Have you ever had to struggle to resist buying some enticing gewgaw as a surprise for your child?

One challenge of parenthood is setting limits on myself.

For her birthday, I gave the Big Girl a giant book of optical illusions. She loved the book—pored over it, looked at it with her friends, kept it out on her beside table. I was so pleased with myself for choosing it.

Yesterday I was in a drug store that had a rack of cheap children’s books. I spotted a book of optical illusions, and almost bought it for her. Then I stopped myself.

She already had a book with 200 illusions; this book probably didn’t have much new. But even beyond that—more of something you love isn’t always better.

In fact, as I thought about it, I wondered if having two books of optical illusions might, in fact, dim her pleasure in the first book. It wouldn’t seem as magical. Also, she’d be more likely to get tired of the subject.

I remember that when the Big Girl was in nursery school, the school head told a story about a four-year-old who had a toy car he loved. He played with it constantly. Then when his grandmother came to visit, she bought him ten toys cars, and he stopped playing with the cars altogether.

“Why don’t you play with your cars?” she asked. “You loved your blue car so much.”

“But I can’t love lots of cars,” he answered.

It’s so easy to make the mistake of thinking that if you have something you love, or if there’s something you want, that you’ll be happier with more of it.

As Barry Schwartz argues in his fascinating book, The Paradox of Choice: Why More is Less, one way to keep yourself from becoming jaded to pleasurable experiences and delightful treats is to keep them as rare indulgences.

That's because one of the significant factors in happiness is the hedonic treadmill, or hedonic adaptation.

People are adaptable. We quickly adjust to a new life circumstance—for better or worse—and consider it normal. Although this helps us when our situation worsens, it means that when circumstances improve, we soon become hardened to new comforts or privileges.

It’s so much fun to bring pleasure to children. The smallest things thrill them. I’ll never forget the look on the Little Girl’s face when I bought her a Little Mermaid electric toothbrush at Target. “For me, Mommy? Is it FOR ME?” She literally clasped it to her heart.

But like other pleasures, the joy of giving a present to a child -- as well as their joy in getting a present -- will become dull if indulged in too often. Not to mention all the other obvious reasons why plying your kids with stuff is a bad idea.

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Leo Babauta of the fabulous Zen Habits has launched a new blog that I've already added to my RSS line-up: Write to Done, about the craft and practice of writing. Great material there for people doing all kinds of writing.

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Comments

[Geng]

What about applying this theory to unhealthy things? Let's say I really need to stop myself from eating so many Pringles. I only indulge in them every so often because they're bad for me. If I go to the grocery store this weekend and buy 10 cans and force myself to eat them all, will I lose interest thereafter?

[poetryman69]

happiness is a choice

peace love light

*****************

Lost in the clouds with Jupiter transcendent

Lost in the clouds with Mars ascendant.

Love Luck and the music of the Spheres.

Azure in the arms of Cerulean

Cast adrift in the Indigo isles

May Angel love and Moon glow light your path.

[beth_nc]

The story about the cars is in Rachel Remen's book _My Grandfather's Blessings_, which you would probably enjoy. Her _Kitchen Table Wisdom_, which focuses on illness, is also very insightful.

[Helen]

I'd love the name of the optical illusion book...I've been trying for a long time to find the one from my own childhood that entranced me for so long.
My secret pleasure is to buy something from the grocery store that I know my daughter or son love - for example, one loves black olives, the other loves spicy foods. It is so much fun to watch them as they put away the groceries and to see their excitement when they spy some treat stowed in there.

[Heather at Grace303]

This is very, very true, and such a good reminder.

[Paige]

I have one child, so it was easy to go "geegaw" crazy in the beginning. Now, I have to stop myself, especially because my daughter's grandparents are somewhat geegaw mad too. And even with the grandparents, I have had to say "It's not necessary to bring her a present or send her a present all the time. I don't want her to become conditioned to expecting gifts everytime there is a visitor. The visitor should be a gift in and of itself."

It's hard though. Right now there's a Sit n Spin that I know she likes, but I'm trying to wait until her birthday in late April. Can't spoil her...mustn't...sigh...

[TwinGrlsMimi]

So true, but hard to resist the temptation to buy my twin granddaughters something everytime I go shopping...However, I don't want the "what did you bring me" syndrome to start everytime I see them! Less is more!!!!

[Liz Jenkins]

I love this post - this is what I deal with personally and professionally. As a parent, I struggle with getting my daughter too many things she really doesn't need or want but I think are really cool. As a Professional Organizer, I see the over abundance of stuff that kids have and the impact it has on the kids. I teach seminars on organizing for kids and my first point is, kids have too much stuff. They can't focus or concentrate on what they love when there is chaos around them. The less they have, the more they play with it and enjoy it.