I worry about the happiness of the American Idol contestants.

Last night, they announced the winner of American Idol. Now, I know practically nothing about American Idol. I’d never watched for even one minute until a few months ago, when the Big Girl asked to start recording it so she could watch during her TV time.

Since then, I’ve watched bits and pieces with her. It’s not a show I like, because I feel too sorry for the people who lose – I don’t watch the Olympics or the Super Bowl, either. (I have a lot of these weird quirks -- like my distaste for the theme of unjust accusation. It annoys the Big Man from time to time; I pass on a lot of Netflix suggestions.)

Also, because I think about happiness all the time, I started worrying about the contestants’ happiness. It’s painful to lose, of course. And along the way, sometimes the judges, being nice, would say things like, “You really have star quality,” “I know you’ll make it in the music industry, even though you’re being eliminated now,” etc.

On the one hand, it’s important to have a big dream and a big vision for ourselves – and that means being open to the possibility of failure. I remind myself constantly of my resolution to “Embrace the fun of failure.”

But usually, when you’re pursuing a big dream, you work at it step by step. You gradually move up through a series of challenges which you surmount, or not. The thing about American Idol is that everyday people are catapulted into the glare of tremendous fame, and a dizzying world of possibility opens. Then, for most of them, it ends very abruptly. (I’m assuming – am I wrong? Do many contestants manage to turn American Idol into a good career opportunity?)

This strikes me as a likely route to dissatisfaction. I’m reminded of the conclusion of the Christopher Guest movie, Waiting for Guffman, when the dentist, captivated by show business, leaves his dental practice to try to make it as a performer; in his final appearance, we see him telling jokes in front of a bored crowd at a seniors center. The possibility of being taken up by a famous Broadway producer had completely altered his sense of himself.

Fame has a crazy effect on people. It’s like money. Wanting it, winning it, having it thrust upon you without any effort on your part, losing it…fame and money can create strange, powerful disturbances in the normal fields of life.

As Plutarch observed, “For dealing with the blessings which come to us from outside we need a firm foundation based on reason and education; without this foundation, people keep on seeking these blessings and heaping them up but can never satisfy the insatiable appetites of their souls.”

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Hmmmm...I don't think I agree with everything in this very provocative post about some reasons that people have affairs on the Psychology Today blogs, but there's a lot of interesting material here. I've been thinking about equity theory lately, and wanting to learn more about it. It was also interesting to me as someone who wrote a biography of JFK. In college, a friend told me, "In the best relationships, both people think they're getting the better deal." This post undercuts that argument!

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Comments

[kadavy]

You're right, the abrupt catapult into the spotlight - and then being yanked from it - has to be a jarring experience. It's funny that fame is so make-or-break. I would think that with more "long tail" media outlets like the internet would dampen this effect by closing the gap between mini-celebrity and celebrity. I feel like any changes in life that take one off of a natural, organic path of growth can have a similar effect. For example, many lottery winners have to deal with depression and a lack of motivation.

[Dave Owen]

I think that it comes down to the idea about whether or not things can make us happy or sad? If it is the externals or the internals that decide our attitude in life.

I believe that as long as we are happy with our insides, what happens on the outside will not really "rock our world".

Not to say that good or bad things will stop happening depending on our attitude. But, the way we handle the highs and the lows will be a lot better with a positive outlook on life.

[Rich Poley]

My guess is that most of the contestants are exploiting the show as much as the show is exploiting them. They get their 15-minutes on stage. The ones with a future in show business will use it to further their careers. The others will look back on it as this fun quirky thing they did.

[Dr.Cason]

I think that most anyone can turn any experience into something good or bad just depending on how centered and grounded you are.

Those that are easily shaken and persuaded by powerful forces can be very shaken by the abrupt shift in their world.

But those who are grounded and take the experience as an opportunity for growth will benefit immensely!

I don't worry too hard about the happiness of the American Idol contestants. They own their choices. And we own ours.

[CPeel]

This is the first season that I have really watched American Idol. I don't know about past years, but I think the question of happiness was pretty interestingly dealt with this year. I tend to do a lot of reading about the television that I do watch -- I research it on the internet and read about it in Entertainment Weekly. In the case of Jason Castro (fourth last to go I think) he seemed happier to go home than he would have been to stay. It seems that the pressure of the show was too much for him.

Also, not every Idol has achieved the same level of fame (which doesn't necessarily equal happiness anyway, does it?) Conversely, some of the near misses, have made it bigger than those they lost to. Look at Jennifer Hudson. She placed third on season 3 and went on to win an Oscar for her role in Dream Girls. She's also got a pretty big role, so I read, in the about to be released Sex and the City movie. I'm guessing she's pretty happy!

[Amanda Himelein]

Being eliminated is the end for everyone. Josh Gracin came in 4th in the 2nd season of American Idol, and he has since released two albums with three top-5 singles. So I don't know how common that is, but it definitely happens sometimes.

[Amanda Himelein]

Er... being eliminated is NOT the end for everyone...

(note to self, always preview before posting...)

[HP van Duuren]

What is it with all this result oriented people? and all the crap about

'Painfull to loose....???'

I do think that this obsessive behaviour aimed at getting results it is a huge misunderstanding that huge amounts of people seem to be 'Brainwashed' with.

I do think that a lot of people are so result oriented that they forget to enjoy the process, the thing that it's all about.

For example in my (offline)sales job I don't f***** care about the results I generate!!! Really I hardly focus on getting results. I simply focus on the enjoyment of making sales, because I enjoy making sales I usually have stunning results, and unfortunately people seem to think that I focus on results.

To learn more about getting rid of obsessive focussing on things 'outside' of you, you can listen to an interesting interview with the author of the Bestselling book 'Happy for No Reason' that explains how to avoid making your 'results' responsible for feeling 'happy' or 'unhappy'.

You can find a link to this interview at:

http://hpshappy.blogspot.com

All the Best,
To you Happy Inspiration,
HP

[Steve]

As a general rule, we don't allow our kids to watch tv on school nights. The one exception is American Idol on tues.

It has become a great family ritual for us. We usually have an easy dinner like pizza while we watch.

I like watching how the contestants work to overcome their individual flaws or shortcomings. Many times a contestant who I didn't like at first earned my grudging respect by taking the judges' comments to heart (or ignoring them) and surviving until close to the end. Watching this process for unfold gives our family a common frame of reference--which isn't so easy sometimes with a 13-year old daughter and a 7-year old son.

Unlike a lot of shows, I think Idol offers some important lessons about real life.

[Mrs. Micah]

I guess they get a chance at being noticed by someone who really likes their sound and wants to sign them. I don't follow it closely, but I think that's happened for a few finalists.

I'm competitive, but I don't like competition much because I hate losing. And I don't watch American Idol because I don't want to get invested in other people who will lose. I'd rather read a book or watch a tv show where at least I can tell myself it's fiction (though some books and shows still get me!).

[C]

Re. your comment about the Psychology Today article: I'm always surprised when educated, thoughtful people like you, Gretchen, can say they disagree with something when there is clear evidence for it. I am not saying that it is the best research out there, but when research finds something, it is not optional to agree or disagree with it unless you have conducted your own rigorous study and found conflicting results. In the case of this equity thing in love, it is is not philsophy, there is actual data to back it up! Do you disagree with medical findings just based on your own personal experience?!

[Larry Duboff]

My family and I have followed American Idol since the first season. Many of the top contestants go on to have successful entertainment careers after they are eliminated. Several actually had more success than a few of the actual winners. I totally agree with the comment posted by one of your readers that says, "Unlike a lot of shows, I think Idol offers some important lessons about real life."

[Patti Beres]

I think another perspective for American Idol might be that these contestants truly get to live the American dream. Their vast talent may have never had the chance to blossom or be discovered and they can take the joy of having spent time in the light of fame to what ever level they so choose. Many contestants who are not the overall winners do still catapult to healthy musical careers, acting careers and private careers. The top twenty usually travel on tour as a group for an entire year following the end of season and have the same chance, if not better than an unknown to sign a recording deal.

It is all up to the individual soul to be happy or choose to be in despair