This Wednesday: Six tips for getting yourself to do something you don't want to do.

Every Wednesday is Tip Day.
This Wednesday: Six tips for getting yourself to do something you don’t want to do.

How many times each day do you try to work yourself up to tackle some undesirable task? If you’re like me – several.

For example, right now I’m trying to figure out how to send a monthly newsletter. I felt overwhelmed by the various sub-tasks involved, but by using the techniques below, I’m inching toward the finish line of hitting “send” for that first newsletter. Here are some strategies that I've used:

1. Put yourself in jail. If you're working on something that's going to take a long time, and you have the urge to try to rush, or to feel impatient, pretend you're in jail. If you're in jail, you have all the time in the world. You have no reason to hurry, no reason to cut corners or to try to do too many things at once. You can slow down, concentrate. You can take the time to get every single detail right.

2. Ask for help. This is one of my most useful Secrets of Adulthood (see left column). Why is this so hard? I have no idea. But whenever I ask for help, I'm amazed at how much it...helps.

3. Remember: most decisions don’t require extensive research. This is another important Secret of Adulthood. I often get paralyzed by my inability to make a decision, but by reminding myself that often, one choice just isn’t that much different from another choice, I can move on.

4. Take a baby step. If you feel yourself dismayed at the prospect of the chain of awful tasks that you have to accomplish, just take one step today. Tomorrow, take the next step. The forward motion is encouraging, and before long, you’ll probably find yourself speeding toward completion.

5. Do it first thing in the morning. The night before, vow to yourself to do the dreaded task. And the next day, at the first possible moment – as soon as you walk into work, or when the office opens, or whenever – just do it. Don’t allow yourself to reflect or procrastinate. This is particularly true of exercise. If you think you’ll be tempted to skip, try to work out in the morning.

6. Protect yourself from interruption. How often have you finally steeled yourself to start some difficult project, only to be interrupted the minute you get going? This makes a hard task much harder. Carve out some time to work. Yesterday, I wanted to put a newsletter sign-up box on my blog. I figured this would be frustrating and time-consuming, so I waited to make the attempt when I knew I had two hours when I could work uninterrupted.

NB: Pay attention to the amount of time you spend working on tasks you dislike. No one enjoys invasive medical tests or preparing tax returns, but if you feel like your life consists of nothing but going from one dreaded chore to the next, you should take note. Maybe you need to think about switching jobs, or delegating a particular chore to someone else, or paying someone to take care of a task that’s making you miserable.

I’m very good at making myself do things I don’t want to do, and while this is an enormous help in many situations, it has also allowed me to go down some dead ends in my career. The fact is, you’re unlikely to be happy or successful when every aspect of your life or job feels like a big drag. Don’t accuse yourself of being lazy or being a procrastinator, but ask – what’s making this so difficult? The fact that you're finding it hard to make yourself do something is a sign that maybe you should be doing something else.

On the upside: novelty and challenge, as uncomfortable as they can be, DO bring happiness. The chore that feels onerous today may give you a huge boost of satisfaction tomorrow, when it’s behind you. Keep that in mind.

What are some other strategies that you've found useful in trying to get yourself to jump some hurdle?

*
Via the wonderful recommendation site, the Very Short List, a friend sent me a link to the Goldfrapp music video for their song “Happiness.” It’s charming.

*
If you’d like to get my monthly newsletter, click on the brand-new link in the upper-right-hand corner of my blog.

I’m very pleased with myself that I managed to get that onto my blog! I had to use all the strategies above, but I did it.

Or, if you prefer, just email me at grubin, then the “at” sign, then gretchenrubin dot com. No need to write anything more than “newsletter” in the subject line. I’ll add your name to the list.

Comments

[Kristin]

Yes, yes, yes to #5! To all of these, really, but #5 got me in particular. One of my (woefully neglected) happiness commandments is "do it now." Putting off an unpleasant task only makes it more unpleasant, and /not/ putting it off (i.e. just getting it done) is such a relief that it always makes me happier.

I find all of these particularly interesting since I've had NaNoWriMo on the brain the last day or so. It's not until November, but I'm already planning a bit -- this will be my first time participating! And a lot of these tips echo things I was thinking or things I'd seen other people mention as ways to successfully get through writing a novel in a month. Because while it's done for fun, the act of sitting down and writing can be something you just don't want to do at times! So thanks for posting this, and I'm going to make a note to come back and print these out and post them somewhere come November. :)

[One Bag Nation]

Getting paralyzed by indecision and "awfulizing" are serious blocks to productivity for me. And how many times has actually just doing the thing been so much less painful than worrying about doing the thing?? Too many times.

[Jess]

I use the FlyLady technique of "you can do anything for 15 minutes" to get through tasks I don't want to do. I just set my timer and think I only have to do this for 15 miuntes and then I can stop. I am often suprised to find that I finish the task within that time-frame, when before I had started I would have said that the task would hours.

[Mrs. Micah]

I love baby steps. They're the best way I've found of getting going on projects. Even taking one baby step may end up in my doing the whole thing. :)

[Helen]

Baby steps are fantastic. They also tie in nicely with David Allen's 'Next Actions' - when I'm overwhelmed by a task, it really helps me to take a moment to ask myself 'what's the next physical action (ie baby step) to move this forward, rather than being lost in the big picture.

I'm on Study Leave for the rest of the week, as I have an exam for my professional qualification coming up, and was feeling terribly anxious this morning and couldn't work out how to use the next few days effectively. However, I took myself away from distraction and spent an hour with a notebook and pen at a nearby cafe, compiling my 'battle plan' - a comprehensive list of the tiny 'next actions' I wanted to complete before my exam - and I'm feeling much better already.

[Sonia]

Great post! Another good reason to pay attention to the amount of time it takes to complete a particular chore is that frequently, it takes far less time than you imagine it will. So often I find myself procrastinating on various household & office tasks, only to realize afterwards that they weren't such a big deal. The sense of relief when they're completed is palpable. I find it helps me tremendously if I think about how great I'll feel after the task is done - sometimes that gets me past the initial resistance to getting started.

[karl Staib - Your Work Happiness Matters]

Taking baby steps is hard for me to do. When I get into something I want to do everything at once. I'm just getting a handle on social media and marketing with my blog because I tried to do all of them at the same time. I've slowed down and been tackling one at a time and getting to know them really well and I feel much better.

Great article! It really made me look at my own way of dealing with life.

[Silvia]

I enjoyed reading about the six steps you can take to do something you don't want to do. I would like to add another bullet to your list: Making lists. If I create a list, that include the baby steps that you mention in your post, the task seems more manageable.

[Gretchen Rubin]

These are great suggestions. I've added them to my list.

I love FlyLady, and David Allen, and I am a HUGE believer in National Novel Writing Month!!! I did it for the Happiness Project, and had a great time writing a novel in a month.

[kara fern]

How timely this post is for me now, during finals week, when I have a cold, and I'd much rather do absolutely anything other than write papers. Thank you! I guess I'd better get to it...

[limomi]

hmmm...your post has made me reflect some on why I am procrastinating the dreaded weekly report by reading your inspirational blog. Perhaps I'll come back and catch up on the week once I'm finished as a reward for getting through it in a more timely manner...

[adora]

Thanks for the tips. I'm terrible at this.

#2 is a life saver. My friends always say it is easy to do your own taxes, but I pay someone to do it. I know I would put it off until the last minute. Same goes with home repairs, car care...

I find #5 very helpful. Lately, before I go to bed, I learn to write on a post-it note 3 to 5 things I need to do the next day. As long as it is written down. It is harder for me to put it off. Also help me schedule around what I need to do or where I need to be. Great time saver as well.

Recently, I enter the things I repeatedly put off as my scream saver. It pops in my face as multiple color flashing text. It is extremely torturing, but it works.

[Cara]

"The fact that you're finding it hard to make yourself do something is a sign that maybe you should be doing something else."

Can you elaborate on this? I've been told for so long that it was because I didn't have the right attitude, or I should suck it up and deal, or that I'm not trying hard enough, or that wanting to be happy at my job is selfish when there are so many other people who would love to even have work. Now you're saying that what I've been taught is a crock? That's relieving and disturbing at the same time.

[Michelle]

#1 is most striking to me. It leads me down a useful path. First along that path is the way in which a jail cell, as you describe it, is reminiscient of a monk's cell. In the Benedictine order, monks have all the time in the world. Bells move them from one activity to another, but because God is present in work as in prayer, the activities of work - studying, gardening, washing the dishes - are moments of eternity, so to speak. They do not have to finish all the dishes before the bell rings, or the row of carrots, or the essay. They come back to it the next time they are rung into it by the cycle of the bells.

But there's another interesting stop on this path: the Human Kindness organization's Prison-Ashram project. In this project, the goal is to help prisoners understand that their cells can be places of spiritual fruitfulness and worship, whatever the faith tradition. If we are faced, then, with a dreaded task, the idea of putting ourselves in jail evokes all these possibilities: that the work, dreaded or not, can become meditative and can have the mark of the eternal, because one is in a cell in which, ironically, all things are possible.

Because I've been through some of the same things, I'd also like to add a note for Cara - I agree that "The fact that you're finding it hard to make yourself do something is a sign that maybe you should be doing something else." The "maybe" is key, because the fact of your experience is a sign: you still need to attend to the sign to figure out which way it's directing you. I am a Christian and am firmly convinced that the Holy Spirit draws us toward abundant life, each one of us. This doesn't preclude suffering or hardship, but instead enables us to move through it even as we are drawn ever more toward joy. Martha Beck writes (in "Finding Your Own North Star") that it may be that someone is suffering more than you are, but unless you get your broken leg tended to and strengthen yourself, you won't be able to help the person with a sucking chest wound. Your joy will bring more joy to the world, and joy will inevitably overflow.

[sam]

I find that if i put aside some time for myself each day, to read or listen to music, i dont feel as annoyed about doing the things i often would rather not do. Also, changing my perspective on things like housework being a chore, like choosing to look at it as my contribution to the family, my charity work even, enables me to get much more satisfaction out of these small things.

[JR Enthusiast]

I’ve always been a little skeptical of the new-agey books my wife reads about self-help or changing your life. But she was so impressed by this one (James Ray’s Harmonic Wealth) that I agreed to read it. AND I CAN HONESTLY SAY THAT IT ROCKED!

What I liked about James Ray was that he didn’t just sell you all these fluffy ideas and leave it at that. James Ray breaks it down into applicable lessons and examples and even provided an online study course that helped me to apply the book to my life and come up with ways I can be more “Harmonically Wealthy” – wealthy in all the “Pillars” or areas of my life. James Ray doesn’t just address the money issues or the relationships – he says that all “5 Pillars” – financial, relational, mental, physical, and spiritual - have to work in harmony for you to achieve a truly wealthy life. I like that approach because it makes sense to me and is about results, not hand-holding.

Here’s the link to his website: harmonicwealth.com/read

[John Young]

Try Mark Forster's book - 'Do it tomorrow'. Really excellent.
ISBN 978-0340-909126. Available on Amazon.

[Sam]

Gretchen, I procrastinate a lot. It is the thing I dislike most about myself and am working hard to change. These tips are very helpful. I find once I get started on the project I am putting off, I am fine and keep working on it. It's stopping what I am currently doing to start on what I should actually be doing that is the hardest part.

A topic closely related to procrastination is self-sabotage. Have you written anything regarding this (why we do it; different forms of it; how to stop it)? I would love to read your perspective regarding this, as you have a very practical approach and I love looking at these topics from the "happiness-seeking" point of view.

Thank you for your blog--you have helped me make some needed changes...still a ways to go.

[Glen]

Loved number 3 - and number 1 is excellent too. I agree with that guy who made the James Ray comment - I too am into him - he quotes Wallace Wattles from the Science of Getting Rich - there is no hurry on the creative plane. Want some happiness then check out Harmonic Wealth - book and movie are great :>)

[Reza Hossein Borr]

The man who turned every project into success:
Doing well what you do not like all and achieving excellence

Reza Hossein Borr
Few years ago I met somebody in one of my seminars. He had a reputation for turning every project into success. He told me his secret, "I know that I have to excel in doing what I do not like to do. When I take on a project that I do not like at all, I take its full ownership and treat it as if I really love it."

The great achievers are those who do well what is required of them, not what they like. Everybody likes doing well what they love to do. The problem is that the absolute majority of the people have the jobs that they do not like. They get married to people they do not like any more. They have colleagues they do not like. They have parents they do not like. They have children they do not like. They have neighbours they do not like. So if you do not establish very enjoyable working relationships with all these issues and people your life will not be very much enjoyable.

If you do not do your job very well, even if you do not like it, you will be sacked. If you do not treat your partner very well, even if you do not like him or her, you have to go for separation. If you do not treat your parents well, even if you do not like them, you will deprive yourself of the greatest love. If you do not treat your children very well, even if you do not like them, you would lose your children. If you do not treat your neighbours very well, even if you do not like them, you will be engaged in continuous disputes all your life.

The art of living well is about doing well what you do not like and treating well those you do not like. Doing is related to your performance. If you do not perform well you will be assessed as a bad worker. The other people do not evaluate you about your likes and your do not likes. They evaluate you for the quality of your performance. What you like and what you do not like is your personal choice, however, it is not your personal choice to do certain things well and other things not well. If you do not do everything well you will not be considered a reliable person who can turn different projects and assignments into successful endeavours. This is the essence of achieving excellence.

You build your own reputation by the quality of your work and the quality of your performance. The other people possibly will not tell you, unless they are your bosses, what they think of what and how your performance is. They know that if they volunteer feedback about your performance, specifically when it is not good, you will feel hurt and people will not like to hurt you. What you do, you will be known for it. Achieving excellence in doing what you do not like to do is your way to the top.

As Thomas Fuller said, "He, who wants fruit, must climb the tree." The tree may be tall and rough. It may be very hard climbing over it, but if you want to get the fruit, you have to do all these things and if you do not do them with pleasure, you are not going to enjoy eating the fruit.
At the beginning things look hard. When you finish them, you say, how easy they were!

Reza Hossein Borr is an NLP Master Trainer and a leadership consultant and the creator of 150 CDs and 14 Change management models. He is also the author of Manual Success, Manual of Coaching and Mentoring, Motivational Stories that Can Change Your Life, and a New Vision for the Islamic World. He can be contacted by email: sarawani@aol.com www.rezaaa.com