Happiness is reading a good memoir.

I love reading spiritual memoirs, and memoirs of catastrophe, and memoirs of other people’s Happiness Projects (though they don’t call them “happiness projects,” that’s what they are).

So I was very interested to read Trish Ryan’s memoir, He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not: A Memoir of Finding Faith, Hope, and Happily Ever After. It’s a combo of all three kinds of memoir.

From college on, Ryan was very eager to get married. She lurched through some bad relationships, then made a disastrous marriage to a man with a vicious temper. His temper was so vicious, in fact, that when she decided to leave him, she just walked out of the house one morning. She didn’t bring anything with her, and she kept her whereabouts hidden, until she managed to get a divorce by relinquishing any claim to their marital property. Throughout this time, she was also on a spiritual quest.

When she left her marriage, she moved to Boston, and she ended up joining the Vineyard Christian Fellowship of Greater Boston. My favorite part of the memoir recounts how she embraced the church and Jesus, turned her life around, and married the perfect guy.

This memoir is fascinating, because Ryan is so honest (and a bit kooky). She talks about her longtime belief in astrology; her repeated, classic He’s Just Not That Into You relationship mistakes; her initial reservations about some aspects of the religion she slowly adopted. It’s also very funny.

Also, she accomplishes something very difficult: she writes about her faith, religion, and Jesus in a way that will resonate, I bet, not only with people of the same faith but also with a wide audience.

I’m trying to remember if I’ve ever failed to be enthralled with the story of someone’s Happiness Project. I can’t think of an example. There’s just something so engaging about reading about how people decide to change their lives, and how they go about doing it. People have such wildly different challenges, and undertake such wildly different resolutions to try to turn their lives around.

This is a very, very happy story. I have to say, I got a little teary in the wedding scene. Then I immediately went online to see if there were any pictures of Trish Ryan and her husband Steve on her author website (there are).

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I like checking out the LifeTwo site. They do great round-ups of lots of interesting studies, plus there's other fun material there.

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Comments

[Barrie]

If you are into memoirs then you must read The Glass House! (http://tinyurl.com/47dwvp) A friend loaned it to me a couple of weeks ago and I sort of didn't want to read it but was compelled to in that can't take your eyes away from the car accident that's been holding you up in traffic for 2 hours kind of way.

[Viv]

Hi! I've been a lurker for a while now... just thought I might throw a suggestion out there.

I was thinking that you could have all the stuff after the last asterick, starting with "New to the Happiness Project," in a smaller font... I think it might streamline the presentation of every post, at once minimizing it to regular readers (whose minds will know to ignore the small print they see every time) and bring it to the attention of new viewers, who will notice the break in pace, even if they don't get through the entire post.

[Barbara Holstein]

I love memoirs also. "Eat, Pray, Love" was entralling to me and very uplifting. I felt 'happy' much of the time I was reading it. And that was unusual, as I read it when my cat, Zipi, was sick and I was not feeling always uplifted! A good memoir really takes you in to the person's world and you are enjoying the free ride every minute. I also felt that way about "Tender to the Bone". I was so mesmerized by all the spoiled food that Judith Reikel's mom always had around that I was really there. When people got food poisoning from one of her mom's parties I couldn't stop laughing or sharing the story with others. I grew up in Norwalk, Connecticut so I even personally knew the hospital those people went to. I also have written a memoir. Mine is "Delight" and it is my spiritual adventures combined with my insights as a positive psychologist. I share my very personal and astounding adventures as a Jew returning to parts of Judiasm I had never know. I share in a way that the reader can look for adventures within her own background. The insights are universal, the setting is what the universe sent to me! My purpose is always to teach the reader how to access more happiness in her daily living. Now, I have moved from a memoir to my first fiction, "The Truth, (I'm a girl, I'm smart and I know everything)". Now the voice is a 10-11 year old girl who has wisdom and insight and knows a lot. An easy read, someone said, simple but profound. And yes, again, intended to help women and girls recognize their talents, honor themselves, share feelings and thoughts and to not only have more fun but to feel good inside. I'd be thrilled if you would chat about my latest book!

By the way, I love your blog. Great idea! Can't wait for your book.

Dr. Barbara Becker Holstein, www.enchantedself.com, Positive Psychologist and Happiness Coach

[Jonathan]

nice, good luck.
http://jerusalem2036.blogspot.com

[Lara Kretler]

Gretchen, thanks for the book recommendation, I'll definitely check it out. Like the commenter above, I immediately thought of Eat, Pray, Love while reading this blog entry. If you haven't read it, I think you would love it. Talk about a Happiness Project!

I've been a longtime reader of yours but I believe this is the first time I've ever commented. Thanks for being such a great inspiration.

[Colleen Wainwright]

I love memoirs (and biographies), too. Generally, they're so much more well-written than self-help books, making them...well, far more helpful.

I just read Beth Lisick's Helping Me Help Myself, which, while more of an autojournalistic thingy (she reports on trying out 12 different kinds of self-help over the year), is really memoir-in-action. Really good writer!

[Gretchen Rubin]

I love HELPING ME HELP MYSELF, and I love EAT PRAY LOVE, and I love TENDER TO THE BONE...I'll have to check out DELIGHT. Keep the suggestions coming! I love recommendations and have found lots of my best reading from word of mouth. Of course, I must throw in a mention of THE STORY OF A SOUL. I managed to resist in the main post, but here in the comments, I can't help myself.

To Viv about the final note on each post -- I know it's annoying for returning visitors to see that same welcome message, over and over. Unfortunately, with Typepad, I can't change the font size. I do think it's helpful info for people who are visiting for the first time, and each day, I have some folks who have never been here before. To try to minimize the aggravation, I put it last, after that asterisk, so that frequent visitors know that they don't have to read it. Sorry about it!

[Gretchen Rubin]

P.S. And GLASS HOUSE, too -- several people have mentioned that to me.

[Ella]

I love memoirs. I just read Julie Andrews' new memoir, Home, and I found it very engrossing. She writes very matter-of-factly about her difficult childhood and about finding happiness as an adult. In the same vein, I loved Julia Child's memoir of her years in Paris -- she clearly is someone who knew how to get the fullest enjoyment and happiness from every experience.

[Alice]

I think they mean the Glass Castle. Great book - almost unbelievable how hard their childhood was. But it's funny and heartbreaking at the same time. I am a bonafide memoir junkie - love to read about how other people have lived and how they survived. Running with Scissors is also a great memoir. And (Although the author has admitted to greatly embellishiing on this one - you'll love it anyway - A Million Little Pieces by James Frey.

[Ruth]

Julie and Julia is another great memoir that fits into the happiness project theme.

[MiniExec]

I love, love, love reading memoirs and biographies. I loved them as a child, too; I was crazy for Little House on the Prarie :) I've read all the books listed above and many more, too. Anyone read Beauty School of Kabul? What does it say about a person when they choose to read books of this genre above all else? I've wondered that from time to time....do I suffer from some sort of casual nosiness (which I tend to slide into), or just an extreme curiosity of how people get through life in the hopes that I might glean some intelligence from their life experiences (whether good or bad)?

BTW, I am just back from a self-imposed laptop free vacation and I could not wait to catch up on a weeks worth of posts. Your posts are so great, Gretchen - it made coming home from vacation a little brighter. Thanks for all the great book and website recommendations.

[Tino Schwarze]

Thanks for that suggestion. I haven't read any biographies or memoirs so far (nor happiness projects apart from yours), but your post made me feel subtly touched.

Hearing/reading about some Jon Does successes in life has an intrinsic message along the line of "you can do that, too!"

Thanks.

[Suzn]

Thanks for recommending this book. It just arrived via amazon. FaithWords is publishing my memoir next year, only consider mine the "15 years later" version of Trish's. Mine's called "Angry Conversations With God," in which I review my life while taking God to couples counseling. It ends well. I realize I 'married God for his money' and get over myself. :)