It's Friday: time to think about YOUR Happiness Project. This week: Shield your joyous ones.

I’m working on my Happiness Project, and you should have one, too! Everyone’s project will look different, but it’s the rare person who can’t benefit. Join in -- no need to catch up, just jump in right now. Each Friday’s post will help you think about your own happiness project.

One of my resolutions is to “Give positive reviews.” I want to show enthusiasm, delight, and a readiness to be pleased – to lay aside my desire to criticize and to indulge in puncturing humor, sarcasm, ironic asides, cynical comments, or cutting remarks.

It’s harder than it sounds.

A prayer attributed to St. Augustine of Hippo includes the line, Shield your joyous ones:

Tend your sick ones, O Lord Jesus Christ;
rest your weary ones; bless your dying ones;
soothe your suffering ones; pity your afflicted ones;
shield your joyous ones.
And all for your love’s sake.

At first, it struck me as odd that among prayers for the “dying” and “suffering” is a prayer for the “joyous.” Why worry about the joyous ones?

Once I started trying to give positive reviews, for the first time, I began to appreciate the people I knew who are joyous. I understood how much effort it takes to be consistently good-tempered and positive.

For example, I remember that one day when we were visiting Kansas City, my father came home from work and my mother told him, “We’re having pizza for dinner.” As she knew he would, my father answered, “Wonderful! Wonderful! Do you want me to go pick it up?”

We all knew that my father would have answered that way even if he didn’t want pizza for dinner, and even if the last thing he felt like doing was heading back out the door. And that kind of consistent enthusiasm contributes a lot to everyone’s happiness.

We non-joyous types suck energy and cheer from the joyous ones. We rely on them to buoy us with their good spirit and to cushion our agitation and anxiety.

At the same time, because of a dark element in human nature, we’re sometimes provoked to try to shake the joyous ones out of their fog of illusion—to make them see that the play was actually stupid, the money was wasted, the meeting was pointless. Instead of shielding their joy, we blast it. Why is this? I have no idea. But that impulse is there.

In his outstanding biography, Samuel Johnson, W. Jackson Bate describes how upset the moody, temperamental Samuel Johnson became when his joyous, enthusiastic supporter, Hester Thrale, turned her attention away from him.

It is a common mistake on the part of cooler, self-contained natures to assume that those who have a giving and ebullient character are what they are only because they cannot help it—that they are fed from a spring that will never stop rather than a reservoir that can be exhausted. Hence the feeling of stark disbelief or unpleasant shock on the part of others when the reservoir of effort and energy—for it turns out to be a reservoir—is almost gone….the principal reward for those who give lavishly rather than meagerly is the expectation that they remain true to form and continue to give.

We depend on the joyous ones, and we need to remember that their joy isn’t inexhaustible or unconquerable. Now I’m making a real effort to use my own good cheer to support and protect the enthusiasts I know.

Shield your joyous ones.

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I'm a big advocate of organ donation, so I was very interested to read this story in Gimundo, about a woman, a Starbucks barista, who is giving her kidney to a regular customer. Amazing.

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Comments

[africankelli]

Fantastic post! Thank you. I am officially starting my own Happiness Project today. Great ideas!

[Michelle Potter]

I think that's definitely an important thing to remember. Why constantly drag down those who are trying to cheer us up?

[Jackie]

This entry almost made me cry-- as one of the joyful ones, I agree wholeheartedly that it can be draining too, and it takes so little to show your appreciation.

[Patsy Terrell]

Thank you, thank you, thank you... Someone understands! I'm one of those people who wakes up happy everyday - not because nothing ever goes wrong in my life - because I choose to be happy. Literally. For reasons I don't fully understand, people seem ticked off that I'm in a good mood. But, they want to draw on that energy, too. It is exhausting sometimes.

[Judi Hale]

Thank you, Gretchen. I read the following account about St. Francis quite often. The saints know/knew we are supposed to strive for Perfect Joy. I enjoyed the St. Augustine prayer you posted. Jaydee

"Perfect Joy"
A Story of St. Francis
St. Francis' preferred method of transportation was walking. He walked everywhere. For him, walking was a spiritual practice. His companion was often Leo, a young, devoted, and good-natured brother in Francis' order.

On one trip, the two were returning to the friary from Perugia on a cold, wet, wintry afternoon. As they walked, Leo, in spite of himself, lamented that he was soaked through, cold, tired, and hungry.

Francis asked him if he knew what perfect joy was.

"No, Father Francis, I do not," Leo muttered, hunching his shoulders against the wind and freezing rain.

Francis said, "If we brothers had all the knowledge in the world and were able to dispense it to the betterment of mankind, would that be perfect joy?"

Before Leo could answer, Francis barked, "No, it would not."

They continued to walk along the rocky road in silence. Then Francis said, "Brother Leo, if we brothers could heal every disease, if we could make the blind see and make the deaf to hear, if we could raise the dead, would that be perfect joy? No. No, it would not."

More silence. Leo squinted into the rain, as confused as he was tired.

"Brother Leo, if we brothers were able to preach so that every person who heard us found grace in God's love, if we were able to convert everyone on earth, would that be perfect joy?"

By this time, although Leo thought that yes, that would be perfect joy, he knew better than to say anything.

"No, it wouldn't," roared Francis. "Mark it well, it would not be."

More silence. They walked for miles. Leo's curiosity was killing him.

"Father Francis, for the love of God, tell me what perfect joy is."

Francis shook the rain from his face and smiled at Leo.

"Ah, Brother Leo, little lamb of God, listen carefully. We are only a few miles away from Portiuncula, our beloved friary. Notice that the temperature is falling. The rain is turning to sleet. When we arrive it will be dark, too. If we knock loudly on the door, should Brother Porter answer, who is old and half-blind, and he should ask us, 'Who are you?' we would say, 'It is Francis and Leo, let us in.' And Brother Porter might say 'You are liars and thieves. Francis is not expected until tomorrow. Go away.' And he would slam the door in our face. That, Brother Leo, is perfect joy."

"But, but, holy father," Leo began. Francis interrupted him.

"And so, after waiting a time, beating our arms and legs to create some warmth against the freezing rain, we pound again on the door, begging to be let in. This time Brother Porter comes to the second floor window and yells at us, 'Be gone, you vermin, do not make me angry,' and he throws a pail of greasy kitchen water on us. It freezes to our skin. That, Brother Leo, is perfect joy."

Leo stared at Francis in disbelief. He even forgot how miserable he was.

"So we wait, Brother Leo, until we can stand it no longer, and we knock again, weeping, crying out to please, for the love of God, let us in, even if it's to sleep in the kitchen hallway, and Brother Porter rushes out with a knobby stick, yelling 'All right, I'll teach you two murderers a lesson,' and he beats us with the stick and throws us into the muddy, icy ditch. Then he bolts the door shut and goes off to bed. That," Francis shouted triumphantly, "is perfect joy!"

Leo was beside himself. "Please . . . how . . . .?"

"Brother Leo, listen to me well. It is easy to find joy in a beautiful day, a good meal, comfortable sleep. And easy to say 'Thank you, God,' for all the good things of life. But Leo, what of the difficult portions of life? Can we be in the depths of despair and still be warmed by God's love? If so, then we know perfect joy. When our souls are in torment, can we say 'Thank you, God' and mean it in our hearts? We should welcome our tribulations for they can bring us closer to God, they can strengthen us. There are no problems, Brother Leo, there is only God."

[Judi Hale]

Just found this great website and I think it is a great 'happiness' place to visit if anyone wants to check it out.

www.BetterToBless.com

[Carol Gottschall]

Thank you for this post. I really enjoyed reading it. I am working on being a happy person and this was inspiring. I am learning alot from your writings.

[Chris Naff]

Oh, Gretchen, this was my favorite post (which is saying a lot--since I love the Happiness Project). I'm sending it to some of my joyous ones. Thank you so much for this.

[Gretchen Rubin]

These kind comments have made me so HAPPY.

It's funny -- when I was getting ready to post this entry, I was really concerned about whether people would know what I was talking about: was "Shield your joyous ones" just too idiosyncratic, would it resonate with other people?

I'm very gratified to see that I struck a chord. And you joyous ones, keep it up!

[heidi]

I loved this post! I wish it could be required reading for so many people every day (myself included)!
Gretchen, I think you would enjoy the Ana Laan song "Happiness is a Long Discipline." She has other ~happier~ more upbeat songs on this album, but this one is explicitly about happiness. She sings "Make love like there's no tomorrow. Happiness is a long discipline." I don't completely agree--I think sometimes I am happiest when I can take tomorrow for granted and not try to cram all my experiences into one day, but I understand this sentiment as well. Thank you for all of your thought-provoking, wise, and well-written posts!

[Kathleen]

Gretchen- Thank you. I am also a joyous one. I choose to be. I choose it every day. I have recently gone through a traumatic breakup because my SO couldn't stop blasting my joy. And yet also unrelentingly drawing upon it like a drowning person in a sea. I felt as if I was being pulled under more every day. I had to go or I wouldn't be able to breathe any more. I didn't know anyone understood.

[DT]

You said: "Instead of shielding their joy, we blast it. Why is this? I have no idea. But that impulse is there."

Graham Greene once wrote (in A Quiet American, I think, but I'm doing this from memory), "Why do we have this desire to tease the innocent? Is it envy?"

I think he's right.

I really like your blog. I'm one of those cynical types who would generally make fun of something like a happiness project, but it's actually pretty wonderful.

[Solomon]

I've been doing the daily gratitude thing for quite a while, but joyous is a new one on me.

[Peter]

"...a waste of time and energy..."
You ended with "even if you think it's a waste of time and energy...". I've realized that the things that make me happy we would call "a waste of time and energy". Running in the woods, making love to my sweetie, dinner with friends with wine, laughing with my colleagues.
My new resolution is to waste LOTS of time and energy...while I can!

[Dean]

I've read only this post, and I already like your blog.

The most joyous people I can think of are children. Six-year-olds think it hilarious when you do something as mundane as emitting gas from your body. They have as much fun jumping in a free puddle of mud as they do playing on a $50,000 playground.

We should all probably be a bit more like six-year olds than we are.