The happiness of handing in the first draft of my book: strangely muted.

Yesterday afternoon, I emailed my agent the first complete draft of my book, THE HAPPINESS PROJECT. And, I reflected, my research on the nature of happiness told me a lot about my emotions at that moment.

For months, I’d been fantasizing about the moment when I’d be finished with a beginning, middle, and an end. How fabulous I’d feel! How relieved I’d be to hit that milestone! What a relief to know that at least I had a decent framework on which to improve!

But I didn’t get much of a boost of happiness, at all. Why?

The “arrival fallacy” makes us think, “As soon as I finish my draft/get that promotion/buy a house, then I’ll be happy.” Usually, however, hitting that target doesn’t provide that much happiness. Why not?

One reason it doesn’t give a huge happiness boost is that by the time the event occurs, you’ve incorporated it into your life and expectations. In my case, it wasn’t as if I woke up one day and jumped from being one-tenth finished to being completely finished. I closed in on the finish line day by day.

Also, arrival often brings its own worries and responsibilities. Now that I’ve finished my draft, I’ve become a lot more worried about whether it’s any good. Up until yesterday, I was just worried about getting it done.

However, my happiness research has taught me some coping techniques. I’m trying to celebrate this milestone, instead of just brushing it aside. I want to savor the moment and mark it in some way. My mother-in-law gave me a gift certificate for a massage for my birthday, so I’m going to schedule that massage.

Also, because I know I have a duty to be happy, and I know that the people around me are made happy by my happiness, I’m not going to explain to them how handing in my draft actually doesn’t make me very happy. Blah, blah, blah.

Instead, I’m going to underscore the happy feelings it has brought me. “Yes, so great to cross that hurdle, very excited to hear what my agent thinks, so pleased to have tons of time to make it as good as possible,” etc.

So...I'm thrilled I've handed in my first draft! It feels so good to cross that milestone! Onward and upward.

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Erin at Unclutterer and I come from the same part of the country, and she sent me the link yesterday to Kansas City is in Missouri. All of us who hail from Kansas City, Missouri, fight the unceasing battle to establish the Missouri location of Kansas City. I laughed out loud. My favorite section was the Testimonials -- I couldn't tell if they were fake or real.

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Comments

[Erin @ Unclutterer]

Congratulations on finishing your draft! I like the idea of the celebration massage ... now must find something to celebrate to have one myself :)

[Ella]

Congratulations! I look forward to reading it - I have learned a great deal from your blog and very much enjoy your writing. (I hope this does not mean you'll stop blogging!)

[Vickie Feminist]

Recommend the site lots. Today laughed about KCMO, since I grew up on 58th St in KC. And I've made my Happiness Resolutions
Make memories
Do it timely
Get outdoors
Believe I'm the prize
Get physical
Look for my Big Rocks & Nurture them

[Jessica]

I have definitely had that let-down after a big accomplishment. When I handed in my undergraduate thesis, when I graduated from law school.... etc. I always feel sort of down and just want my boyfriend to stroke my hair for a while. :) I think it's totally normal and once you get into a new routine you'll feel happy again.

[Jen @blissnotes]

Congratulations! What a wonderful achievement.

[Terry]

Congratulations on submitting your draft! Not only is it a huge accomplishment, but with this project web site you have involved and benefitted many, many people. As a new comer, I am reveling in all the input on happiness that you have eloquently phrased and evoked from so many.

It seems that the muted happiness with the submission is not only appropriate to the nature of happiness that accomplishment brings, but that you have anticipated such limited happiness with many of the appropriate antidotes.

'Accomplishment,' per Haidt I think (and my over simplified understanding, probably,) seems to be more about relief and social comparisons than the happiness of 'gratification' that comes from pursuing skills or activities, as ends in themselves. This relief of 'accomplishment' and its fleeting nature is mirrored by the neuroscience. It is correlated with a release of pre-frontal cortex activity.

Gratification's happiness comes from the release of dopamine. Like Csikszentmihali's "Flow," the happiness of gratification is a result of matching current skills with appropriate challenges and is measured by meaningful feedback on efforts.

To manage our happiness from accomplishments, we need to anticipate its fleeting nature, make sure our efforts match the expected results, and be wary of bleeding into social comparisons like praise or profit. Happiness from gratification comes from enjoying the process, developing skill,and maintaining the 'meaningfulness.'

It seems you have taken much of this into account. Let me add my applause for all the countless hours you have spent in reaching this milestone of draft submission and my appreciation for the meaningful resource you have developed for yourself and many others like myself.

Thank you!

[Chris Naff]

Yay, Gretchen. Congratulations on your milestone and thanks for sharing what I call in my coaching the "there is no there, there" syndrome. I am happy to hear of your success, though, and like others, slightly worried that you'll stop blogging. I hope your next "there" will include a way for all of us to share your journey.

[Paige]

Congrats on finishing your book! I'm sure it's great and can't wait to read it.

I've learned so much from your site and have taken to incorporating your lessons into my day to day. I already see a change.

[Lizzie]

I, too, loved the "Kansas City is in Missouri" page. (I'm from north central Missouri, myself.) But a wise friend pointed out that every transplanted Kansas Citian she knew was FROM the Kansas side. (And it's true...a lot of Overland Park/Olathe/Shawnee Mission people on the Upper West Side.) And my four year old daughter is sad that we don't live there still so she could see a tornado. (And go to Oz, while we're at it.)

Hey, Gretchen--I'm a big fan!!! Just started my own project a couple of weeks ago. Looking forward to the book.

[Travelinoma]

I like your observation about a milestone having already become part of your life. I have just finished a major project and am having mixed feelings instead of the giant relief I had expected. I think I had made this work part of my identity and now I need a new one.

[sheila]

That's it! I've been trying to explain the concept of "arrival fallacy" to someone but didn't know there was a term for it. I was joking that "I'll be happy when..." is another form of the Big Lie (you know, like "The check is in the mail"?), except it is one that we tell ourselves.

Handing in the book is a milestone, and you are right to celebrate it.

Is it possible that you did not feel a huge happiness boost because handing in the draft is only the start of a process? The initial writing is done, but now you will have to go through the editing and revision process. Perhaps you are not feeling as happy as you expected because you do not enjoy the next phase as much as the initial writing.

[mamacita]

I just ran across this quote, which is so right for you today: "I urge you to please notice when you are happy, and exclaim or murmur or think at some point, 'If this isn't nice, I don't know what is.'" There are more good ones from Vonnegut in the article at The A.V. Club. http://tinyurl.com/27sg54

[Sophia]

Congratulations, Gretchen!
A few weeks ago, I gave my professor the first draft of my doctoral dissertation. The first days afterwards I was so confused and restless. Launching that tome into the world felt like I had given away a part of myself and what made myself.
It´s strange to let go but it´s also such a great beginning of something completely new!

I am so looking forward to read your book!

[Suzyn]

Dooce recently quoted someone saying that the best part of writing a book is when it is over. http://www.dooce.com/2008/02/29/list-sorts

I recently handed in my first draft of a book, and my two thoughts were contradictory: a) "I can't wait to hear what my editor thinks!" and b) "How much sleep can I get in before she gets back to me?" Not exactly "Yay me!"

Thanks for the reminder to celebrate. I've had a bottle of champagne chilling in my fridge for the past 5 years. Seeing as I've had two babies, gotten a promotion, and gotten a book deal in that time, I wonder what kind of celebration I'm waiting for!?

[Mark from MT]

Gretchen, I am one of the silent crowd who subscribes to your RSS feed and checks it regularly. Your posts are very timely and helpful. Congratulations on your first draft! I look forward to buying the finished product. I hope you will continue the site even after you finish the book. Best of luck to you!

[Bill S.]

Great news on the draft. Your post reminds me of when I finished college after years of working full-time so I could pay for night-school. After graduation I had this empty, 'what do I do now' feeling. While working toward the degree I always had 'something' to do, ways to challenge my mind and friends at school. I really think a lot of joy comes from the pursuit of a task, project or goal - achieving a milestone usually makes me hungry for the next. I think there's a lot of joy that results when we "engage" in growth. Now I look back at the lessons I've learned, how much fun it was and try to keep working on the next big thing. Moving forward is the key - each milestone is a step along the way. Good luck!!!

[Mary Anne]

This goes hand-in-hand with this story I read in the NY Times this morning:

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/04/22/science/22conv.html?_r=1&ref=science&oref=slogin

I really enjoy this website :)

Thanks!

[Gretchen Rubin]

Thanks so much for your good wishes and sympathetic comments -- nice to hear that others also feel that lack of big response, even when it seems like you should feel like celebrating.

About that bottle of champagne in the fridge -- this is EXACTLY what my commandment "Spend out" is about (see left column for the commandments). Spend out, use things up, don't save, use what I have, put things in circulation, don't hoard against a moment that may never come.

[LadyExpat]

Congratulations! I'm particularly interested in hearing how this research changed your level of happiness. I guess I'll buy the book to find out :)

[Karen]

Congratulations Gretchen! While I know exactly what you mean about not feeling a burst of happiness, it is a major achievement. In addition to reminding yourself that it's a milestone, remind yourself of 1) the terrific idea you had, 2) the thorough research that went into it, 3) the discipline you called upon to put your nose to the grindstone regularly, and 4) the enormous impact that your website has had on your many readers.

My one happiness tip that I don't remember seeing on your website is to remember to give ourselves credit! Many of us take for granted the amazing things we do, simply because we have done them before or didn't find them difficult, while chastising ourselves for any mistake or weakness. We should do the opposite. Even if the draft isn't as perfect as you'd like, you've put a lot of unique skills and diligent effort into it, and it's time to recognize the achievement.

[Prem Rao]

I have often found that the thrill of anticipating the completion of a task-such as handing in the draft of your book- far exceed the happiness we feel when the task is actually completed.

In a sense, the thrill before is more than the thrill after:)

Congratulations, Gretchen. Look forward to your book.

[Tino Schwarze]

The "missing thrill" phenomenon is interesting, yes. I suppose the cause of it is that we're somehow trained or conditioned to look forward to feeling good (I will feel good, if ..., after ..., whenn ...). Maybe this is an effect of a performance-oriented lifestyle: You have to feel happy _after_ you achieved something or all that performance orientation doesn't work out any more if you happen to be happy all the time!

So, congratulations Gretchen, for all the happiness you enjoyed and spread during writing your book and blog!

PS: I like the Kansas City site as well. It's both funny and serious at the same time. :-)