It’s Friday: time to think about YOUR Happiness Project. This week: give something up.

I’m working on my Happiness Project, and you should have one, too! Everyone’s project will look different, but it’s the rare person who can’t benefit. Join in -- no need to catch up, just jump in right now. Each Friday’s post will help you think about your own happiness project.

The First Splendid Truth is that to think about happiness, we should think about feeling good, feeling bad, and feeling right, in an atmosphere of growth.

Examining each of these elements is ESSENTIAL to happiness.

Sometimes, we all know, something that makes you feel good also makes you feel bad. These things demand a special look.

One argument I hear a lot, from people interested in happiness, is that “It’s better to focus on the positive. Instead of telling yourself ‘no’ or ‘never’ or ‘don’t,’ focus on what you want, and be moderate.”

This is a good point to keep in mind, but I don’t agree that it’s always true. Sometimes it feels good to say, “I’m going to stop!” “No more!”

Also, personally I find that it’s easier to give things up altogether. Moderation is pleasant to the wise, but I’m more like Samuel Johnson, who remarked, “Abstinence is as easy to me as temperance would be difficult.” In other words, I can go cold turkey, but I can’t indulge occasionally.

So this Friday, see if there’s something you want to give up, or stop doing. And give it up.

I did this recently. I read Gary Taubes’s book, Good Calories, Bad Calories, and I became convinced, finally, that I had to stop eating so much fake food. Last year, one of my New Year’s resolutions was to give up fake food, and I hadn’t been able to keep that resolution. But somehow reading the Taubes book last month shifted something in my thinking.

I have to admit that my friends laugh at my definition of “fake food.” I haven’t given up Diet Coke, or candy, or frozen yoghurt. All of which I consume in enormous amounts.

But until I gave up fake food, I was also eating a lot of Snackwell’s cookies, Glenny’s 100-calorie brownies, sugared cereal in single-serving packages, Quaker Oats bars, etc. “You haven’t given up all fake foods – you’ve given up food that comes in crinkly packages,” a friend explained.

It feels GOOD. I miss my fake food, but now that I don’t eat it, I realize that I’d been feeling quite bad about eating so much bad food. It weighed on my mind. Also, fake food was crowding out healthy food. I’d think, “I could have a bowl of vegetable soup – or I could have a package of Snackwell’s cookies! I want the cookies!”

Have I lost weight? No. Do I feel healthier or more energetic? No. But I feel happier, freed from those bad feelings about knowing that I wasn’t eating well.

Also, as the happiness experts tell us, just making a decision and sticking to it is a source of happiness. It gives us a feeling of control, of efficacy, of responsibility. Also, any positive change enhances the “atmosphere of growth.”

I’ve asked around, and here are some things that my friends have given up in the last year, and report being happier for having done so:

-- grabbing treats from Cinnabon in airports
-- buying things on eBay
-- sleeping until noon on Saturday
-- owning a television
-- drinking wine
-- checking TMZ.com more than once a day
-- buying bottled water
-- getting the latest cell phone
-- eating cereal
-- sunbathing

Obviously, people’s choices will be different. Just because someone gives up TV doesn’t mean we all need to give up TV. But if you think you’d be happier without a TV, give it up! It sounds all renunciatory and Spartan, but it can feel good.

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I always find something thought-provoking and/or hilarious when I read Michael Melcher Reports -- particularly because we're both former lawyers (well, really, once a lawyer, always a lawyer, so I suppose I should say "non-practicing lawyers").

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Comments

[Chris]

Having booze in the house. It used to be that if I wanted a drink, I went out to a pub. For some reason that has become no longer true.

[Mrs. Micah]

I'm giving up some of my browsing time. But I'm doing it so that I'll actually have the time to write. Which is a positive reinforcement.

[Linda]

I didn't exactly resolve to do things, but I have. I don't buy bottled water anymore, and don't check my work e-mail at home. Both for the better.

[Josh]

-bottled water
-no sugar based snacks at work
-eating out at any time other than Friday/Saturday nights

As a result, the wife and I are losing weight and saving money.

[Megan]

When I moved into my current place, about a year and a half ago, I didn't subscribe to cable TV. Which meant I had no broadcast TV at all. Since then, TV watching has been "Netflix or nothing."

It was a choice based on frugality that had a philosophical savor to it. When that level of frugality is no longer necessary to reach my financial goals, I'll re-evaluate -- but dollars to donuts, even if I resubscribe to cable I'll still watch less than I did before.

[Melissa]

as someone who is vegetarian i am faced with this question a lot. don;t you miss eating burgers? or fried clams? or whatever....my husband too, as he is vegan is subject to endless questioning about why he is vegan and what he eats and how can he live without cheese.

it has been about 10 years that we have not eaten meat. and when we started i think we did it to "feel right". it felt right when we were in college to practice compassion and to be making a stand about animal welfare and factory farming, ect.

but at some point the "feeling right" turned into habit which turned into true happiness. we are happy to live this way, to eat this way. it does not feel like deprivation- it feels normal and it feels good.

[Mike O]

Over the past few years, I've 'given up' a fair amount- primarily spending on myself for nonessentials- so I can take care of my new 'family' described here:
http://mzungumike.wordpress.com/category/family/

But, it's not fair to say I gave up anything; I gained a lot more than I given, no matter how much I try to give more. I've gained a far more positive outlook and I certainly complain less. My new attitude has helped me and my family through the serious and continuing medical problems of my college-aged son.

My suggestion for increased happiness; give up something for yourself, then use the resources to help someone who truly needs it.

BTW: loved your short film. Very applicable when your kids are healthy; even more so when they are not.

[Stephen]

Great website! (Came here via Instapundit's link to your video.)

Re the topic of cold turkey vs. moderation, from the SF Chronicle's year-end article (http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/c/a/2007/12/30/LVICU3740.DTL) on dieting:

“Women could probably learn some things from [men]," said [Weight Watcher’s Karen] Miller-Kovach. "Men will just cut something out, like no ice cream, whereas women will go on a low-fat ice cream. Women tend to do a lot of substituting, whereas guys will cut out the beer rather than going to a light beer. The little bit of research that's been done shows the man's approach is better."

[John]

Great article! Sacrifice certainly is a virtue but please don't take away my fake food! Really though, it is food for thought (sorry) and is a great suggestion for me personally.
And thank you for your poignant video.Incidentally I work for the transit agency pictured in the first frame and have driven that bus line many times. Hopefully I contributed to an experience such as what you portray.

[John]

Great article! Sacrifice certainly is a virtue but please don't take away my fake food! Really though, it is food for thought (sorry) and is a great suggestion for me personally.
And thank you for your poignant video.Incidentally I work for the transit agency pictured in the first frame and have driven that bus line many times. Hopefully I contributed to an experience such as what you portray.

[Harry]

I just watched your short video. Very well done. I commend you for having the wisdom to understand that moments are precious.

I actually came here to comment on your video, but I appreciate your page here. You are blowing away all my stereotypes about New York people.

[D, Baker]

Great film, Gretchen! You're gaining the insight and wisdom of a grandparent.

I took mine fishing when he was four, at a lake near his home. He was very excited, bubbling with the magic of sunfish and whales.

When we reached the small dock, he could hardly contain himself, hopping around like the energizer bunny. His first fish was a little guy, like him. We put it back "to be with its mommy."

During our walk home, me swatting mosquitoes, he carrying his magic pole - he looked up and, without realizing it, thanked me right out of the blue: "Grandpa, you know, I dream about you."

[Alex C.]

I have a story to tell about feeling happier as a result of giving up something.

About five years ago, I got a job at a local animal shelter (where I work to this day). At the time I began my job, I was a big-time carnivore. However, the longer I worked at the shelter, the more I became uncomfortable with the fact that I was eating SOME animals at the same time that I was saving OTHERS. I was being irrational. More importantly, I was also being inhumane.

A few of my co-workers were vegans, and I soon joined them. I don't eat meat, dairy products, or eggs. I don't buy clothing made from fur, leather, or wool. Like Gretchen, I've read Gary Taubes's book ("Good Calories, Bad Calories"), so I'm not certain whether my diet produces any dramatic benefits in my health. But I do know that my behavior is now more consistent with my moral code. I also know that no matter what kind of a day I had, at the very least I can go to bed knowing that I did not contribute to the exploitation of sentient creatures.

Veganism makes me happy. I try not to be too preachy about it, but I think the world would be a happier, less-violent place if we all tried to stop causing pain to non-human animals (and not just dogs and cats).

[Jenn]

Great post - I've thoroughly enjoyed reading your blog throughout the past few weeks. I've chosen to give up being a victim, which means I have to give up wallowing in fear. It can be a minute-at-a-time struggle, but it's well worth it.

[Sarah D.]

I'm going to quit 2 things:
Eating after 9:00 P.M.
No TV until 8:30

The TV stays off until I spend time with the kids, make dinner and put them to bed, along with any chores I need to work on-- hopefully and hour of chores per night... this is on the nights we have no extra-curricular activities going on.

[EAC]

I gave up processed sugar. This has been difficult, but not exactly for the reasons I thought it would be. I am a candy addict. I thought I would miss my skittles and starbursts and life savers and twizzlers and rainblow gum balls like crazy! But, because I really went cold turkey - and TOLD PEOPLE about my plan - it has not been so tough. No negotiations, no little bits here and there - just, NO.

I am still getting used to taking my coffee black, though. Such a change from 5 - 7 splendas!

34 days later, is it worth it? YES! This is my one and only life.

[Jenny]

I gave up my diet coke habit (and all other carbonated or "fake" drinks) a few years ago not thinking I would ever be able to make it. I was on a habit of about six cans a day.

Once I cut it out, I noticed a difference in how I felt. I got fewer headaches and less heartburn, and it made the amount of water I drink go up exponentially.

And now, when I do have the carbonated stuff, it tastes HORRIBLE.

That was the beginning of cutting out processed foods, even if they claimed to be "healthy." My, what a difference.