Happiness: Should you have GOALS or RESOLUTIONS?

For my Happiness Project, I always talk in terms of my “resolutions” – my resolution to “Quit nagging” or “Sing in the morning” or “Make time for projects.”

I’d noticed idly that a lot of people talk instead in terms of “goals.” I’d never thought much about this distinction, but yesterday, it struck me that this difference was, in fact, significant.

You hit a goal, you achieve a goal. You keep a resolution.

I think that some objectives are better characterized as resolutions, others, as goals.

“Run in a marathon” or “Become fluent in Spanish” is a good goal. It’s specific. It’s easy to tell when it has been achieved. Once you’ve done it, you’ve done it!

“Eat more vegetables” or “Stop gossiping,” or “Exercise” is better cast as a resolution. You won’t wake up one morning and find that you’ve achieved it. It’s something that you have to resolve to do, every day, forever. You’ll never be done with it.

Having goals is terrific for happiness. The First Splendid Truth says that to think about happiness, we need to think about feeling good, feeling bad, and feeling right, in an atmosphere of growth. Striving toward a goal gives a tremendous sense of growth.

But it can be easy to get discouraged when you’re trying to hit a goal. What if it takes longer than you expected? What if it’s harder than you expected? And what happens once you’ve reached your goal? Say you’ve run the marathon. What now – do you stop exercising? Do you set a new goal?

With resolutions, the expectations are different. Each day, I try to live up to my resolutions. Sometimes I succeed, sometimes I fail, but every day is a clean slate and a fresh opportunity. I never expect to be done with my resolutions, so I don’t get discouraged when they stay challenging. Which they do.

For example, one of my recent resolutions was “No more fake food.” Have I achieved this goal? Well, maybe -- I haven’t had any fake food since I made that resolution. But practically not a day goes by when I don’t fight the temptation. How many times has my hand hovered above a Glenny’s 100-Calorie Brownie? “No more fake food” is a resolution, not a goal.

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One thing I have NOT done in my Happiness Project is to start practicing meditation -- even though a chorus of practitioners and scientists laud it. For example, Gimundo had a very interesting post about how meditation can increase compassion.

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Comments

[Ria Kennedy]

Excellent insight and very helpful way to look at making commitments. Thanks.

[Jackie]

I find that goals are easier to achieve and that it's a progress. If you have a resolution to lose 60 pounds in a year. That can seem overwhelming, but if you set a goal of losing 5 pounds each month it seems easier. You don't just set a goal. You set many that are related. Take running for a marathon. Maybe your first one is a small 5k race and you achieve that goal, when then the next goal can be to strive to run a 10k race.

[Marta]

Good point. "A goal is a dream with a deadline." - Napoleon Hill

Resolutions appear to not have deadlines but you can create mini-tracking points which might help break it up. For instance, around the new year, there's a lot of advice on how to keep your resolutions and it kind of sounds like a goal: to kick or start a new habit you should give it 21 days, then it'll start to become automatic.

[Jennifer]

I never thought of it that way.

I really like how my favorite book "Time Power" breaks it down and makes even the resolutions easy to acheive. There is just nothing like knowing you have made your day worthwhile.

[Healthy Librarian]

You nailed the distinction between a goal & a resolution on the head. Here’s a great acronym for setting goals that we have to do for work. It’s probably all over the corporate world, but I hadn’t heard it before.
Setting S.M.A.R.T. GOALS

S stands for SPECIFIC. Exactly what are you going to do?

M stands for MEASURABLE. How will you measure what you’ll be doing?

A stands for ACHIEVABLE. Is this something you could do with a bit of a stretch?

R stands for RELEVANT. (or realistic) Does this really matter to you?

T stands for TIME. It’s gotta have a due date!

It really makes me think things out carefully & put my money where my mouth is!

[Keri]

Very excellent points.

[Relli]

Good point.
The way I see it: to achieve a long term commitment, you need to set small steps on your way. The small steps can be small goals, that can be measured. Achieving a goal, as small as it is give us the drive to move forward toward the BIG goal.

I am reading the book 'one small step can change your life, the Kaizen way' By Robert Maurer. This book is about taking taking one step at a time. The small steps will lead to the big goal.

To connect it to goals and resolution, you can say that the resolition is a long term commitment that will take many small steps and goals smal to make it a success.

Thanks for that great point!

Relli

[Relli]

Good point.
The way I see it: to achieve a long term commitment, you need to set small steps on your way. The small steps can be small goals, that can be measured. Achieving a goal, as small as it is give us the drive to move forward toward the BIG goal.

I am reading the book 'one small step can change your life, the Kaizen way' By Robert Maurer. This book is about taking taking one step at a time. The small steps will lead to the big goal.

To connect it to goals and resolution, you can say that the resolition is a long term commitment that will take many small steps and goals smal to make it a success.

Thanks for that great point!

Relli

[Greta Dobe]

Goals are resolutions married to action.

[Alex]

Gretchen. I love this blog. I'm currently running a marathon (well, finishing my Master's, on an extension), and I come to your site daily to learn how to keep my daily resolutions that will help me to achieve my goal, in the next 4 months.

[Alex]

Goodness. Not "that will," but ", to". Anyways, you're an inspiration. Thank you.

[Patti]

To me, a resolution is identifying what it is you want to achieve. 'I resolve to eat more healthily' which encompasses a lifetime.

A goal is an aim that has an endpoint, such as 'I will eat three pieces of fruit each day' We move from one goal to the next, as they are achieved.

[Danielle]

Great post :o) I'm having one of those 'why didn't I think of that!?!' moments...here's why:

Just to confuse the semantics, in international development we use a logistical framework for planning, where 'goals' a more general and something to continually strive for. Objectives are specific, and are either achieved or not.

Obviously it doesn't matter what terminology anyone uses - the universal point you've hit on is that we often need long-term, never-ending focal points, as well as shorter-term, achievable steps to take to get there.

It's funny because I've been thinking a lot about how to structure what I've been calling my personal 'goals'...and something just didn't feel right. I never thought of applying the framework that I use at work everyday. Now I know exactly what to do!

(P.S. For anyone who's interested, google "logistical framework" to learn about a great tool for planning...which I now realize can be used for your personal life as well!)

[Nancy Hine]

I agree, I make resolutions for ongoing things like eating healthily and exercising regularly. These are things I intend to keep doing. In a way I feel a resolution is stronger than a goal. A resolution is a long term, maybe life long committment, whereas a goal is just aiming to do something, maybe just once.

Goals can be useful too, but I think its important that they be achievable over a reasonable time frame, or that if you have long term goals you break them down into smaller chunks. I've actually found goal setting can end up making me feel very disillusioned and down if I set goals that are too big. All these books that encourage you to aim for the stars start off being inspiring, but can end up making you feel worse than before you read them when your goals aren't realised. At the moment I'm having a time out on goals (apart from one financial one), as I found they were making me unhappy. However, I do have a number of resolutions.

[Sharyn]

I think of it like this:
RESOLUTIONS are attempts to create HABITS to achieve your GOAL - HAPPINESS.

An aside: I think it would be very interesting for you to experiment with meditation, and let us know about your experience with it.

[Sheryl]

For a long time I put off developing a meditation practice because I thought it was too hard, required to much commitment, etc.
I am a "rules" orientated person so I decided to take a class on meditation in order to understand it better. The instructor suggested that we should start slowly - only 5 minutes a day and then build up if we liked. She said that it was better to meditate just five minutes than not at all and that even if your practice didn't expand past the five minutes a day that it would still make a big difference. That was the key to getting me started. I used your resolution chart to keep track of my progress for the first two months and now have four and a half months of daily meditation under my belt. It has truly made a difference for me.

[MiniExec]

I think of resolutions as value propositions to yourself: they speak to a way we want to live our lives, whereas goals can be ever changing.

[Deonne]

Interesting - I hadn't thought about this distinction, but you're right.

Did you see this new book, The DailyOM? I'm not affiliated with it at all, but it looks like it might be a good tool for creating a happier life.

http://www.dailyom.com/book/letters/bookletter.html

[Ladyexpat]

Interesting post. I've never really thought about them being different, but they definitely are. I see your point as goals ending, and resolutions as ongoing. Good post.

[PNWGal]

Funny you should write about this, I got a copy of your resolution chart and tweaked for my goals/resolutions. Just this month, as my piles are creeping back, I realized that I need to re-tweak because some of the items are more goals rather than resolutions that can't be checked off every day. However, they should be read/reviewed every day to remind me what I want to change/do.

[Gretchen Rubin]

Someone mentioned HABITS...and I've started thinking about how habits fit into goals and resolutions -- how they can help us or hurt us.

Saying that something is a "habit" makes it sound a bit deadening, but actually habits can be extremely useful.

Ok, more to think about. Much to contemplate in these comments!

[Patti]

True, there is a fine line between habit and discipline!

[Linda Zdanowicz]

Hi Gretchen, I'm a little behind in my blog reading so forgive me for commenting at this late date, but I love this post. The way I see it goals are something you decide upon, achieve or release, and then on to the next goal. Having achieved one goal may give you the building blocks or confidence for the next goal, but they are dependent on nothing but your will. For instance, as a cyclist my first goal was a 1/2 metric (about 32 miles). Having accomplished that my next goal was a metric (about 64 miles). Now my next goal is a century (yep, 100 miles) Having completed the first 2 I know I have the physical power and a tough enough tushie to stay on the bike to 64 miles, so I'm pretty sure I can get to 100 miles.
Now a resolution (lifelong) of mine is to lose weight and keep it off. Easier to ride 100 miles. Less involved in making it real. Resolutions often involve complex issues that develop insidiously and must be solved and dealt with at many different levels. It's like taking the problem that you want to resolve and massaging it, examining it and ultimately realizing that there is nothing to do but find the resolve to deal with it every day, not just when you feel like examining it. Much more involved than a goal. That's why I can ride a bike 100 miles ( I think), but I still struggle with achieving and maintaining a weight I am happy with.
Linda

[kadavy]

I've found it useful to write myself "prescriptions" to uphold my resolutions. These are things like "ride my bike somewhere once a week" to just generally remind myself to uphold the resolution of "remember to do things I enjoy." More on this strategy here: http://snipr.com/2a0p2