themselves as very virtuous, and at the same time, can justify a dishonest behavior (cheating on a test to become a doctor to help others, say).

This may not have been operating in Merton’s case, of course, but it’s an interesting point. Maybe this also explains one of the dangers of pride. Your pride in your virtue makes you vulnerable to vice.

I’ve been thinking a lot about pride; it’s a very puzzling subject. Many of the greatest religious leaders and philosophers warn against pride, but what exactly does it mean to be prideful? And what is humility?

During the saint-making process for St. Therese, for example, the Devil’s Advocate brought up the fact that during her final illness, she made remarks like, “You know very well you are taking care of a saint, don’t you?” and she told her sisters to keep some petals she’d been holding so they could be given to people after she died.

These statements were held up as a sign of presumption – a potential disqualification. But was it? She WAS a saint. It’s like Churchill, who as a schoolboy, bragged about how important he’d be one day: “In the high position I shall occupy, it will fall to me to save the Capital and save the Empire.” And he did!

I want to think much more about it. For now, I’ve decided that rather than worry about acting with pride or humility, I should just try to “Be Gretchen,” which means that I must let go of arrogance and boastfulness, defensiveness and insecurity.

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I always enjoy checking in with Ben Casnocha: The Blog. Ben Casnocha is a cheerful, nice guy with a good sense of humor with a wide range of interests (these qualities may sound a bit dull, but to my mind, there's NO HIGHER praise), and it's always refreshing to dip into his writing.

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Comments

[Mrs. Micah]

Merton always was a wild one.

I think everyone excuses some behavior because it's for a "good reason," whether it's morally superior or not. Whether it's simply a bad habit of eating fattening cookies because they deserve a break or cheating on exams because they'll be a great teacher someday.

[Alice Bachini-Smith]

I just saw the film about Cold War 1980's Germany, "The Lives of Others", and it is quite a lot about this issue. The secret police lie constantly due to believing in their superiority, but the artists also lie for the sake of what they see as the truth, to a morally questionable extent.

On arrogance, I don't think we can tell whether Churchill or Saint Therese were being arrogant when they predicted those things. It's not arrogant to speak the truth about your own talents, or to be a visionary. On the other hand, they may have been being arrogant to some extent!

However, it takes an enormous amount more arrogance to justify doing the very opposite of what you preach, to the extent of being a fornicating "celibate" monk!

(also pertinent to arrogance- I doubt I would feel as OK about making these judgements about saints and monks if I were a Christian, especially a Roman Catholic.)

[beth_nc]

Merton's actions here definitely did not measure up to his stated beliefs/church teaching, but his writing doesn't strike me as arrogant or thinking he's above the rules.

Why do we expect so much more from religious people and political leaders? Why should we be shocked when Merton had an affair? Didn't others who cared about social justice do the same? Didn't FDR have a long-time affair? Didn't MLK have extramarital sex?

Many, many people have illicit sex and lie about it - which doesn't make it right! Many, many people are arrogant, which is not great.
Why do we expect perfection from these guys? They're human and subject to the same temptations and failings as all of us are.

[tasterspoon]

I remember reading not too long ago that for most people, "morality" is highly contextual. You might NEVER steal someone's wallet, but would you fudge a little on your taxes? Bring home some office supplies? Plump up your billables?

Because of context, the case of a great leader having an affair I think is different from the case of practicing, as Alice notes, the opposite of what you claim to be. That's not context, that's a lie.

I think there's also a difference between saying that what you do is okay because it's "justifiable" (i.e. ends/means) versus because it's "not all that bad," or "doesn't hurt anyone."

As for the latter, a friend once gave a great lecture on how cheaply some people will sell their integrity. I.e. that your integrity is priceless, and to give it up for the sake of, say, not correcting a restaurant bill that left out your dessert, means you're selling this priceless thing for just $5.00, and what a tragedy that would be. (I don't think he was saying if you steal you should steal big, I think he was just arguing in favor of being strict and not letting moral slips go because they're "not that bad.")

Food for thought, anyway.

[RichM]

The lives of saints and of the just provide the best arguments against the idea that the Devil gets all the best lines.

[Deaf Mom]

I stumbled on your blog today and just wanted to say that I'm enjoying it! I am hosting a bookclub meeting this month and our book is about happiness. I'll be passing this link along to the gals in the club. :)

[Gretchen Rubin]

Thanks so much for offering to tell your friends about my blog@ I really appreciate it.

Interesting question about whether it's more "shocking" that Merton had an affair than FDR had an affair. I am shocked at neither, because people get up to all sorts of hijinks. Flannery O'Connor gave her stories to a neighbor, and the woman returned them to her, saying, "Them stories just show what some folks WOULD do." I've always remembered that.

Nevertheless, I do find it a bit more SURPRISING in Merton's case. First, because the nature of politicians is to have dominating, seducing personalities, and that's tied in to sexuality.

Second, because as I understand it, a major PURPOSE and organizing principle of Merton's life was the fulfillment of his vows. Therefore, his breaking of them seems like a more central violation.

Human nature is infinitely fasciating.

[Sonia]

This made me think of the "Proust Questionnaire" posed to artist Jasper Johns in the Dec. 2007 issue of Vanity Fair. In response to the question, "What do you consider the most overrated virtue?", Johns replied, "Virtue itself."

Thanks, Gretchen, for your always thought-provoking posts.

[MJ]

This brings to mind the stories I've heard in my white collar criminal defense practice about how certain people can pass lie detector tests because their belief in themselves and their "truth" is so absolute - no guilt or second thoughts to drag them down. Frightening, but apparently convenient in a lot of lives.

[Mike]

I have known many men and women who have taken the vow of chastity, and many years ago I read the Seven Story Mountain too. Am I the only one who finds it liberating to hear that Merton had an affair?

I am happy that 51 year old celibate man could have at least one intimate love. Celibacy may make sense for a year or for ten years, but it is very sad to know men and women who live their whole life without experiencing such intimacy.

[anon P]

C.S. Lewis has said that pride is the worst and most prevalent sin. I've thought about this a lot. Perhaps he thought it was the worst because it allowed the other sins to occur more easily? (If you have a lot of pride, you overlook your transgressions, as the article suggests?)

Merton's behavior is repugnant. Makes his vows and his teachings seem pretty empty. Arranging trysts with a 20-something engaged woman -- how incredibly hurtful to her fiance, and how incredibly disappointing to his students. People say judge not, but detecting hypocrisy seems to be one of the very reasons we HAVE judgment.

[Ella]

This story made me think immediately of Rudy Giuliani. It also made me think of my father's advice to avoid business dealings with highly-religious people of other faiths (or people who are particularly observant members of one's own faith) -- often, such people think it is fine to cheat people outside their own religious group because outsiders are heathens.

[H-Bob]

I would offer a slightly different analysis on cheating by those with strong religious beliefs. If morality is viewed as following the dictates of religious authority (God, priests, the Bible, the Koran, etc.), then the decision-making analysis is whether to obey or disobey the authority(including lawyering about how to interpret the rule, the likelihood of being caught, the potential punishment and the likelihood of forgiveness) rather than whether the proposed action is the proper thing to do [the propriety has already been determined by the religious authority]. Those are very different types of analysis and I think the obedience\disobedience analysis often is very self-centered.

[Jessica]

Was a "dominating, seducing personalit[y]" at least somewhat necessary for Merton to achieve his worldly fame? (rather than living in poverty, chastity ... and obscurity)

[Adrian]

The pride question also comes into the difference between guilt and shame.

Some people would argue that there is a cultural difference - guilt is the feeling that you have done something against your own ethical principles, and usually drives one to compensate or atone. In contrast, shame is the sense that you have disappointed the expectations of others, that you can no longer maintain your status in society.

You can see that in the latter case, you might be able to conceal your actions, and hence never "feel bad" because you haven't lost your status. You might even be able to justify yourself why you acted the way you did.

[Teófilo de Jesús]

Absolutely, what Merton did with the young nurse was completely out of line and unjustifiable under any rubric.

I read about it for the first time on the authorized biography written by Michael Mott, _The Seven Mountains of Thomas Merton_. Then, when I purchased all his seven published diaries, I got "all the dirt" straight from his pen.

For you see, Merton was brutally honest with himself and with others about himself. His merit lies on the gift he had to document his journey through life without omitting anything.

His misadventure with "M" ("S" in the biography) triggers some paradoxical feelings within me, for you see, I am more likely to prefer to receive spiritual direction from a priest who stumbled and then recovered, than from one who confused celibacy with sexual repression and lived neurotically ever after.

My readings of the "real" Merton, the Merton we meet in the journals, also lead me to believe that he would have been the last being on this world to see himself as "morally superior." On the contrary, his life was pretty sordid before he converted to Catholicism and became a monk; he was promiscous, atheistic in that snobbish, condescending way that only the British know how to affect; he fathered a child out of wedlock; the child and his mother probably died during the blitz because nothing else is known of them after WWII; Merton always warned others not to think high of him less they be shocked when a "monk's son" - meaning his own - showed up at the door one day.

In fact, the "old man" in Merton wasn't really quite dead and the "new man" in Christ that he was to be not always fully present within him. This tension, this dissonance, is what made Merton a rich writer and in the end, fully human.

Merton will never be canonized and his figure will never be chiseled in stone or modeled in plaster. He was "too fleshy" for that, artistically and theologically unsound icons of him circulating about notwithstanding.

So, learn from Thomas Merton and don't judge him too harshly. In the end, he died in the Church, a monk. Praise be the Lord for that.

In Christ
-Theo

[Michael Krahn]

Hey,

I just put up a series of posts about Merton that I think you'd enjoy at:

http://michaelkrahn.com/blog/thomas-merton/