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My Twelve Commandments

  • 1. Be Gretchen.
  • 2. Let it go.
  • 3. Act as I would feel.
  • 4. Do it now.
  • 5. Be polite and be fair.
  • 6. Enjoy the process.
  • 7. Spend out.
  • 8. Identify the problem.
  • 9. Lighten up.
  • 10. Do what ought to be done.
  • 11. No calculation.
  • 12. There is only love.

If you'd like a copy of my resolutions chart

  • Just drop me an email. The first part is grubin (then that familiar symbol). The second part is gretchenrubin (then a period, then a com). Sorry to be convoluted--because of spam.

Every Wednesday is Tip Day.

Secrets of Adulthood.

  • By doing a little bit each day, you can get a lot accomplished.
  • People don’t notice your mistakes and flaws as much as you think.
  • It's nice to have plenty of money.
  • Most decisions don't require extensive research.
  • Try not to let yourself get too hungry.
  • Even if you think they are fake holidays, it's nice to celebrate Mother's Day and Father's Day.
  • If you can't find something, clean up.
  • The days are long, but the years are short.
  • Someplace, keep an empty shelf.
  • Turning the computer on and off a few times often fixes a glitch.
  • It's okay to ask for help.
  • You can choose what you do; you can't choose what you LIKE to do.
  • Happiness doesn't always make you feel happy.
  • What you do EVERY DAY matters more than what you do ONCE IN A WHILE.
  • You don't have to be good at everything.
  • Soap and water removes most stains.
  • It's important to be nice to EVERYONE.
  • You know as much as most people.
  • Over-the-counter medicines are very effective.
  • Eat better, eat less, exercise more.
  • What's fun for other people may not be fun for you--and vice versa.
  • People actually prefer that you buy wedding gifts off their registry.
  • Houseplants and photo albums are a lot of trouble.
  • If you're not failing, you're not trying hard enough.
  • No deposit, no return.

Month-by-month goals for the Happiness Project.

  • December: The way of perfection.
  • November: Take the extra step.
  • October: Try hypnosis.
  • September: Write a novel.
  • August: Contemplate the heavens.
  • July: Buy a white t-shirt; throw away a white t-shirt.
  • June: Eat a peach.
  • May: Laugh out loud.
  • April: Remember birthdays.
  • March: Start a blog.
  • February: Sing in the morning.
  • January: Clear my closets.

My areas of focus for the Happiness Project

  • 1. Order
  • 2. Marriage and Family
  • 3. Work and Leisure
  • 4. Friends
  • 5. Conduct of Life--Exterior
    (loving-kindness, the duty to be happy, etc.)
  • 6. Conduct of Life--Interior
    (accept myself, live in the moment, etc.)

Happiness theories I reject.

  • Vauvenargues: “There are men who are happy without knowing it.”
  • Eric Hoffer: “The search for happiness is one of the chief sources of unhappiness.”
  • Sartre: "Hell is other people."
  • Willa Cather: “One cannot divine nor forecast the conditions that will make happiness; one only stumbles upon them…”
  • Alexander Smith: “We are never happy; we can only remember that we were so once.”
  • John Stuart Mill: “Ask yourself whether you are happy, and you cease to be so.”
  • G.K. Chesterton: “Happiness is a mystery, like religion, and should never be rationalised.”
  • Solon: “Let no man be called happy before his death. Till then, he is not happy, only lucky.”

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« A fact of life that makes me HAPPY every day. Especially today. | Main | Photographs make me happy, but they’re also making me miserable. »

This Wednesday: Two easy steps for improving your life.

MazeEvery Wednesday is Tip Day.
This Wednesday: Two easy steps for improving your life.

There are two traps in happiness.

The first trap is deciding to make a tiny change when a big change is needed. If you hate your job, figuring out a way to stop working on the weekends isn’t going to solve the underlying problem.

The second trap – and I think the more common trap – is believing that a small change won’t make a difference, that only radical change can make you happier.

I’m constantly amazed by the big boost in happiness I get from small changes. Sometimes, though, it can be hard to identify the places where a small improvement could yield big happiness benefits.

So try these two steps if you feel like you need a happiness lift.

Step one:
Look for one of these…

…for a drawer or closet that’s packed too full to shut easily

…for an accumulation of objects that don’t have a place to go

…for a subject that fills you with guilt (“I really owe my grandmother a call”)

…for a part of your body that hurts or worries you (“That mole looks funny, but I’m sure it’s nothing”)

…for an object that you keep wishing for (“I wish I had a decent knife”)

...for something that you’d like to do, but don’t think you have time to do

…for a friend you haven’t seen in a while

…for an obligation that you haven’t fulfilled (RSVPing to a wedding, sending a baby gift, sending in an insurance form)

Step two:
Take action! Don’t delay. Just pick one item, that’s all. Take care of it. You'll be AMAZED by the effect.

These kinds of things weigh us down. They make us feel trapped and overwhelmed. Tackling small, annoying tasks is energizing – and sweeping the small stuff out of the way makes it seem easier to tackle bigger changes.

That’s why the two happiness traps are related. The need for small changes can sometimes make it feel impossible to make a big change – even when a big change is needed.

It seems bizarre to say that you might find it easier to look for a new job if your kitchen isn’t messy, but I really, truly believe that for many people, this is true.

Samuel Butler wrote, “Arrears of small things to be attended to, if allowed to accumulate, worry and depress like unpaid debts…If we attend continually and promptly to the little that we can do, we shall ere long be surprised to find how little remains that we cannot do.”

*
Lots of great information lately at Dumb Little Man.

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New to the Happiness Project? Consider subscribing to my RSS feed: Subscribe to this blog's feed. Or sign up to get email updates in the box at the top righthand corner.
If you're starting your own happiness project, please join the Happiness Project Group on Facebook to swap ideas. It's easy; it's free.

Comments

Conversely, though, you shouldn't let tackling small problems keep you from the large problem. I, for instance, never get more housework done than when I have a looming writing deadline.

I could not agree with this post more. I often let small tasks build up, and they can make me miserable!

This is so very true. It's very often that there are piles of unclaimed clutter in my house (papers, books, mail) and even though I am usually not the one who made the mess, there is still a really great feeling after straightening up and putting everything in it's place.

I feel like if my desk is cluttered my head feels cluttered and cleaning off my desk can help me think much more clearly.

I agree, I'd have to say like, 90% of the stuff that weighs us down is "small stuff".
Ever read Kaizen? It's got some of that small philosophy in it. I've never read the whole thing but the parts I read were pretty cool.

Some people won't even think about making that large life-changing decision.
Largely out of fear.
And apathy.
They 'accept' their reality.
They give up.
They resign themselves to a life they never planned or wanted.

What upsets me the most is seeing beautiful, amazing, talented people living a life of complete compromise.
They wait for a miracle.
A white knight perhaps.
Hoping that their life might 'turn out' amazing.

They use dis-empowering expressions like "oh well, we'll see what happens", when they could be saying "I'll tell you what's gonna happen... "

But the irony is that by not making a decision, they are making a decision.

And doing one thing can often be enough to unstick you from doing nothing at all and getting the ball rolling on doing more.

Unlike Sprite, I often find that I will not do the housework before doing the writing, because I really needed to do the writing, but I'm stuck on the writing--so at the end of the day, I would have neither done. Whereas if I did a bit of housekeeping, it would unstick my brain and suddenly the writing (or whatnot) seemed that much more manageable. The trick for me is to simply do something, anything, instead of nothing.

God you're so spot on it's scary. Not just in your point but your examples are ME! I'm going to call my grandmother right now...

I just got this e-mail from Jack Canfield
Dear Heidi,

Rhonda Byrne, creator of "The Secret" wrote...

"The shortcut to anything you want in your life is to BE and FEEL happy now! It is the fastest way to bring money and anything else you want into your life."

An acclaimed "Secret" teacher and co-author of six Chicken Soup for the Soul books, my dear friend Marci Shimoff, passionately agrees and has cracked the code on happiness.

Marci's developed a remarkable 7-step process to boost your happiness and the rewards that come with it in her new book: Happy for No Reason.

This book presents a definitive, broad-based approach to becoming truly happy that combines great spiritual depth, top-notch research, and psychological practicality.

I'm certain that if you follow the practices in her amazing new book, you too will manifest a lifetime of happiness.

Marci will guide you through a straightforward test of 20 questions to determine your level of happiness...

You'll then be given a practical 7-step strategy to increase your level of happiness and decrease the risk of slipping into your old habits.

By the time you finish reading Happy for No Reason you'll know how to experience an authentic state of sustained happiness for the rest of your life.

This book should be on every desk... in every office...
every school... every nightstand.

It should be in the hands of everyone you know.

I invite you to Visit her website to learn more about all the great gifts she's giving you, and most importantly, get your copy of Happy for No Reason:
http://www.HappyForNoReason.com/MyBook?aff=JC1HR0108

Affirming Your Happiness,

Jack Canfield
CEO, The Canfield Training Group
Founder, Chicken Soup for the Soul Enterprises, Inc.

Hope you read and review this Happiness book for us :)

Thanks for some great ideas. Just by making a list of those things that are on your mind, you can give yourself an opportunity for happiness. Getting rid of those worrisome items, even one, makes you feel lighthearted and free. Thanks for the timely reminder!

Hi, interesting blog, get to know your blog from CPP.

It seems so simple but it is really effective, many times, when I'm feeling overwhelmed or stress to do anything, that's about the time that I can do something, such as doing my chores, doing laundry or ironing or clearing the stack of papers in my table, and from that I gain much sense of achieving something.

It's a feeling as if I'm doing something useful that day, and it boost my happiness.

Great insights that we often miss out.
Don't feel overwhelmed in life, take and pursue your dream, one step at a time!

Smile,
Robert

Actually, this reminds me of a great article by some professor (if I only I could remember who) who said that what he achieved in life, he accomplished by leveraging the power of procrastination i.e. he would always have the 1 big project he really really didn't want to do and then have several other projects that would get done purely because he was avoiding working on the main one. I *love* this idea! If one is a class A procrastinator (like, ahem, me), might as well have it work in my favour...

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My earth-shattering happiness formula.

  • To be happier, you need to think about FEELING GOOD, FEELING BAD, and FEELING RIGHT, in an atmosphere of growth. Clunky, but it works.

My second ground-breaking insight into happiness.

  • One of the best ways to make yourself happy is to make other people happy. One of the best ways to make other people happy is to be happy yourself.

LifeRemix

  • LifeRemix

What started me thinking.

  • "Whoever is happy will make others happy, too." Mark Twain.
  • “There is no duty we so much underrate as the duty of being happy.” Robert Louis Stevenson
  • "Martha, Martha, thou art careful and troubled about many things: But one thing is needful: and Mary hath chosen that good part, which shall not be taken away from her." Luke 10:41-42
  • “Imaginary evil is romantic and varied; real evil is gloomy, monotonous, barren, boring. Imaginary good is boring; real good is always new, marvelous, intoxicating.” Simone Weil
  • “What a wonderful life I’ve had! I only wish I’d realized it sooner.” Colette
  • “It is easy to be heavy: hard to be light.” G. K. Chesterton
  • “A man’s first care should be to avoid the reproaches of his own heart.” Joseph Addison
  • “For the love of God and my Sisters (so charitable toward me) I take care to appear happy and especially to be so.” St. Therese
  • “Best is good. Better is best.” Lisa Grunwald
  • “All severity that does not tend to increase good, or prevent evil, is idle.” Samuel Johnson
  • “I must do the work that I am best suited for…” Edward Weston daybook
  • “Order is Heaven’s first law.” Alexander Pope
  • “How slight and insignificant is the thing which casts down or restores a mind greedy for praise.” Horace

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