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  • Just drop me an email. The first part is grubin (then that familiar symbol). The second part is gretchenrubin (then a period, then a com). Sorry to be convoluted--because of spam.

Every Wednesday is Tip Day.

Secrets of Adulthood.

  • The best reading is re-reading.
  • Outer order contributes to inner calm.
  • The opposite of a great truth is also true.
  • You manage what you measure.
  • By doing a little bit each day, you can get a lot accomplished.
  • People don’t notice your mistakes and flaws as much as you think.
  • It's nice to have plenty of money.
  • Most decisions don't require extensive research.
  • Try not to let yourself get too hungry.
  • Even if you think they're fake, it's nice to celebrate Mother's Day and Father's Day.
  • If you can't find something, clean up.
  • The days are long, but the years are short.
  • Someplace, keep an empty shelf.
  • Turning the computer on and off a few times often fixes a glitch.
  • It's okay to ask for help.
  • You can choose what you do; you can't choose what you LIKE to do.
  • Happiness doesn't always make you feel happy.
  • What you do EVERY DAY matters more than what you do ONCE IN A WHILE.
  • You don't have to be good at everything.
  • Soap and water removes most stains.
  • It's important to be nice to EVERYONE.
  • You know as much as most people.
  • Over-the-counter medicines are very effective.
  • Eat better, eat less, exercise more.
  • What's fun for other people may not be fun for you--and vice versa.
  • People actually prefer that you buy wedding gifts off their registry.
  • Houseplants and photo albums are a lot of trouble.
  • If you're not failing, you're not trying hard enough.
  • No deposit, no return.

Happiness theories I reject.

  • Flaubert: "To be stupid, and selfish, and to have good health are the three requirements for happiness; though if stupidity is lacking, the others are useless."
  • Vauvenargues: “There are men who are happy without knowing it.”
  • Eric Hoffer: “The search for happiness is one of the chief sources of unhappiness.”
  • Sartre: "Hell is other people."
  • Willa Cather: “One cannot divine nor forecast the conditions that will make happiness; one only stumbles upon them…”
  • Alexander Smith: “We are never happy; we can only remember that we were so once.”
  • John Stuart Mill: “Ask yourself whether you are happy, and you cease to be so.”
  • G.K. Chesterton: “Happiness is a mystery, like religion, and should never be rationalised.”
  • Solon: “Let no man be called happy before his death. Till then, he is not happy, only lucky.”

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« This Saturday: a happiness quotation from Twyla Tharp. | Main | This Wednesday: Six questions to help you stay serene. »

Why Alicia Silverstone’s “Dumbest Celeb Quote” actually gives profound insight into the nature of happiness.

SilverstoneI was in the physical therapist’s office the other day (see the epiphany of Back Spasm) and reading the January edition of Readers’ Digest. Drawing from VH1’s 40 Dumbest Celeb Quotes, a sidebar called “They’re Stars, Just Dim Ones” quoted Alicia Silverstone saying, “I think the film Clueless was very deep. I think it was deep in the way that it was very light. I think lightness has to come from a very deep place if it’s true lightness.”

Now, quoted like that, I admit, Alicia Silverstone sounds a little preposterous. But I think she’s quite right.

A line from the British writer G. K. Chesterton has haunted me for years, and has been one of the major influences on my Happiness Project: It is easy to be heavy; hard to be light.

It’s on the screensaver of my laptop. It’s one of my personal koans. It floats through my head several times a day. It is easy to be heavy; hard to be light.

This is one reason that I love St. Therese of Lisieux so much. She made saintliness seem so light – so effortless, so fun, so happy – that many of her fellow nuns didn’t even recognize her heroic virtue. Even now, when people discuss the style of her spiritual memoir, The Story of a Soul, they criticize her for her sweetness, and exclamation points, and her hearts-and-flowers aesthetic. They don’t understand that she was choosing (I think) to be light.

One mystery of happiness is why some people choose to be unhappy. One answer: It is easy to be heavy; hard to be light. And you don’t get credit for being light. It looks easy and effortless. No one thinks much about you or tries to accommodate you. You get taken for granted.

Same thing with a movie or a book – it seems so easy to do a light movie, with jokes and cheeriness and a happy ending. But is it easier to make people cry or to make them laugh?

Is it easier to be critical or to be enthusiastic?

Is it easier to be fretful or to be satisfied?

Is it easier to yell or to joke around?

It is easy to be heavy; hard to be light.

Zoikes, I bet that G. K. Chesterton and Alicia Silverstone have never come up in the same discussion before, ever.

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I always look forward to checking out Zen Habits. Lots of interesting information of all sorts, mostly in the tips format that I love. Also a fellow LifeRemixer.

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Comments

"It is easy to be heavy; hard to be light."

I definitely dig that quote..

Terrific post, and I agree...it's hard to be "light." Yet it is very important, especially in a work environment where a bad mood can spread quickly.

Oh, and Clueless is based on Jane Austen's Emma--for those considering knocking it! I enjoyed the film.

What a concept! I think that being charming is relevant to being light. Someone who is charming is easygoing, lighthearted, and isn't very emotional. We all know how few charming people there are so it seems that being light is rather difficult and rare.

Being "light" takes more work than being heavy. For example, it's so easy to swear and yell when someone cuts you off but it's more rare when you just let it go. This post has motivated me to become more "light" and happy-go-lucky. I think it goes with one of my favorite quotes:

"Don't take life too seriously. You'll never get out of it alive."

Thanks, I needed that. I was just thinking about ditching my own "happiness project" blog because I don't think my colleagues will get it. But this post reminded me that happiness is worth posting about.

So true, so true. Gretchen, thank you for this -- it's an "invisible" truth few realize.

One of the most profound movies I know--Groundhog Day---is light and funny. Repeated viewings only make me appreciate the film-maker's craftsmanship more. Lightness' close cousin is comedy. It's appropriate to dust off the English actor's famous deathbed quote, "Dying is easy, comedy is hard."

Not only is Clueless based on Emma, it was also directed by Amy Heckerling, who usually does a great job of making deep (but light) movies. I would say that Ms. Silverstone hit it just about right, and the geniuses at Reader's Digest should do a little research before calling other people's remarks "dumb." In this case, it was clearly easier for them to be snarky and critical than to look for something worthwhile to fill the spaces around the articles.

Thanks for your post,

It's funny that you mention Alicia Silverstone, because I once saw a 'framed-in' Photo of Alicia with her autograph on it, hanging on the wall of an office from somebody working at a 'Film Distribution' company, so from that day on I - sort of - followed her carreer.

Alicia also - amung other things - played in a funny movie titled: 'Blast from the past' also a 'Light' movie about an (imagined) 'Heavy' nucliar disaster. How can this possibly be 'Funny and Light?' Well you can find out for yourself by having a look at this movie.

All the Best,
HP


P.S. make sure to be - an Angel - and recoment my site for my 'Light' Daily 'Joke of the Day', 'Funny Quote of the Day' and some serious other 'Happy Stuff'.

P.S.S. Why do Angels Fly...?

Because they take themselves 'Lightly' :)


that is the entire premises for the book "the unbearable lightness of being" by milan kundera
the protagonist contemplates the benefits of both "heaviness" and "lightness" but ultimately arrives at the conclusion that lightness is happiness

That is great. I have often pondered the irony of that point before. I read a quote not long ago - I do not recall the author of it - that said, "Life will be infinitely easier on you if you are hard on it." (or something like that.) In other words if you discipline yourself life will be easy on you. It takes discipline to hold your tongue! It reminds me of one of my favorite quotes:

"You can blame others for you unhappiness or you can be happy."

The hard part is taking responsibility, the easy part is living the life you want.

Beautiful post! :)

The Chesterton quote is succinct and perfect. Optimism is a policy that needs to be maintained:

http://nilesgibbs.com/2008/02/19/optimism-is-a-policy-to-be-maintained/

Apologies if this comment is posted more than once, but it wasn't appearing. Is there a moderation queue?

Ah, the Kundera novel! I read that years ago, and hadn't thought to connect it with the Chesterton quote. I'm going to get it out and re-read it.

Groundhog Day is a terrific example of the same principle. It is really quite didactic, but the context is so comical, it doesn't feel heavy.

Using humor in difficult situations is incredibly tough -- but very effective. This is one resolution that I have really struggled to try to keep, even though it's obvious that it works. It really is hard to be light.

Thanks for a light hearted post about happiness. All the deep self analysis just makes me aware of problems.

Have a nice day. :)

Someone (Sid Caesar maybe?) said, with reference to "light" films; "Drama is easy. Comedy is hard." Whoever it was must have been on the same wavelength as Chesterton. The heavy stuff probably hits more emotional sensors harder, for everyone, but the light stuff hits different people different ways. In other words, its pretty hard to make everyone laugh (or feel good), but relatively easy to make people feel bad. Isn't that a shame!

Yes, Kundera...it would be wrong to say that Tomas (the protagonist) opts for lightness in the end. HP, go back and look at it again.

That said, happiness can be positive by feeling both light as a breeze or heavy as the earth that connects one to family/heritage.

In the end, it is your view of lightness (e.g. soaring or unhinged) that adds happiness to its list of attributes.

What about the movie "The Unbearable Lightness of Being?" What does that mean? In college, I used to think it was the frustration of everyone being so superficial when life is really serious, but that was 20 years ago, and I haven't thought about it since then. I'll have to ponder this and maybe do some internet searching...

This is a nice photo her smile so sweet and her all style is very stagger she is very impress.

I'm with Silverstone. Does anyone remember the name of that Italo Calvino book that everyone loved a few years back? 6 something for the new millenium. That whole book (or one of the six parts, at least) was about lightness/deftness.

I think of things a little different: it takes more bravery to be optimistic than pessimistic. Being "light" or optimistic is definitely a worthy state to pursue.

Insightful post. Yes, I think for many people it can be easier to be heavy than light.

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My earth-shattering happiness formula.

  • To be happier, you need to think about FEELING GOOD, FEELING BAD, and FEELING RIGHT, in an atmosphere of growth. Clunky, but it works.

My second ground-breaking insight into happiness.

  • One of the best ways to make yourself happy is to make other people happy. One of the best ways to make other people happy is to be happy yourself.

9Rules

  • 9rules

LifeRemix

  • LifeRemix

What started me thinking.

  • "Whoever is happy will make others happy, too." Mark Twain.
  • “There is no duty we so much underrate as the duty of being happy.” Robert Louis Stevenson
  • "Martha, Martha, thou art careful and troubled about many things: But one thing is needful: and Mary hath chosen that good part, which shall not be taken away from her." Luke 10:41-42
  • “Imaginary evil is romantic and varied; real evil is gloomy, monotonous, barren, boring. Imaginary good is boring; real good is always new, marvelous, intoxicating.” Simone Weil
  • “What a wonderful life I’ve had! I only wish I’d realized it sooner.” Colette
  • “It is easy to be heavy: hard to be light.” G. K. Chesterton
  • “A man’s first care should be to avoid the reproaches of his own heart.” Joseph Addison
  • “For the love of God and my Sisters (so charitable toward me) I take care to appear happy and especially to be so.” St. Therese
  • “Best is good. Better is best.” Lisa Grunwald
  • “All severity that does not tend to increase good, or prevent evil, is idle.” Samuel Johnson
  • “I must do the work that I am best suited for…” Edward Weston daybook
  • “Order is Heaven’s first law.” Alexander Pope
  • “How slight and insignificant is the thing which casts down or restores a mind greedy for praise.” Horace

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