This Wednesday: Six tips for using mementos to keep happy memories vivid.

Every Wednesday is Tip Day.
This Wednesday: Six tips for using mementos to keep happy memories vivid.

There are four stages of reveling in a moment of happiness, as you:
-- anticipate with pleasure,
-- savor the moment as you experience it,
-- express your happiness to yourself or others, and
-- reflect on a happy memory.

One important way to cultivate #4 is to keep mementos that help you recall happy memories. Here are some tips for using mementos to keep happy memories vivid:

1. BE SELECTIVE. Remember, the more mementos you keep, the less meaningful each one will be. Also, the bigger the collection, the more trouble it is to store and to look through. Choose wisely, and get rid of practically all of your potential mementos. When selecting a memento, choose something small and sturdy over something fragile or bulky.

If you frame a wonderful piece of artwork that your son did in kindergarten, you can enjoy it. If you keep every piece of artwork your son did from pre-school through second grade in a huge box in the basement, you’ll never look through it.

A few items = precious mementos. A huge mass of objects = overwhelming clutter.

2. Keep a one-sentence journal. For two years, I’ve been keeping a journal in which I write one sentence every night. I’d never be able to keep a proper journal, but I can write one sentence. It’s amazing to me how fun it is to read, and how much it does help me remember the past.

3. Photo albums. Although it’s tempting to keep taking pictures and loading them onto the computer, I still think it’s worth taking the extra, burdensome steps of turning some into actual photographs and pasting them in an album, or using an online service to make a digital album. A physical object feels more permanent and precious than a slideshow on a computer screen.

4. Collage. Every few years, my mother-in-law makes a family collage. These framed collages line their hallway, and are a beautiful, absorbing kind of visual diary. She records every major family milestone and captures a period of family life.

5. File box. For the Big Man and me, and for each of our girls, I’ve bought a fancy file box (the kind of box used to transport files). I have a file for each year, and I add keepsakes like the girls’ birth announcements, their birthday invitations, school photos, my sister’s wedding invitation, our family Valentine’s Day cards, the Big Man’s new business card after he switched jobs, the handmade Mother’s Day card I got from the Big Girl, etc. This is a painless way to keep keepsake documents in good order. And what a great thing to give the girls when they grow up!

6. Transformation. I read about one woman who turned her children’s favorite little toys into Christmas ornaments by using gardening wire, and another woman who made a quilt out of patches taken from all her favorite college t-shirts, and another woman who made decorative bed pillows out of her wedding dress. These transformations are a way to hang on to precious memories in a new way. Remember, you don’t need to have the entire memento intact (the dress, the t-shirt), but only enough to cue your memories.

What other strategies to people use? I’m always looking for new ways to keep mementos organized, attractive, and accessible. And compact! Living in New York City forces you to get rid of a lot of stuff, fast.

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I'm a huge fan of Jonathan Clements's excellent column in the Wall Street Journal, and he had a particulary interesting piece today, Down the Tube: the Sad Stats on Happiness, Money, and TV. The effect of TV on happiness is very intriguing. We love TV, and it's the most popular form of leisure -- why doesn't it make us happier? One thing is clear: social connection, novelty, and challenge are MAJOR sources of happiness that aren't well served by TV.

However, this article, like so many others, makes the point that "despite the sharp rise in our standard of living in recent decades, Americans today are little or no happier than earlier generations." This observation is dragged into happiness discussions constantly, without real analysis. It drives me nuts! One satisfaction of writing my book is that I will discuss this at length (consider yourself forewarned).

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If you're starting your own happiness project, please join the Happiness Project Group on Facebook to swap ideas. It's easy; it's free.

Comments

[Tootie]

I loved this post!

Reading #6 made me wish I'd kept my college t-shirts and/or knew how to quilt. :)

I also liked #2, the one-sentence journal. It definitely seems practical - I'll have to give it a try.

Thanks!

[Travelinoma]

When my sister's husband died she used pieces of his shirts to make quilts for each of her young children.

[Steph]

My mom made me one of those T-shirt quilts! I love it, and she's actually going to make another one sometime... I collected quite a few T-shirts over the years.

[DT]

About the TV issue: I don't own one, but I sometimes watch downloaded TV shows on my computer. This used to be something that I did infrequently because I would almost always rather read a book than watch a show. Now that I live with my boyfriend, I watch more shows that I used to and I enjoy it more. I think that's because it now counts in the "social connection" category. When my boyfriend and I watch together, we're snuggled up on the futon and we talk about what we've watched. So TV shows, which I used to find boring, are now something that make me happy!

I'm trying not to fixate on the idea that books are somehow "better" than television. I still read, just a little less frequently. If the idea is to be happy, then I'm doing it right.

[Louise]

I collect lapel pins from places we have visited. They are displayed on a cork bulletin board in the bathroom of our RV. They are small and colorful and usually have a small picture of a key element of the place, such as a tree, bird, mountain, etc.

An old photo of the collection is here:
http://ourodyssey.blogspot.com/2006/01/souvenirs.html
I have at least twice as many now.

I love to look at my pins and remember each place. Some are beautiful and well-designed and others are funny.

[Ria Kennedy]

As always great points Gretchen. Especially the "be selective" one!

There's also "share". I.e., post online, send to grandma, make into a card and send to little friend.

Or Give away the stuff that is good but doesn't make you happy: I had a beautiful porcelain figurine I was always afraid of breaking, so I finally gave it away. I no longer had the stress of keeping it safe, but the recipient was thrilled, which made my day.

With both "share" and "give", you create a positive exchange that may be better than keeping something.

[Bill S.]

Hi Gretchen - I absolutely love your blog! Looking forward to your book too.

Thought I'd share a photo-collection idea that I've adapted from various sites... Print the best ones on quality photo paper (glossy or other finish). Then mount the prints on foamboard (available at Michael's craft store, etc) using double-tack film (Blick's). Carefully trim away the white boarders with a razorknife and metal ruler (a few light cutting strokes works best). The foamboard makes the finished product light enough to hang on walls using tack adhesive putty (Michael's too).

I found this to be an attractive and cheap alternative to picture frames. The putty makes it easy to re-arrange the photos. Updating your wall collages is a breeze; all without having to re-fill nail holes (good for apartments too). This takes a little time and effort, but it is very rewarding to see your photos displayed in a unique style.

I'm not sure about archival quality mounting, so be aware for rare prints. I can easily re-print/re-mount mine if necessary. Also, don't lean too hard into the foamboard 'cause it can dent easily. Enjoy!

[Alex Fayle]

I have a quilt that my mother made that has pieces of shirts I wore when I was a child, plus pieces of wild fabrics I used to remake jeans when I was a teenager.

Thank you for writing this post Gretchen. When I used to work with clients, memories were the hardest and most emotional things to deal with for people. You sum up the reasons NOT to keep too much perfectly.

Cheers,
Alex

[Samantha]

Some things that I have done to keep my memory but not the stuff is to take a picture and get rid of the item. I did that with the shirts I collected over the years. I had one of the quilts before but I never used it so, to me, was the same as having the shirts in a box.

When we buy souvenirs each person in the family gets what they collect. My husband and I collect bells, daughter gets a key chain, and my sons get golf balls and magnets. This way they can have a memory of the place and be able to have it match so it looks nice when displayed to keep the memory alive. I also remind family members that if they want to get something for us from a place they visit then to get something that we collect.

[Laura T.]

I got this idea from a friend & love it. Each year, I make an album for the year on Shutterfly. It forces you to be selective and is an enjoyable way to relive the year as you're putting it together.

Also, there are companies online that will do the quilts for you. You just send them the t-shirts.

Along these lines, I've been meaning to get our family "films" (circa early '70s) edited and transferred to dvd for years. Does anyone know a good service or method for doing this?

[Chris Guillebeau]

Nice article. I especially like #1 - Be Selective. Most of us can probably think of several people who collect so much junk that the value is reduced to just above meaningless.

I find that I save or collect less and less these days, in part due to my nomadic lifestyle but also due to an increasing belief in the power of less. And then, those few mementos that I do keep are truly meaningful.

[Jeri Dansky]

Many great ideas here!

I've written about things that you can make (or pay someone to make) from old t-shirts here: http://jdorganizer.blogspot.com/2008/01/four-options-for-old-t-shirts-besides.html

There are also companies that make quilts from old baby clothes, or from horse show ribbons.

[LadyExpat]

This is a great post. I love the idea of the one-line journal. I'm going to try that.

The memento idea, is good too. While, I'm not totally cured of shopping when I travel, I have learned to buy based on my current lifestyle. I tend to buy a piece of jewelery from most places that I visit. I also have a collection of beautiful oriental scrolls, which I add to whenever the opportunity arises. They're beautiful and relatively easy for me to store and travel with. Since I live the live of an Expatriate, I never quite know where I'll be from one contract to the next.

[Scott]

Wow, Gretchen I really agree with you on this one, especially on printing out the photos and the file box. I have so many photos and I don't need to print tons but should select the keepers and print them regularly - it's too easy to procrastinate that task! Plus, there are really so many people who relate to prints and not to photos posted on the internet so it helps to share your memories with them.

And I have the box of my old stuff, but my kids' stuff is all in a pile. I'm beginning to despair that I'll ever get it all sorted out (4 kids).

[Scott]

Wow, Gretchen I really agree with you on this one, especially on printing out the photos and the file box. I have so many photos and I don't need to print tons but should select the keepers and print them regularly - it's too easy to procrastinate that task! Plus, there are really so many people who relate to prints and not to photos posted on the internet so it helps to share your memories with them.

And I have the box of my old stuff, but my kids' stuff is all in a pile. I'm beginning to despair that I'll ever get it all sorted out (4 kids).

[fchristie]

Gretchen, I find the Happiness Project and your quest very similar to my own. The article you mentioned has raised some interesting points about happiness and our search for fulfillment.

Of note was the statement that the study showed that "engaging leisure and spiritual activities" led us to a more satisfying life. While that may be true, we settle for that over fulfillment, resigned to the notion that happiness is an ideal, not attainable except at fleeting times.

I studied various philosophies, religions, psychology...all gave some insight but none had a plan or answer to the vexing question, "What is the meaning of my life?" This is the unasked question in this article.

I can say that after many years of searching I have found a science, the science of Kabbalah, that provides answers to these questions. I became acquainted with the work of Rav Michael Laitman PhD.

He comments on this article at his blog, refers specifically to the 'engaging leisure and spiritual activities' and provides related material on the topic.

He states, "Soon we will start finding out that even these activities will leave us empty and unfulfilled. We will search for fulfillment in all kinds of places, until we arrive at our last desire: the desire to discover the meaning of life, through the attainment of the Creator."

His comments and related topic material are located at http://www.laitman.com/2008/04/what-do-we-need-for-a-more-satisfying-life/ .

[NancyF]

I had a table runner and place mats made out of sentimental clothes that no longer fit. A great dress I wore on the first day of my first real job. A skirt I loved to go dancing in. A fabulous velvet and silk cocktail dress that one of the great loves of my life gave me one Christmas. That sort of thing. These wonderful folks at Alaska Rag Company in Fairbanks, Alaska helped me create the perfect mementoes.

http://www.alaskaragco.com/

They worked with me by phone and mail!